


Glass houses full of stone

by luminous_nyght



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Disclaimer, I'm so so sorry, I'm so sorry, M/M, also Zayn's parent's aren't mentioned by name on purpose, because it's important, because they AREN'T TRISHA AND YASER, but those who will do, famous!Liam, i really needed this to happen ok!, kidfic!, lol, teacher!Zayn, there is a lot of Ziam references only a few of you guys might now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-05
Updated: 2016-05-05
Packaged: 2018-06-06 14:28:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 51,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6757822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luminous_nyght/pseuds/luminous_nyght
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And as they fall over furniture and hit walls with their shoulders, it’s settling in now that this is home, not just another fancy glass house full of stones. The people that live here, they breathe, they laugh, they dance. They cry. This life, Liam’s life, it wasn’t pretty. It was messy and chaotic, but it’s real and now this is his verity too.</p><p>Thank you for reading. xx</p>
            </blockquote>





	Glass houses full of stone

**Author's Note:**

> Hi you guys, It's been a hell of a long time since I had the guts to post something again, but this time I kind of got this in my head and it needed to find it's way out. Also, any mistakes are mine. I've edited as much as I possibly can in three days so I hope it's all ok!
> 
> I need to thank two very important people because without their constant help and support I would have probably given up on this fic (and any other fic for that matter) and never type again.  
> Toni - Babe, from the moment we started talking we haven't stopped for one day. You guys! you need to go tell her how much you simply adore her writing!!!  
> Secondly Jasmine, my dear dear friend. Has it been three years now? Something like that. We've been talking a long time and you've kept me sane in the moments I was about to loose my head completely.  
> I wouldn't have done this one without you.  
> This is for you - and for Zayn and Liam who have endured so much in this last year alone.  
> We're still here boys!!

“Beti, sweetheart, what are you doing?” He smiles, his little klutz is at it again.

He’s been sitting at his dining room table trying to finish his final piece for his MA but his five-year-old seems to think its ok to pander over all his work.

He used to think he’s quite dim to have gone after a paper he could frame up on a wall instead of working minimum wage jobs trying to make a life out of nothing but he wanted a chance at least to fight it, to throw out the rule book and do it anyway.

He grins a little to himself when he does sit down and have a proper think, because no one around him believed he could do it yet now, just gone five years and he’s on the verge of completing a Master’s degree.

He stops, quickly reaches up to secure his hair in a bun. He leaps. He’s got her giggling in his ear as he tickles her all over, rolling on the grey carpet he got them as a Christmas present for this very reason.

Of course, soon after their three-year old cross staffy is leaping from his bed to join them.

_He doesn’t have much he rationalises, but he’s got this, this little girl with her shoulder length hair, jet black just like his, a tan darker than his, thanks to her mother. This little girl with the infectious smile and these brilliant, brilliant blue grey eyes that sparkle so much they could be made of glass. She’s tiny for her age, her full height barely reaching his hips but she makes up for it with her exuberance and the fact that nothing in her world is too big to conquer from her ballet to her piano – she blows his mind wide open._

_Aalia._

He likes to think she’s his saviour.

He stops with the tickling and allows her to gently settle over his chest before slowly sitting up.

“Beti, do you think you could wash up?” he whispers softly into her ear, “So we can go sleep?”

“Are you sleeping with me tonight?” Her eyes shine up at him, in hope. He wants to kick himself silly for it because he’s given his sleep over to his work for the last few days and let her to settle on her own.

For a child that has to share a bed with her dad because they spend all their money goes on her schooling – she’s learnt to hate it.

“Yes baby, if that’s ok with you.” He whispers stretching down to kiss her forehead.

She in turn nuzzles her nose further into his chest, wraps her herself around his own thin frame. He loves these moments, the in between, the moments where he’s not running off to work or uni, moments where his bills don’t matter for just those few moments.

He loves it when he can only hear the silent lull of the tv, Aalia’s face lit up in its blue hue, the white noise buzzing constantly.

Times like _tonight_.

Where he can hear the rain pitter pattering outside. Days where he would happily spend baking cakes with her, or in the glassed roofed hallway outside the flat which he turned into his own canvas for his art.

He’d like to think one day; all this scrounging would be worth it. It’s not as if he’s struggling, he isn’t not really, but to send her to the school he does, it means he forks out the majority of his wage. All he wants is that one day he can get to own a house with an actual garden and a picket white fence, so that his little girl could have a proper home, that maybe one day his art and his writing would make them enough to move out of his shitty flat and into something better.

_Just to where she has her own bed at least and he’s not worrying about the next meal_

He’d like to believe somewhere out there is someone just for him. Someone that is ready to love him so readily, even with the things he _doesn’t_ have. He’d like to think that, he really would, but now he’s come to the conclusion he’s destined to live out his life in a solitary manner, just his Aalia, even if it’s so hard to parent her all alone.

He puts her down and lets her run away from him. Kaif immediately runs after her. He lets him, he knows he’ll settle just under the bed ready to be placed in his crate, in the other room.

He rinses out the dishes and turns the lever to lock the fire escape window, he watches the rain water slither its way down the pane. He wonders why the image looks so much like falling tears, sighing, goes in search for his keys to lock the door.

This is routine, it’s so routine it’s almost mundane but as he’s pushing his sketch book back into his bag and gathering up his final piece (of her of course) he sighs, because that’s his life, that’s his _jaan_.

She’s the only one that stuck with him, his parents disowned him when he told them his now ex was pregnant. He didn’t even bother telling them that Hasina took off and left him with the baby for a full year because he couldn’t bring himself too. And because of that, his father even denies he ever had a son.

His mother tried for a bit, but she too disappeared after two years or so. It made him move, move 300 miles away and never looked back.

No one back home knew his forwarding address; he’s been alone since. It doesn’t hurt as such, not anymore at least but he does miss having someone there to love.

Hasina wanted nothing to do with Aalia, even let him name her, gave up on the whole parenting thing three weeks in.

If he had to be honest it has been hard because he was only working part time at Costa at that point aged twenty and penniless, so he did the next best thing, quit his job and applied to uni. He managed to scrap through a joint honours degree, well no he worked his arse off to get his first in English Literature and Art. He took care of her the best he could even if he’s only been able to move them from halls to a flat the year he took on three jobs.

She had loved the idea when he first brought it up, screeching up the living room forgetting that they weren’t living alone, she had stormed this place when they first parked up to it, declaring her baba is the best baba on the planet the minute the moving truck left.

“Baba?” He hears, it brings him out of his musings and into focus. He shuts off the tv and turns on a small shade by the living room door. It gives them both the comfort they search for at night. The light goes through the window pane at the top of the bedroom door so it’s not directly in their room but close enough.

He searches for her Romanov doll and places his list for tomorrow on the fridge before he heads to the room. She cannot sleep without her doll – and neither a comic book for that matter and he knows by now it will keep him safely tucked under the warm duvet because if he doesn’t have it, she _will_ ask for it.  

She grabs it out of his hand the minute he’s close enough and then she’s tugging him closer grabby hands galore, so that she’s got her head tucked under his arm. He can smell the toothpaste still fresh in her mouth and the little too much strawberry Justin Bieber perfume she insisted she needed to put on before bed every night. While he finds the whole thing ridiculous, he can’t say really get mad because it was a gift, and gifts are lacking, so it’s always welcome.

He can see that Kaif has crawled into his crate himself because he forgot him today, so he takes out his newest comic and starts reading it special effects and all.

When she’s drifted he thinks, this life isn’t perfect, but he’s finally found his happiness, and that’s what counts really.

*

He’s up at half four, just before Salat so that he can finish his portfolio. His dissertation is done and submitted and now as winter approaches he’s feeling almost giddy about the possibilities, because he’s more than likely going into teaching and that’s _huge_ for him.

He reaches for his coffee and lets his fingers wrap around his batman mug. He brings his legs to rest underneath him and smiles as he looks out the window, his flat is small enough to accommodate the way he wants to live, huge spaces almost panic him in a way he can’t really explain.

It’s wintry again, his favourite type of weather. The rain is splashing against the window and he can see the stark white lightning sparks coming out of the grey. His breath leaves the window a little fogged up, so he gently takes his index finger and writes out a simple _I love you_ against the pane. It’s childish – but it’s exactly the sort of thing he used to do before he had Aalia. He smiles at himself because time alone is rare. He has to get her ready for school in a bit, he’s free for the day, so he catches up on food shopping in the meantime, maybe clean a bit, he might even run down to the nearest Asian market, all the way on the other side of town.

The rain hadn’t stopped, only gotten thicker overnight so he simply juts out his hand slides the window up, dangling his legs out. He pulls out a smoke and lights it, taking a drag just as he looks out onto the grey London skyline. He licks at his front teeth out of habit just as he feels Kaif crawling on top of his lap. He tends to do that, he seems to feel Zayn’s emotions and acts to reflect them.

He’d only brought him home a few months after they moved flat. He rationalised Aalia needed someone else to love, because he didn’t exactly approve of the way Louis taught her bad new words _on purpose_ no less, or the way Niall took her out for ice cream any time he babysat even if he told him not too. His friends he’s made, they’re good – the best he could ever ask for but sometimes he’d wish he’d knew them before he’d had her, that way he wouldn’t feel so guilty if Louis involved him in something stupid.

He checks his watch, its five now, he scoffs, and time’s going way too fast for his liking. Zayn, he loves his sleep, but he also adores times like this, where it’s just him and the world, that time where London is waking up still and the hush of the morning still palpable.

He gets up slowly, pulling his legs in and hugging them, he lays Kaif down onto the floor slowly so that he doesn’t wake him up again and goes in search for his prayer mat and Qur’an.  As he passes his room to get to the bathroom he drops his head round the corner to check on his girl, she’s laid out like a star in the middle of the bed, her hair rumpled from sleep and pillow creases on her cheek, slightly pink from the heat of the duvet. He smiles when he notices her fingers wrapped around his pillow, she’d done that since she was a baby, a security of sorts.

He feels his heart tighten in his chest – it makes him a tad happy that she loves him in the way she does. Just justifies everything he sacrificed and all the things he’s achieved in the meantime, without any help from his family.

That he was able to take care of her, and raise her in his ways and in the ways of his parents even if they didn’t approve of the unexpected pregnancy.

He shuts his brain though then, just as he starts Wudu.

It was time for prayer – and that was something he shouldn’t miss just because he wanted to waffle on in his head.

*

“Mate, Mate, where the hell can you be at this time in the morning?” Its Louis banging on the door like there is a war on outside.

He has just finished getting her ready for school, plaiting her hair just as she sits for breakfast. It was barely half seven so he doesn’t get Louis’ urgency this early.

Zayn and Louis are best friends. Zayn was the lax one, he was chilled and old fashioned, wanted - almost needed structure and routine in his life but Louis, Louis’ the opposite of that. Louis’ dramatics had landed him in boiling water several times in the five years he’s known Zayn but now, just as Zayn’s walking over to unlock his front door, he can’t fathom what Louis _might_ need now.

“What do you need?” He growls lowly when he opens the door. Louis’ got dried tears running down his cheeks, his usually clear cerulean deep set eyes are tired and blood shot and Zayn goes from insanely pissed to worried in a split second. He’s soaked and shivering, like he’d just ran here in the rain.

His face screwed up with so much worry, Zayn feels a bit sick.

Louis doesn’t reply, just hugs him, Zayn’s arms go round him so that he can gently back them up into the living room. It soaks him but he doesn’t care right now.

He doesn’t talk or ask questions – he knows Louis will talk once he’s ready. He can see Aalia out of the corner of his eye, she’s standing up and walking over to them, then he feel her wedge herself in the middle of them. Louis lets him go and bends down to cuddle her instead. He lets out a heavy sigh and picks her up, mumbling something into her ear before turning back to look at him.

“We’ve got a princess to get to school.” He starts shakily looking at Zayn with these eyes he can’t properly look at anymore.

He nods, his teeth biting hard onto his bottom lip, his hands shaky as he goes in search for his keys. In five years of friendship, he’s never seen Louis like this, it’s a little off putting to him if he were to be honest with himself.

He reaches for Lia’s jacket and backpack before getting a move behind Louis who had just walked them out to the car.

Sometimes Louis worries him – and this is exactly the reason why.

*

“What do you mean she’s pregnant? Louis I’m quite sure you’re gay babe, why was your dick anywhere close to some chick’s pussy?”

Louis shivers – actually shivers like the thought sickens him half to death now.

“I dunno, she just said – ” He stops again, he’s mumbling as it is, “She said we hooked up three times that night, I don’t know, because I don’t remember any of it.”

“And tell me,” He retorts,” What do you expect me to do about it?”

“Nothing.” The answer comes easy, immediately. “But you’re my go to baba and I don’t know what to do.” He wants to really roll his eyes at the nickname Niall had sprung up when he was babysitting for a neighbour and didn’t know which cough syrup you give a two-year-old.

“First off, don’t call me baba, you aren’t Beti and I’ve told you a hundred times yet it never sticks, secondly, ask for a DNA, immediately Louis, because I have issues believing you’d stick your dick in a girl no matter what she’s trying to sell you and thirdly remember you’re quite a successful West End actor and lying bitches would do anything to get their hands on some cash. You’ve got a pound sign sitting pretty over the top of your head, don’t get all mixed up in your head over something I’m 1000 % sure you never did.”

He reaches out to brush away Louis’ side fringe. He’s almost dry now, with his heating on full blast, but his clothes still look damp a little.

Louis in turn grabs his fingers and holds them. In another other life, in other world, maybe he would have considered the thought of them being a thing, but nothing ever happened much to his surprise, all their affection stayed within reasonable lines and neither of them it seems sought to change that.

Louis was a breath of fresh air. Someone always there, someone with no agenda, Louis was someone that loved him – just not in the way he craved to be loved again.

“Lia’s got ballet tonight –” He starts changing the subject. “I need to submit my work for my final grade, you ok to just pick her up and get her home for me?”

Louis waves his hand around, dismissing him but nods. “I shall.” Louis smiles as they leave for the Asian market, anything to accommodate a friend.

*

Once he’s settled her down to bed, he sits on his sofa with a beer in his hands. He finally admits to himself he’s exhausted. He does that sometimes, work full steam on something – the completely run out of air for a few days and needs to retreat to get his breath back.

That’s his thing, he has everything on the go all the time, trying to juggle Lia, work and school all in one, as well as having to deal with his bills at the end of his month.

Zayn hates his life, but that’s only figured out when someone is looking at it with a fine tooth comb.

He takes out his phone and texts Niall about needing a few days off work – he does part time office work for his practice when he’s not designing a new comic with Louis.

He needs to take her away for a few days, just them and now that’s he’s free from uni – it’s the perfect time seeing half term is literally just round the corner.

He’d booked thee nights in Disneyland and two nights in Paris, cost an arm and a leg but anything for her, and anyway, it was the first proper trip for both of them – so even if it’s just France, a stone throw away by train, he is excited.

Kaif itches at his legs, begging to be let on the sofa, the blue hue of the tv coating his eyes as he whines he way into Zayn’s lap. Zayn enjoys time alone, craves it even, but sometimes he wishes he was at an age where he could enjoy parenthood – have friends that actually have kids and get it. Louis’ situation has got him bothered because while he’s quite sure Louis wouldn’t make a big deal out of something untrue, if he was really about to become a dad, there was _so_ much to learn.

It bugs him because he knows Louis isn’t emotionally stable, or mentally stable for that matter to be able to raise a child, let alone do it successfully in conjunction with his work. And he isn’t just being harsh on his best friend – he just _knows_ that Louis will panic and shut down instead of trying to deal with it like an adult.

He wraps his fingers around the neck of his beer and lifts up it to his mouth. He swallows down what’s left in one go and goes to get up to start his night routine.

He’s not saying he’s the best dad on the planet, but he’s only just managed to bring structure in his little girl’s life. Aalia just turned five in August, it’s taken this long for him to be done with the ways of a teenager and get his act together as an adult. Louis is one the verge of thirty and still acting like he’s sixteen and a half.

He locks his front door and turns to a picture of his family framed in the hallway. It’s all of them, taken when Zayn was around twelve. It’s one of his favourites and one of the only relics he had of his past. He kisses his mother and wishes he was close enough to be able to hug her. His Ammi was his world more than his sisters, and he’s got to give her what’s hers, she tried her damned hardest to stay in his life after his Baba threw him out but too afraid of Yaser’s tyranny she did as she was told, like any good wife and mother, she had to think of her girls first.

He wishes so badly she could see how his ‘mistake’ turned into something so utterly precious. Aalia made him proud on a daily basis, from her dancing to her piano lessons. He didn’t have much, living the way they do so that he can afford tuition for her, always making sure she’s well fed, dressed and looked after.

She’s his priority, has been since her mother walked out. It’s the only reason he’s so scared for Louis, because he doesn’t think he’s got it in himself to give everything up.

However, he’s more than ready for his best friend to prove him wrong.

*

They leave that weekend, refusing to tell her where they’re going other than away for a few days. He packs the car bright and early and shuffles her in half awake into the back seat. She’s like him when it comes to sleep. Even if he managed to get her up enough so that she dressed herself clumsily, she fell asleep on him the minute he took his eyes off her.

He runs back up to grab her at least three pairs of shoes and rushes down again to see that she’s barely moved. Kaif jumps onto his cushions just as he’s locking the boot, settling on top of her lap just as he gets into his seat

It has been a hectic day he realises as he stops to breathe for a minute. The sun was just breaking the night haze, streaks of orange illuminating, sparks of red and hushed purple appear just as he’s pulling out of the parking lot.

They drop Kaif off at Louis’ who had readily accepted to take on his other baby while they lived it up in Paris. His situation hadn’t gotten any better, but the girl had immediately stopped ordering Louis about like a little lap dog the minute he asked for a DNA test. Louis stays outside his flat until he’s turned the corner. He loves that they’re like that.

*

He checks his watch close to three and a half hours later. They’d just arrived in Dover and he can’t believe he’s actually made it without getting lost on the way. She had stirred a little – woke up for breakfast, then fell asleep again for last good portion of the drive.

Right now though, she was looking at the port, marvelling at the colour of the sea. The weather has looked up a little the sun shining, the smell of the ocean tinging his breath as they waited in line for the tunnel.

She has no idea where they were, and he was maybe in love with that fact. He fixes their passports on the front passenger seat ready for border checks before turning to her and handing her a map, he’s got a smile on his face, blush heating his cheeks, he’s a little nervous she won’t get it. He’s just hoping, with the way she’s been obsessed with Pocahontas and Jasmine lately she’s understand

“Baba, it says DisneyLand, Baba DisneyLand is for rich people, why are you showing me this?” His chest tightens and he wants to kick himself silly, he hates that she’s developed his dogmas. She doesn’t understand that they aren’t broke, all she knows is the hours he’s spend scratching at papers working out food budgets around her school fees.

He wants to grip at the steering wheel, stare straight ahead but instead turns around sweetly and produces one of his biggest smiles.

“Baby girl, whoever told you we weren’t rich enough for Disney?”

“Michaela last year, baba.” Is the answer, instantly out of her mouth without a second thought to it.

At that moment there is a wave from in front of him, signalling it’s their turn so he slowly steers into the toll and hands over their documentation. The man asks in broken English the purpose of their trip and he quickly answers that they’re spending a week in Disneyland. The man glances down from his box into his car then nods his head indicating he can drive through as he hands them back their passports.

“Baba is it true we’re going to Disney?” He hears, it’s a whispered mumble but the minute he replies with a yes, she screeches to the point he had to hold up his hand to stop her.

“Tell Michela,” He starts just as he’s directed into a carriage for the Eurotunnel. “That just because one’s baba isn’t a fancy lawyer; it doesn’t mean they aren’t rich enough for Disneyland you hear?” He shuts off his engine and gets in the back next to her.

“Your Baba is a teacher now – of English Literature baby girl, do you know that means we can live in a house next year not a flat? And it means we both get to eat every day not just you?” Her face lights up and she jumps on top of him, whispering _oh my god thank you baba_. Stuff like this make his heart happy because it’s these times he’ll never get back with his precious darling and from now on he intends to enjoy her to the full.

“Do you want to go watch the fish? Like the other kids look outside?” He asks after they spend a good twenty minutes colouring. He nods towards the pack of kids looking out the small glass windows perched on the sides.

“Only with you baba.” She replies. “It’s stinky.” He laughs.

He leans over to push the door of his small newish Skoda out. The minute he squeezes out he’s met with an overwhelming smell of gas as well as a shrill coldness. The tunnel is huge, and black, and he can see a sea of cars to where his eyes could carry.

Technology is a marvellous thing.

They can get to Calais in just 35 minutes like this.

He saunters over to one of the free windows and lets her peak out. Its combobuling how he knows he’s moving inside a tunnel, yet he feels completely still – like he isn’t moving at all.

They stay like that until she lays her head down on his shoulder, indicating she’s tired down again, he moves back to his car, opens the passenger side door and sits her in. He doesn’t lock her for now, he’ll do that once the warning that their arrival flashes from the lights that run up the tunnel.

He turns around and finds her Romanov doll he threw into one of his bags and turns round to hand it over. She’s asleep again, so he tucks it under her arm. He knows they have a good three hours to get to Paris, that is – if he doesn’t get lost.

He pulls out her blanket and some dinner, just in case she wakes up they’re on the motorway in a place he can’t stop. He slowly lies down the seat flat and she snuggles into a new position, bringing up the blanket right up to her neck hiding her doll in the process

He smiles at the sight and presses a gentle kiss to her hair.

That right there is all he’ll ever need.

*

With the help of his newly unwrapped gift of a tomtom Louis bought him for Christmas, he makes it to their hotel without any major u turns so he’s quite pleased with himself. They’re staying at hotel Disneyland. The one closest to the park, and while the most expensive one, it means he gets to see her face lights up when he tells her Pocahontas will be joining them for breakfast the next day.

He can do frivolity once in a while.

He parks, it’s almost close to two in the afternoon now so he fires a text at Louis telling him they’re arrived safely, he sends him a selfie of both of them along with a picture of the hotel in front of him for safe measure, sticks his tongue out and uses the thumbs up emoji six times to get his message across. They’re like this him and Louis, always worrying after each other like an old married couple, even if the truth was far from it, he likes that connection they’ve got.

“Lia, Lia, Beti look where we are.” He shakes her lightly, she in turn sticks her lips out, only in a fashion he’d do. He smirks at himself before, “Aalia honey, I know I woke you up early this morning, but this isn’t the time to be silly, come on.” He caresses her forehead, moving her fringe out of her face then moves his index finger alone her nose, down over her cheekbones, coming to rest over her lips, still out in a pout which is ever so endearing.

She struggles, but tries to open her eyes, seeing that he opens his door and steps out so that he can round the car to get to her side and opens the door.

“Beti, come on or we won’t be able to go to the parade tonight.”

At that her eyes spring open, fake sleep forgotten as she hurries upright to look at him.

“What parade?” She asks her voice thick with sleep.

“The one where you can see all the princesses and they come up to you and take pictures and stuff, there’s also fireworks baby.”

She smiles, she had just lost her first tooth only a month ago so it’s gaped a little, it’s adorable if he said so himself.

“Baba, you mean Pocapoca is going to be there? With her prince?” He loves the fact that she can’t pronounce her name yet, it’s something to embarrass her about in the future.

He wraps his fingers on the car door, and opens the door fully now.

He smiles down at her before pointing towards their hotel.

“Baba! It looks like a castle.”

“I know baby, you’re a princess all the time, but here you get to live in your own castle.”

She jumps out of the car and lunges herself towards the hotel. Now Zayn doesn’t run. But he’s taking off after, because after all, they are in France and it’s not the time to try and run away from him. He just takes a second to press the button to lock his car, he’ll come back for their bags later.

When he gets to her, he finds her on the floor and a man standing over her asking if she’s ok.

His first concern is his child causing a scene in a place they’d only just arrived in, so he slows down his pace so that he doesn’t seem like just as out of control as his little girl.

He crouches down next to her, she isn’t crying, but she does have a hand over her head like she’s got a concussion, so he goes to pick her up, and it’s the first time he properly looks at the man.

“My name’s Liam, and your little girl ran straight into me.” He isn’t mad at least and he’s chuckling, and Zayn’s a little bit enchanted with the way his voice feels ringing in his ears. It washes away his worry, and it kinda lit up his heart a little. It’s when he recognises who he is, Liam Payne, Grammy Award winner for the last two years running. He ducks his head at the recognition and numbs out a thank you.

Liam in turn places a hand on his shoulder and leads to the reception.

“I don’t know which room they’re under, but place them in Tink’s room.” It’s demanding and authoritative and the poor clerk’s reaction says a lot more than she meant too. She asks for his name again in stammered English, although now for some reason he doesn’t think it’s because of poor English communication skills but because of who is standing next to him. Aalia had placed her head on his shoulder again, but this time stuck her fingers out so that she’s holding Liam’s arm too.

He had booked a two bed room, the cheapest one he could find, but now Liam’s just moved them to what be classed at as a presidential suite, and he doesn’t know what to say, well – he does he doesn’t want to look like a bumbling fool.

“Mr Malik, here are your keys and your tickets to the park. Mr Payne, where would you like to stay now?” She seemed to have gotten over her shock and her English started to work again. Liam ignores her improvement and turns to him. “The suite has three rooms, is it ok if I shared with you two?”

He’d like to think Liam’s neither a serial killer nor a rapist, so he nods his head, still too perplexed with the idea to trust himself to speak.

“Looks like I’m not going anywhere, thank you.” He says turning back to her. She simple nods and hands him another key and with that Liam leads them to the lifts.

He wants to scream, say something that would show that he doesn’t need this kind of charity, but he bites his tongue, swallows his pride for once and lives in the moment.

When they’re out of ear shot, Liam’s steps into his walking speed and laughs. “Sorry for the girl for being a fool. She’s new and I’m over it.”

His walking speeds up again as they arrive at the car. He’s left wondering how on earth this landed in his life.

*

Liam helps with his bags, helps with the door, and helps putting her to bed. He’s just so damn kind to him to the point he’s questioning stuff again.

They’re sat in the living room, the room had a fucking living room away from the bedrooms and close enough to the terrace where he was currently watching the afternoon sun collapse into the night sky. It was bigger than his flat which makes him wonder what Liam’s house must look like.

Liam’s sat on the phone opposite him, the tv is on, but it’s only background noise, he’s more interested in studying Liam Payne.

He likes the slope of his nose, the way it leads into those slightly red chapped lips of his, his eyes are down, so he can’t really see them, but he knows that they’re brown with flecks of gold in them if the sun shines on him just right. He can see where his jaw meets neck, it’s littered with beauty marks, like someone took the time to sprinkle him in just the right amount. His birthmark. A little darker than his actual colour, always photo shopped out in any picture he’s seen of him. He loves the way his shoulders dip into his clavicles like some piece of art he’d love to sketch one time.

He can see Liam’s built, like he spends most of his days training for no objective in particular other than to keep his fans happy. It’s got him wondering. This kindness out of nothing, Liam taking the time to spend time with him, like he’s been here too many times and he’s bored with the place.

Liam’s eyes flick up, and his flick down, he can feel his cheeks tinging pink, he’s been caught.

“You know,” Liam starts lowly, “You can ask questions instead of staring Zayn.” It takes him by surprise, for one thing Liam seems to know his first name and secondly he asks himself why on earth Liam hasn’t booted them out of his room already but he stops, shuts his jaw and instead grabs the ring his mother handed him right before he left and starts twisting it.

His eyes remain lowered, too ashamed to look up, but then he’s feeling the space next to him dip and Liam’s fingers in his line of sight. Liam takes hold of his chin and lifts it up. They have eye contact now, as well as a physical one, and Zayn – shudders.

Zayn breaks the contact, but Liam’s still holding his jaw, so he can’t really get away with it for so long. So he decides to challenge him.

“Why?” It’s out before he can stop himself, and it’s far more meekly than he thought it would be, he wants to kick himself silly for it.

“Say that again.”

“Why are you doing this?” This time he flickers his eyes up, to be met with Liam’s caramel irises that seem to be sparkling.

“Your little girl, she’s something else.” Well he knows that – but it still doesn’t explain the generosity.

Zayn’s mouth spread into a smile, “It’s her first trip, that’s why.” It’s clearer now, he’s more comfortable like this – talking about her.

“First?” Liam looks genuinely surprised, and beckons him closer to him, making a clear space between his legs. Its weird behaviour coming from a straight man, but Zayn refuses to question it. He’s missed the feeling of having someone there, he’s craved this type of contact for the last five years.

Zayn finds himself pressing his knees against Liam’s chest. His chin resting on them as Liam lets his hands rest on Zayn’s ankles.

 “Tell me.” Liam starts again once they have settled, “Tell me everything.”

“Why do you care though?”

“Because,” Liam stops again, like he’s measuring his words this time, “I’ve spent far too long living a life that isn’t real, that doesn’t have substance, and yours Zayn, it’s got those by the dozen.”

“You do realise that I live in a studio flat in south London that’s got a less monthly rent that is probably what this room costs for a night.” He’s direct with it, his world – he’s learnt over time – its black and white – there is a right and a wrong way.

He only lets his vivid imagination out when he’s asked too because he’s got far too more pressing matters in his life than trying to figure out the meaning of life.

“You do realise I’ve spent the last four years in a relationship with a girl I don’t love all the sake of appearance.”

He’s taken aback by that. That’s Liam’s own version of honesty he summarises.

“What do mean?”

“I’m queer Zayn. My management team decided I can’t ever be out publicly. If they knew about you right now they’d probably call in reinforcements because it’s something I’m not supposed to speak about, but God today, I looked at you, stopping yourself from rushing over because of some twisted idea of decorum and my mind exploded.”

He leaves Zayn speechless, and he’s recognised that because he’s not said anything – Liam goes into panic mood. He can hear a _fuck you aren’t even into men you’ve got a baby for god’s sake._

He grabs one of Liam’s arms that was resting on one of the sides and whispers, “Shut up right now.” Liam stops immediately, ready for whatever Zayn’s got to say.

Zayn in turn bites his lips and sits up, swivelling himself around so that he’s looking right at Liam.

“For one thing, I’m swing, mostly men, Liam. Secondly you’ve known me for a total of two hours. You’re also famous, or have we forgotten that?”

“I don’t care. I come here to hide because the staff know me enough to know never to ask questions. I have three weeks off and this is where I’m always at because at home they bombard me with things I don’t want to do, and if I’m honest, I’d love to get to know you better. My life, it’s a glass house full of stones.” Zayn shrugs his hand reaching out to touch Liam’s cheek.

“I’m basically a twenty-five-year-old fail Liam Payne, couldn’t even look at you straight the minute I realised who you are.”  Liam laughs

“I think that little girl in there would beg to differ.”

He can’t really argue with that, _doesn’t_ have time to bicker because it’s when Aalia walks out into their space. He immediately turns his head at the slight noise, the sound of her socks sliding across the wooden floor before her feet hit the carpet. He moves backwards, opens his arms and she promptly falls into them.

“What’s your name hunny?” Liam asks sweetly running a gentle finger over her nose.

“Aalia, Mr Payne.” She replies squishing her face a bit, in an effort to smile. He laughs and she looks up at them, both of them, for the first time like she’s just realised they’ve been talking.

“Don’t call me Mr Payne pretty please, Liam ok?” She nods and leaves them to go in look at the park from the terrace.

“It means noble you know.” He tells Liam once she’s out of earshot. “Her mum – she didn’t want her – took off when she was three weeks old, I even picked her name and after she dropped off the face of the planet, it seemed fitting.”

Liam looks at him and opens his arms for him again.

“You take care of her so well, do you ever let someone take care of you?” Liam whispers it into his ear, he shivers. He’s never really thought about it.

He shakes his head, signalling a no before, “I have two friends, one refusing to understand that she’s a child and doesn’t need swear words in her life, and the other one having a crisis because he’s being lead to believe he’s fathered a baby that isn’t his. Them and her – it’s all I have Liam. You see when you have a kid at twenty, everyone drops off – even my parents. If we paralleled our lives – you were skyrocketing into your future and I had just moved into student housing with a one-month old baby.”

He sighs and let’s himself relax enough to drop his head into Liam’s shoulders. Liam places a half kiss onto his temple before going in search of his fingers.

He squeezes. Hard. And Zayn thinks that it’s meant to mean something that’s eluding him at right this instant, so he lets himself have the moment. His head falls on the back of the sofa as Liam’s falls onto his shoulder. They stop talking, just take the time to breathe in the quiet.

He looks at his watch a good half an hour later and realises its past half six now. The parade starts at 7 and he knows he needs to get some good food into Aalia before he takes her out in to the chillness of the night.

Liam asks if he could tag along. Stating its dark enough that people won’t see. He agrees. He can at least talk to someone his own age for a while.

He doesn’t outwardly question Liam when he takes a selfie with Aalia and post it on his Instagram account, captioning it with _found my pretty princess tonight_. He’s just tipped off his fans about his whereabouts, but when he does bring this fact up, Liam just shrugs and says “You’re worrying too much yeah?”

And maybe he stops being whiny because of that, maybe that’s why he takes out his camera and starts videoing the night parade so that he’s got it saved in his memory stick by the morning, maybe that’s the reason why he lets Liam grab his hand and lead him around the park because he can tell he knows his way around backwards.

Zayn’s only met Liam today, but he’s already mostly forgotten about who Liam’s supposed to be because he’s too busy enjoying what Liam’s showing him now.

He certainly hasn’t got all the answers, but as he watches the Liam Payne lift his little girl up onto his shoulders and carry her all the way back to their room because she’s falling asleep just as midnight hits, he thinks maybe just maybe _there might just be something there._

_*_

They don’t share – Zayn finds the whole idea rather ridiculous if he had to be honest. Liam barely knows them – the way he’s been with them – his behaviour doesn’t make sense one bit. It does make Zayn forgot who Liam’s supposed to be though even if he’s planning on moving off and away a little while he tries and gets inside Liam’s head.

He’s watching now – as Aalia orders her breakfast on the terrace, the brilliant morning sun sitting prettily on her cheekbones. Her face in many respects is structured a lot like his – with its highly defined jawline and curve of their eyebrows really matching. She’s got her mother’s eyes though, these blue grey irises that change colour according to her mood and weather, like right now – he can see they’re the dark shade of blue he adores because it means his baby is happy.  It’s horrible really when he’s faced with a pair of grey, almost metallic eyes. It only occurs when the weather isn’t exactly forgiving and she’s refusing to go to school but he can only imagine what it might mean when she’s older and her issues don’t just revolve around the changing seasons.

“Aalia darling,” He calls out grabbing her attention immediately. He walks out to her and kneels down beside her chair.

“Baby, do you really need twelve pancakes for breakfast? Don’t you think you’re overdoing it a bit?”

Liam had offered to bring in room service instead of having to go down for food. He’s allowing it once. He’s dished out for a character breakfast and he’s damn sure he’s going to it. He would tell Liam – but he’s quite sure he’ll just respond with something along the lines of have a private party in here then.

But no. Zayn Malik is not a charity case and he will not be treated as such.

Ever.

She nods, her eyes going big with fear that he’s going to shout. So he does the opposite. Stands up and lifts her into his arms, carrying her over to their room – purposely closing the door. Liam didn’t seem fussed as he moved past him, remaining on his phone like nothing out of the ordinary was happening at all.

He settles her down on the bed, kicks his shoes off and climbs up as well.

“Darling – you know it’s just you and me in this world right?” She nods, moving closer and climbing over his lap looking up at him waiting for whatever speech was following.

“Mr Payne has been really nice to us but he’s someone we won’t see again after we leave here so please don’t go off spending his money without a reason ok?

She nods again and settles her head into his chest.

“I love you beti, and I’m not mad, just please try to understand that Mr Payne won’t ever really care about us ok?”

He doesn’t expect her to say anything, but he knows it’s enough to stop her from becoming excessive. She had the same issue with Niall and Louis. Going off and spending money on whatever she pleases then he had reimburse his friends for entertaining her. It’s an issue – he’s aware, but his child gobbles up the attention, good or bad because even if he’s got love in abundance – it’s not enough for a growing little girl.

“I’m sorry baba.”

“Nothing to be sorry for love, now go get some toast and come here so I can get you ready. We leave in an hour ok?” She nods and leans up to kiss his cheek. He hopes that this time – she listens.

*

He finds that Liam doesn’t bother them much really. Spending a day in the park – away from _him_ meant he’s gotten to do most of the things he’s wanted without having to worry about strategies and motives.

Aalia is currently chasing up Donald Duck for an autograph and it’s the first time today he’s had to breathe. He watches as she waits in line with a group of about six kids. They’ve been to _It’s a small world_ in Fantasyland five times he swears but he doesn’t mind. They can visit the studios tomorrow and there is always Adventureland and Frontierland when all else fails to keep him away from their room.

He decides they’d only go where she wanted to go. Although that Pirates of the Caribbean attraction had gotten him in heaps loads of trouble with her because he’d refused, claiming it’s too dangerous. They had still ended up walking over andfinds that Peter Pan’s tree was enshrined right next to it. They stayed up there for a good half an hour while she took pictures of the surrounding area – he sat and watched her.

But now she’s running back to him with the glee in her face he’s never really seen before and it fills his heart with something he can’t quite explain yet. It’s absolutely brilliant to watch her be _this_ happy. He’s never been able to give her this before, even with his boundless amount of love – giving her something to remember _now,_  means the world to him.

He opens his arms and she falls straight into them, pressing a kiss to his cheek just as she lands. The force of her run rattles him, his stick thin legs and lanky arms aren’t much of a defense when it comes to his beti and her ballet muscles.

“Baba!” she whispers harshly into his ear, “Baba I think I want to live here forever.” It’s wistful, almost a yearning that’s burning deep within her. He sighs – he didn’t really expect this out of her.

Zayn decides right then it’s time for lunch, anything to get her out of this mood. He plainly picks her up and takes the time to actually look at the view he’s met with, actually taking the time to look at the place he’s in, rather that living in some sort of twisted dream.

He’s enthralled by the commotion of the people around him, he lingers a little, people watching. Families with buggies, two or more kids falling off their arms, little monsters with no manners because they aren’t given that much time and attention here and there. An elderly couple with their granddaughter trying to persuade her that the Indiana Jones is definitely not a good idea for them, while the pouty little miss refuses to cooperate. The barely out of their teens couple trying to provoke the idea that they are never too old for Disney on not just each other – but anyone with an ear too. He loves the buskers, the young men charcoaling stuff into the paved floors of this fairy-tale.

He realises for the first time – that people come here to escape – but now he wonders, if it usually has the opposite effect, the idea of the perfect holiday falling apart because of the stress of it all.

He hears a little chuckle and tilts his head to look at her. She in turn kisses his nose which makes him laugh a bit, a little surprised by her usually lacking public affection.

“Baba, Mr Liam is so nice to you, why is it that you don’t want to be his friend?” The tone in her voice saddens him, but the decision was made and he never goes back on those.

“Babe, Mr Liam is someone you’ve met for three hours, please stop thinking about him.”

“But baba, he gave us his room.”

“Yes Aalia he gave us his room does that mean he deserves a crown and flowers?”

She takes the time to think about that comment. Her eyes looking up at him in disbelieve that he’d consider saying something like that.

“I just think it be nice to have someone love you other than me that is all.”

His chest tightens at her remark.

“Aalia Suhad Malik, you’re five years of age, don’t put your nose in adult business do you understand.”

Her face drops into his shoulders; she whispers a gentle _I just want you happy_ into his ear. “I am happy.” He says aloud enough so she can hear him. “I’m happy because I have you, and no one not even Mr Liam Payne can change that ok?” He feels her nod, he hopes and prays it’s the last her hears of this.

“How about we go the Lion King’s show for lunch?” He asks as he reaches the map pointing him to the direction of the theatre.

Her head is immediately up, and her toothless smile is back on her face, she’s grinning at him again – always laughing, it’s brilliant to see this gleeful if her were honest.

“Come on then, and get Liam out of your head ok.”

She smiles, he takes that as a yes.

*

By the time they get back to the room, she’s half asleep on his shoulder, her hair dangling down onto his back as her face is turned in towards his face. He can feel her breaths, in out, in out slow, steady, almost sated. He smiles, he loves that he’s able to give her this now – at a time she can remember it.

He swipes the card and slowly opens the door. He can see Liam stretched out on the sofa, headphones in, his eyes closed. There is a notepad on his chest, like he’s taking notes from whatever he’s listening too. The light is dimmed, but he can just make out he’s shirtless. He wants to linger, but refuses to be caught red handed so he slides his eyes down, holds Aalia tighter and slips into the room. He tucks her in – he’ll need to wake her up before the fireworks, just because he knows she’ll kill him if she missed them, but he gets two hours of silence for now – he’s gonna take it.

When he’s back out into the living space, Liam’s sat up, headphones sitting round his neck and the pad on the table. He smiles at him, and Zayn feels his heart ache a little. It’s been a while since he’s liked someone.

“Come here, I want you to hear something.” Liam’s gesturing at him to come closer, so he obliges, sits on the arm of the sofa while Liam goes about playing with his phone.

 “Just before I arrived, I wrote this, the piano didn’t quite fit to start with, but my producer made it perfect, listen.” As Liam’s explaining, a song comes on. It’s British soul at its best, leaning heavily towards old school indie if he had to be honest. It’s something else. Soft, calm – almost at peace and it isn’t about a girl which is something in itself.

 

“Album soon?” Liam nods leans his head backwards smiling, reaching out to pull him into him, nearly falling into his legs before Zayn swerves and lands on the sofa as well. He suspects it was on purpose.

 

“Tell me,” He starts, “Tell me why you’re like this with me?” it’s slow, and quiet, just because he doesn’t really want an answer, but he _needs_ one for his sanity’s sake.

 

Liam in turn, grabs his chin and tilts it to the side so that they’re looking at each other.

 

“The truth is I have no idea. It fits Zayn, it fits in my head, but I don’t know how to explain it. You’re you, and I’m me, and I’d die to have you around constantly.” Liam’s tone is sharp, but then it clouds with uncertainty, kind of a lot like his. So he grabs Liam’s hands and squeezes. “My issue isn’t me, my issue is you, because when you wake up from this – you’re still famous Liam Payne and I’m – well. “

 

“Well nothing.” This time it’s clear again, “You’re the first person in a long time that I actually want to get to know. Can you – if you don’t want to give me anything else give me that?”

 

“I think I can, I mean – it’s weird – know that but – " He shifts up so that he’s looking at him again, “I like it too – it’s why I don’t want it to end.”

 

Liam shifts so that they’re now sitting up. “It won’t.” he whispers, “Just don’t close up yeah?” Zayn laughs then. “Liam I’ve been here exactly two nights – let’s just see where this goes ok?” Liam nods and bumps his head against his shoulder, lingering a bit, probably smelling Zayn’s cologne.

 

“Li, we need to get to dinner – the fireworks, she’d kill me if I didn’t wake her.” He says after tolerating _that_ for a few minutes.

 

It’s weird – what Liam was asking for. It’s even more peculiar that he’s not really shut it down – when he’s basically done that with everyone that’s come 3 metres too close to him. But as Liam’s calling in room service, asking them to only bring up _halal food_ he knows it’s going to take a hell of a lot to stop it.

 

*

Night falls into day; the firework show turns into three consecutive nights of indulgence– they should have left for Paris by now.

 

But with Aalia insisting on staying with Liam – they do.

Even if he wanted to visit the capital – they’ll go the weekend.

They only explore in the night together, preferring it that way, just because he didn’t want to get stuck in a situation where his fans are all over them.

It’s different, the way the holiday went. His first time out of the country and he finds his way haphazardly into the arms of a lonely celebrity in need of some proper attention.

 

He doesn’t really hate the idea of Liam – he just hates what Liam actually brings, and how he knows that neither he nor Aalia are ready to deal with it. Liam’s world – it’s not his – Liam’s way of life, his comforts, probably the way people usually treat him – he doesn’t fit into something like this. It’s a puzzle that just won’t fit – he knows this – Liam probably does too, but for now – whilst their still in this bubble – he won’t overthink it.

 

“Lia babe, come here if you want your hair plaiting, you’re meeting pocapoca we can’t do that if you’re watching the castle.” It’s colder this morning, the late October weather didn’t help with her coughs. Aalia was a premature baby, so her immune system is still trying to play catch up. She stays there for a few more seconds, breathing on the glass and drawing a heart onto the door pain. He wants to chuckle but he can’t she’s been in love with that thing since she could talk.

 

She bumbles over to him after a bit, Romanov doll hanging from his fingers as she falls down by his feet just as he hears the shower turning off in the other room. “Baba do you think they’d be snow in December?” She asks as he parts her hair to make her favourite Dutch fairy braid.

 

“Dunno babe, we’ll see when we come to that. Do you still want to go to the effi tower after today?” Effi is her version of the Eiffel Tower, personifying her quite nicely in his opinion and while he is afraid of heights, he thinks he can stomach that for a few hours. He also had been secretly wanting to go the Chateaux de Versailles – the illusion of grandeur has always been a thing of his. She nodes and clasps her hands over his, “whatever you want baba.”

 

“You leaving?” He hears just as she leaves for the terrace giving him the time to text Louis.

 

“I only booked for three nights, it is now day five. Don’t you think we’ve trodden on your toes enough?” He almost spits it out – which he regrets immediately when he looks up and Liam’s looking at him like a kicked puppy.

 

He drops his phone and makes grabby hands at him, he comes and immediately settles his head in the middle of Zayn’s chest.

 

“Zayn, you aren’t some burdens you know.” Liam whispers when he’s got his fingers ebbed around Zayn’s waist and his jaw tilted just so it’s resting on Zayn’s collarbone.

 

“I know.” He says leaning down, feeling Liam’s hair brush his left ear “But I have a job to go too, and a little girl to take care of. I can’t be running around after walking sex dream like a deer caught in headlights – all because of what _we could be_.”

 

Liam doesn’t really react just, “I see you’ve given this some thought.” He pops his tongue between his teeth like he’s giving serious thought to this conversation. He refuses to roll his eyes with fond telling himself it’s far too early for things to be this comfortable.

 

“Where you going then?” Liam asks now, quiet in his musings.

 

“Paris, hopefully, even if it’s just for the weekend.”

 

“Can I come with?”

 

“Do you really want too?”

 

“What if I come to Paris but then let you go home in peace, don’t get mad if I just turn up at your house though.”

 

He laughs, letting himself relax – he doesn’t do this. He doesn’t know how to do this actually. Liam slips further into him, his head fully resting into his chest now. Zayn’s narrow arms protecting him for this short period of time.

 

Aalia saunters to the door a short while later, asking about the holdup seeing it’s nearly half ten and they haven’t been out yet. She smiles – his cheeks tinged red at the sight of this new found happiness. She runs over to them and gently climbs over Liam who lets go of him to cuddle her instead.

 

He likes this. He likes where this is going. He’s not sure about the timing of it but he’s just fine with doing this now – here – at a time where he thought he’d rather be better off alone forever.

 

“Thank you.” He whispers into Liam’s ear, pressing a small kiss to his temple as he brings them both closer.

 

He’s definitely not sure what changes will occur outside of here, but as he sits in the tinker bell suite in Disneyland’s most expensive boulevard, he’s ok – and that’s all that matters.

 

*

 

Later that day, when the sun is setting, where he sees the dark red meets blue and the stars come out to play he think about the memory full of Princess pictures and a thick little flip book with all the signatures written down on the dash, Aalia settled in the back seat, half asleep holding onto her Romanov doll for dear life, as two new Mickey and Minnie mouse dolls sit next to her – gifts from Liam. Her hair a little frazzled and her coat half undone. Liam sat next to him directing the way to Paris like he’s done this route a hundred times over, with his arm resting on his driver seat and a small smile resting upon his lips, he just about believes that maybe Disneyland didn’t turn out so bad after all.

 

*

 

 

After, when Liam’s low key checked them into a little hidden boutique hotel under a false name he asks why he’s taken to them as well as he has. Liam smiles and grabs out for his arm pulling him onto the bed and onto him like it was nothing out of the ordinary at all and says “I’d like to think it was your face.” He starts with a cheeky smile, “but as I got to know you it’s more than _just_ that.”

 

Liam shifts, suddenly serious, leaning up against the headboard so that he could explain better.

 

“Me, I’ve basically spent the majority of the last half decade alone in hotel rooms, screaming at the walls. The only solace I got is the people that care and support me no matter what goes on. There are people in the fandom that can see who I am and they support me with everything they’ve got. You ask were I’m going with this? I’ll tell you. For the first time in nearly six years I looked at you and I couldn’t think straight. And in that very moment, I knew that no matter where you’ve come from and no matter how many issues I might find, I want to have the chance to fall in love with you.”

 

“Shhhh,” He sighs shutting him up.

 

“It’s currently been five days,” He starts slowly, “It’s been five days and I’ve never seen someone fall into our lives as seamlessly as you have. I don’t know where this will go Liam, I have so much to think of back home I’ll barely have time to think about anything else. I just got the notice that I’ve passed enough to graduate, came in my email about four hours ago, master’s degree, first class. I have a bouncing five-year-old and way too much issues to even get you involved in them. You’re far too brilliant to be running after someone like me.”

 

Liam grabs his fingers before replying, ebbs his bigger ones around his hands, making his own thin digits slip out of view. Zayn looks down, watching as even their fingers seem to just _fit_ together and he’s afraid.

 

He’s afraid that he’s tying up his heart to a man that can never be his. A man that has the power to shake up the charts at the drop of a hat as a cool 1M drops into his back account. Liam’s successful in a fashion he can’t ever compete with and he’s afraid – because he’s allowed Aalia to be put into a situation that he’s gonna have to give up on eventually.

 

He feels Liam tilt his chin upwards, his eyes immediately fall shut as he feels Liam studying his features. He’s never especially liked this type of intimate. Then again, he’s never allowed himself to be in this situation before. He feels Liam’s fingers run up his face, his thumbs pad gently over his eyes, before running his fingers over his cheeks and staying there.

 

“Look at me.” He whispers. “Zayn, look at me.” It’s more forceful now seeing he didn’t reply, still gentle however. He in turn flicks his eyes open, to be met with Liam’s own set of whisky coloured irises burning with intensity.

 

“You know, I never wanted anything to start with. I usually keep to myself, it’s hard to know who your friends are when you’re someone like me. It’s not just me falling into your lives, it’s also you falling into mine, remember that.” He’s never really thought about that – but he has in a way come to rely on Liam in ways he can’t believe. From the simple way he helps with Aalia’s bath time – much more enjoyable now that there is Liam singing all the Disney songs with her – to the way they’ve taken to read her the comic books together special effects and all. If he had to be honest – it was _nice_ to have someone around.

 

He lifts his fingers so that they rest on Liam’s arms and slides his eyes down again. “I just don’t want you to feel bogged down, because all of a sudden there a child and a responsibility, and that comes along even with just a friendship. It could be too much for you that’s all.”

 

“Maybe I want it though – slow as we want, build it up as we go, don’t rush into anything, that’s not what I want, I just want you – and her, whether it takes three weeks for three years, you understand.”

 

He chuckles then, “Not even you would wait three years Liam Payne.”

 

“Are you going to take me up on that?” Liam laughs back, just as he flicks his eyes back up.

 

“Maybe.” He smirks just as he decides it’s time to crash his head against Liam’s head just to feel that beating heart again – a thing he might grow to love soon.

 

“Deal Mr Malik.” Liam whispers into his hair as he fells his arms press him tighter into the expanse of him.

 

*

 

Liam gets them a private viewing of Chateaux de Versailles by noon the next day, they’re in the Louvre by mid-afternoon and when Liam finally joins them, the sun’s gone down and they’re en route to the Eiffel Tower or _Tour Eiffel_ as their driver keeps saying in that drawled out French accent of theirs just to make Aalia laugh. When he asks if this is costing Liam a fortune, he just laughs at him and says “I drop my name in and they give me access for free babe.” It makes Zayn wonder what it’s like to be able to live such a life, a life where people fall at your feet just for the bragging rights of ‘serving’. Where the richer you are, the more free things you get access too.

 

The world is a weird place.

 

“Had fun today sweetheart?” He hears Liam ask Aalia. It brings him out of his reverie just so that he watches her bumble into Liam’s lap like she’s known him her entire life.

 

“Uh huh, my baba couldn’t stop taking pictures.” She says just as her arms come up to her face, her fingers forming a square, then squeezing them, resembling a camera. He smiles – he majored in art before taking his PGSE in English, he’s always wanted to go to Paris for that very reason, it’s not really allowed, but he wasn’t exactly stopped either.

 

Liam looks at him and smiles, “What did you just finish?” He says as he beckons him closer to them.

 

“Well now a masters, last year it was to teach English, before that it was joint honours art and lit, heavier on the art side and writing a book as we talk.” Liam shakes his head smiling and looks down at Lia, “Your baba is a very busy man.” It makes Zayn laugh, which prompts Aalia to say, “He’s a teacher now, he’s going to come teach at my school.”

 

It was more information than he wanted to give Liam at this point, but there was no point getting mad about it, once it’s out, it’s out.

 

“Aalia, sweetie, I’m only going to be doing a placement at your school, until the job comes up in secondary you know that.”

 

He’s been shortlisted to start teaching at Harrow, but it was for the next school year coming and in the meantime, he had to make himself useful somewhere. There were bills to pay after all and teaching assistant wage doesn't pay jack shit.

 

“Yeah yeah, you’re still coming though.” He can’t take that away from her, he was starting just after Christmas.

 

The car stops then and doors are being opened from both sides. Liam takes Aalia out from one end, while he goes out the other. As they’re ushered into the lifts up to the restaurant at the very top, Liam grabs his fingers and squeezes. The sun had disappeared and the city was starting to light up the night sky. It’s that beautiful intensity, the flair of the colours, that’s given him the urge to rest his head on Liam’s shoulder, but not yet.

Instead he just looks out to catch glimpses of Paris through the metal. It’s called the city of love for a reason, and as the lift dings signalling they’ve arrived, he’s starting to believe that he himself is falling for a little bit more than just this glorious city.

 

*

 

Later, when they’re safely back in their room, Aalia asleep on his lap, her hair half ways off the bed, her cheeks tinted red and boots screwed across the room, he sighs happily trying to understand why Liam finds him so worthy. _This_ so worthy.

 

He’d left them to take a call from his management, for him it meant an excuse to ramble on his head. A habit that he knows will screw him over one of these days.       

 

He smiles, gently taking one of his fingers to run them across his Beti’s cheekbones, moving stray hairs out of her mouth because she dropped asleep so fast the minute they got in there wasn’t time to even change her.

 

He moves out from under her, so that he’s able to gently lay her into bed properly, taking off her jeans and placing her Romanov under her arm so that she wouldn’t freak out thinking she’s lost it again. He’s placing a gentle kiss to her forehead just as he hears the bathroom door reopening, signalling that Liam’s out of his call.

 

“It takes a hell of a lot of patience to not go off on them.” Liam whispers slowly as he sauntering slowly to his bed and just about falling on top of it forgetting to take his shoes off in the process.

 

“What happened?” He asks automatically now. He doesn’t move from his and Aalia’s bed, just because he _can’t_ but he’s still going to ask Liam why the sudden sullenness.

 

“Kinda told them to fuck off.”

 

“You’re gonna have to explain that one.”

 

“They want me to party as some shit club. I don’t wanna.” Liam’s practically whining into his pillow. It’s almost adorable if it wasn’t for the seriousness of the offence to take place.

 

“Another winter girlfriend?” It’s obvious why they want him to be seen out. Liam almost scowls at him he could tell even if his face wasn’t half mushed out of sight. This time he moves to Liam’s bed, placing his left hand in Liam’s hair soothing it a little.

 

“I got out of it.” Liam sighs.

 

“Then why the face.” He whispers, as he drags his index finger down Liam’s nose.

 

I’d just rather hang with you two.” Zayn’s heart almost drops, sometimes Liam says these things he doesn’t really know how to reply too.

 

“I wanna just stay with you, because you need to go back and then you’d have no time to hang with me.”

 

Zayn stops his fingers to gently rest them over Liam’s shoulder, pushing on it so that Liam falls fully on the bed.

 

“You know; you’d probably wouldn’t want to be seen anywhere near my flat when we get back to London. Think I’d rather you go do what you’re told then risk getting dropped.”

 

“Why are you always so wise?”

 

Zayn chuckles lowly, almost hollowly before replying, “It’s what happens when you have a kid at twenty and you’re dead arse broke because you decide on private schooling so you’re always trying to make meets end.”

 

“Wish I found you sooner.” Liam says pulling at his shirt. Zayn lets himself slide down to rest his head rest over Liam’s heartbeat at least for a little while. He doesn’t reply, just wonders why he’s letting himself start to fall for somebody so hugely wrong for him and how he’s not putting up his walls to stop Liam dead in his tracks.

 

*

 

Liam is gone for what feels like forever. It’s in fact only two hours giving him time to pack all their things and take a shower. He notices that Liam’s took the liberty of stealing some of his clothes. He doesn’t mind really, it’s a level of comfort he’s never had with anyone let alone a celebrity. Zayn still believes they’re moving way too fast, still wants to believe that Liam’s only doing this out of goodwill and charity but he knows deep down it isn’t the case – and that – it scares him.

 

Once he’s towelled off and put some sweatpants on, he decides to get into bed next to Lia and wait up. He guesses Liam never really had that before so it was only right for him to want to do something small. He grabs his tablet to actually log in and go through twitter, purposely searching up Liam’s name and follows him before he started going through Liam’s mentions. He’s always known who Liam was just because he’s in the papers daily, but he’s never really had the time to internet stalk him.

 

Pictures with glazed and droopy eyes appear within seconds. Liam’s holding shots in the palms of his hands while his arms are draped over women no doubtably paid to be there. It’s all a little sad and maybe a little threatening but all he feels right now is the sheer irony of it all.

 

Liam looks like he has it all, but now that he’s spent close to an inch of the time he dreams he has, he just wants to take him and wrap him up and never let go.

 

He shakes his head then though; he finds it funny that he’s finding he cares so much about someone he really knows so little about. He sighs sleepily but reaches for his glasses, he decides it was time to search up Liam’s life with a finer toothed comb. If he’s going to be expected to just know what Liam’s on about – might as well.

 

He digs for what feels like hours only coming out of his coma when he hears the door to the room open. He looks up expecting to see Liam drunk, however what’s standing in front of him instead is a very obvious sober man that just seems exhausted.

 

Liam smiles down at him before moving into the bathroom for a few minutes. It gives Zayn the time to shut off his tablet and get ready to sleep.

 

He brings up the blanket over Aalia’s back before shifting himself into a more comfortable position. He drops his arm over his tired eyes, hiding most of his face with the fold of his elbow, blinding the dim light for a minute, allowing them to adjust.

 

He hears shuffling a little while later from somewhere to his left and decides to investigate. He opens one of his eyes to look at what Liam’s doing. He’s packing his own bag up, only leaving out sweatpants and a change of clothes.

 

“I know you’re staring.” Liam chuckles out before turning around to face him.

 

“I’m not.” Because even Zayn can be a petulant child sometimes. Liam laughs this time before moving forward, coming closer to him. Zayn is shy. Zayn is not the type to openly first and expect it to be returned. So he does what he does best, hide.

 

Liam, however seems to know exactly how to react to him. He reaches forward for his arm and moves it out of the way, only just realising he’s crawled over the bed to get there. Liam settles down on his tummy, he’s only resting, refusing he guesses to put his full weight on Zayn and smiles, like he’s done this a thousand times before in a hundred different scenarios.

 

“You waited.” Liam whispered, consciously looking over to Aalia like he’s only realising she’s there. “I did; thought you’d find it nice.” He wants to kick himself silly, nice? Really.

 

“More than babe, it’s good knowing you’re gonna be there too.”

  
“How did you manage to get out the club sober?” He asks the important questions ok.

 

Liam laughs. “It’s a running joke to take in water with me and fill the free shot glasses with them and presto, vodka.” Zayn smiles, of course Liam found a way to beat the system.

 

“The girls though, fit as hell yeah.” Liam comes down over him, his brown eyes burning gold, “Yeah, if you like chicks.” Liam whispers before licking into his mouth. Zayn realises it’s happened before he processes how he should react. He opts for grabbing Liam’s jaw, brokering him firmly into place, before he reciprocates. Their mouths finally meld into each other and Zayn feels like flying.

 

When they come up for air, Liam’s head is falling to Zayn’s neck, and Zayn swears by God that’s the place it’s always should have been.

 

“Don’t ever stop doing that.” Liam’s saying lowly into his ear as he’s nipping at the lobe.

 

“I won’t, not ever.” He promises, as Liam falls off him tucking his head under Zayn’s jaw. He runs his fingers down his spine before shifting himself so that he’s sure Liam’s falling asleep to his heartbeat.

 

And maybe up to this point he was trying to fight himself on something that just didn’t need fighting, that didn’t need intrusion, that didn’t need attention, and he’s hoping almost praying – it’s the same on Liam’s side too.

 

*

October slides into January pretty easily after that.

The minute they arrive back home Zayn is bombarded with real sad truth of his reality – but it’s different now.

Liam pops in every time he gets which break down his weeks, after a massive talk and a tonnes of cuddles, he’s allowing himself to find time to fully relax in this _new_ routine. It's breaking him down in ways he never knew existed. Starting to mold him and almost shape him into a better version of himself, another new version that works in tune to Liam.

It's different and it fucked with him for a couple of weeks, but as Christmas comes around a usually painful sad affair for them –  it settled something deep within his being - the knowledge that they could maybe, _just maybe_  be something incredible.

It’s funny, if not a little bit endearing but it helps brings the order and structure to his life he’s always dreamed about and before he knows it he’s got Niall, Louis and Liam around for celebration lunch after meeting him at his November graduation,  in his tiny flat and Aalia being her usual little self, taking up all the attention.

It’s nice, he must admit as he wraps his fingers around his morning coffee waiting for the sunrise.

He's just finished Salat, waking up early means he gets to watch the day break, watching the beady dark blue fade into the soft pinks and oranges of the early day, It’s a daily set for his moods. When he was younger he used to find prayer irrevocably boring, but the older he gets the more he realises and understands his Ammi’s need to be one with Allah so early.

He misses her today – that feeling in his bones, his shaking fingers around his mug and the heavy off set beating of his heart tells him exactly what his body is missing today – his mother.

He rubs the sleep out of his eyes, as he makes his way to prepare Kaif’s food bowl, boils the kettle for the third time and prepare Lia’s uniform and food for the day, because she's picky and hates school dinners. He does every day, because if he doesn’t it feels like he’s failing at keeping his boat afloat.

It’s different now though, Liam’s asleep in the other room, shaggy haired and shirtless with as much gusto and passion he had the day they met, the only thing that’s changed is, _they aren’t strangers anymore_.

Zayn isn’t trying to find potholes in everything Liam does or says.

All he has to deal with really is Liam going off somewhere without being able to tell him and even if he’s shocked to find out he’s somewhere in middle America romancing some model off a yacht he takes it and never mentions it because what he’s got with this man it’s a dream, one he’s not sure how long will last but none the less, it makes him happy – it’s not his place to interrogate, after all – it’s not as if they’ve defined this.

He sighs out heavily, he’s got an emergency meeting today with the woman that’s decided she likes his manuscript enough to want to publish it. He should be happy, but he’s well aware that it’s not exactly classical literature. Liam himself had asked him why he doesn’t write straight up porn, but no. He likes to hide it under the guise of contemporary modern where he gets to explore the dynamics of male/male without feeling compromised. He _still_ creates love stories just not predictable ones.

He saunters slowly back into his room, closes the door and as quietly as he can, rolls up his prayer rug and slips back into bed. Ever since Liam turned up one night unexpectedly late enough to stay over he realised he had to finally take the time to set up the other small separate room he had in the flat for Aalia. He’d been using it to house Kaif’s crate and his other things but now he realised he needed the space in order to have some semblance of privacy. It means that he’s set down a new set of boundaries and while took her a couple of weeks to get used to, it’s better now.

Liam shifts, grabbing hold of his ribs and pulling him into the hallow of his chest. He’s still asleep when Zayn drops a kiss to his lips.

He likes how easy it is for him to slip into affection but he’s needed it for the last five years, any type of intimacy for him is special. He remembers his alarm is set for nine, calculating he can nip off for the next couple of hours before he actually has to face the day so he closes his eyes and let’s sleep take him for a little while more.

*

He's woken up with the feeling of little kisses being peppered down his back. Eyes closed still, from sleep but falling into a hazy smile when Liam’s fingers find his hips. It’s these moments he likes; these moments he somewhat craves. Thumbs ghosting over his ribcage, smooth soft fingers travelling up the to the valley of this clavicles. This simple intimacy he’s never had yet always found the need to write them into his books.

He shifts, the soft white linen beneath them stretches to accommodate. He turns to face him. His brain orchestrating a reunion with his favourite pair of lips.

They haven’t really been sexual, not yet. Because Zayn has morals. But kissing is one of his favourite pass times, especially when they’re attached to someone so gleefully modest all the time. It’s a bit of a turn on really, but they’re not rushing.

It was better like this.

“Babe,” Liam hushes out, biting on Zayn’s bottom lip slowly causing Zayn to fall into a happy smile again. “Love it when you smile at me like that.” Liam says as he runs his left index finger down the side of his jaw. “Wanna keep you like this forever.”

See, Liam speaks like that, speaks in a way which makes him believe for a spilt second they have forever, when they don’t really. Zayn’s this little big secret Liam’s hiding from just about everyone and everything that matters to him. Zayn’s the shadow between Liam’s bright, he’s the dark to Liam’s light. Zayn’s kept hidden for the pure sake of it, without any real context or logicality to it. It hurts his head when he thinks about it, still hates the fact that Liam turns up whenever he wants at whatever time and knows Zayn’s just there, waiting for him like a lost puppy.

Now he isn’t – but that’s what it feels like.

He heaves in response, places a chaste kiss on Liam’s nose before sitting up, cutting off their contact in the meantime.

He hates that his head stops him from enjoying the in-between.

“What’s wrong.” is what tumbles out of Liam’s mouth in the next instant. And he doesn’t know what’s wrong really because, this, what he has right now is the dream of millions of people across the world, but it was never his. He never asked for this really, he agreed to something far bigger than he’d ever knew back in October. It scares him that one wrong move and all of this might be over, and yes, Liam’s adjusted to his space, and is moving to his own pace, but Zayn feels a little bit out of sync, at a loss of breath, a little lost in the wind.

“Please speak to me.” Liam grumbles, moving closer so that their knees are now touching again. Liam takes the time to grab the bauble from his arm and tie his hair up into a bun. Aalia’s taught him how within the last couple of days.

He rests the palm of his hand against Zayn’s ear when he’s done. “I need to know what’s happening up there to know how to fix it.” Liam’s pensive, almost sad, holding in his own breathing like he’s also scared of making a wrong move. He rests his head further into Liam’s hand further, before fluttering his eyes closed to just breathe in what’s Liam’s asked him to know.

“I –” It’s low and grumbly, his voice grainy and horse with fear, he’s freaking out on the inside but he’s never let that stop him before.

“Don’t you think, all this, us, you being here, don’t you think sometimes it’s all a little crazy?”

Liam’s perplexed now, he can see it in his eyes, in the way he moves his head. In the ways his shoulders tense up and his back hunches. “Not for one minute – Z, these last few months have been my happiest, did you know that.”

“Yeah, but I’m just – nothing. I work, I sleep, I parent, rinse and repeat no time for anything else, why –” He isn’t ready to let this go just yet, but Liam keeps looking, expecting more.

 “ _Why did you choose – this.”_ He can tell it takes Liam all his early morning energy to not roll his eyes at him.

“How many times do we have to keep doing this?” He flicks his eyes shut but hears,

“From the first moment I first met you, all you’ve done is shine, Zayn. You’re I don’t really know, you’re like this comet, hurling towards something so bright, so amazing, you know exactly what you want and exactly how to get it. You skip meals to feed both of us, you shelled out on money you don’t have to give us privacy, everything you do is measured. These tattoos all over you, each with their own story because you wear is so proudly on you sleeve every single day of your life. I’ve watched you pray; I’ve watched your quiet dignity through all this. But at the end of it, you still feel like half the man I am just because of our socio economic standing within this world. I don’t care you know, not about the money, never have, probably never will. I don’t think that that should stop you, stop us from trying something.” Liam’s rubbing at his cheek with his thumb, his other hand going in search for his free hand, fingers ebbing together, Zayn’s happily disappearing between Liam’s ticker ones.

“But I can’t offer you anything Liam. I can’t offer you the world, hell I can’t even offer you sex in a bid for you to stay. You literally walk out that door and you’re exactly whom you’ve always wanted to be, and I’m just left here picking up the pieces every time you’re gone, hoping and begging my God that you’ll be ba – “

“Shush you, that’s enough.” Liam stops him, his thumb rubbing over his lips, effectively stopping his train of thought.

“I’ve told my team about us.” It’s a statement so loud in the quietness of the room he can hear his heart skips a few beats.

“They’re not going to let me, let us,” Liam corrects, his eyes shining now, “come out yet but they’ve promised to talk to the higher ups about the possibility of it. In the meantime, as my birthday present to you and Aalia, I’d love for you to move in with me.” Zayn’s jaw drops open and Liam laughs a little heartily.

Zayn just closes his eyes and leans into the expanse of Liam’s chest. Liam slowly lays down again so that Zayn’s straddling his thighs while his ear rests on his beating heart.

And the position should be sexual, it really should, but nothing has ever felt rushed with Liam even if he’s only been around twelve weeks it’s feels like it’s been twelve years. Liam’s arm goes in search of something on the bedside table before reaching down to his fingers to place something within the grasp of his hand. It’s small box containing a key with a batman chain on it. He smiles and leans up to kiss at Liam’s jaw.

“You’re way too good for me.”

Liam presses a kiss to his forehead before, “I could say that about you.”

And in that instant, Zayn’s alarm goes off.

*

“Z, you can’t possible move in with him.” It’s Louis, being well, Louis.

It’s been three weeks since Liam asked for them to move in with him. He hasn’t yet, not with starting at Aalia’s school and scratching his head at the editing that was being done to his novel, but now he’s told Louis and well – all hell is breaking loose.

“I wasn’t going to move in the next day, but it’s nice that he’s asked.”

“Yeah, but he’s still the one in control here, must be the shagging.”

He rolls his eyes at the remark, because no he’s not that shallow of a man. Hell, he’s only had one other serious relationship since Aalia and that didn’t even last long enough to get to sex.

“No sex Lou, at all.” He can see Louis’ brilliant cerulean eyes widen at his response, he itches to find his pencils at times like these, because somethings are just meant to be immortalise forever.

“I wouldn’t have expected that from you.” Up to that point he was sitting on the kitchen counter, drinking his tea and joking about the fact that he’s bagged someone famous, but now Louis decides to come closer, sit on the rug just across of where he is. Louis doesn’t do that. He doesn’t take a whole lot of things seriously but when he does it’s because they’ve touched his soul, it makes him trust Louis like no other.

He shakes his head; Zayn’s eyes drop to look at his fumbling hands. He hates being placed under a microscope.

“We just kiss, and talk, talk about everything. He calls most nights if he’s not here mainly to bitch about his day.”

Louis laughs, slightly drawled out and a little off, “So you’re friends – but he wants you to move in with him or are you long game?”

“I don’t know. I don’t really ask him things; he just does things.”

“That’s your issue though, you’re scared of him.”

“Am not!”

“Then why don’t you speak to him about things that matter to your heart.” Louis says finally reaching out to grab hold of his chin tilting it upwards so that their eyes meet. He loves moments like these, he doesn’t have to reply. Louis just leans in to hug him.

“You know, remember when I told you about Freddie?” Louis starts shakily, “I thought right then we had reached the peak of our madness, but now I’m waiting for DNA and you’re waiting on a guy that probably is just doing what he is because he’s the token good guy.”

Zayn’s shoulders hunch at that because Louis is never wrong, “And I’m not saying this to hurt you, but please take your time with this decision because this isn’t just for you and Aalia, Liam’s gotta understand he isn’t your superman.” That makes him sigh, he really does hate reality most times.

“Now come on,” Louis says standing up and reaching out his hand for him. “Aalia’s sleepover shipment is imminent.”

*

“Beti, darling, get up, you’re going to be late for school.” He’s shaking her awake slowly, watching a little in wonderment as her sleepy pouts at him, just like him then opens her eyes, grabbing his cheeks and pulling him down to kiss his lips. It was the first day of school after February half term and she wasn’t having it, and he realised that when she was three and started trying to get out of it with kisses. He doesn't give in any longer though, laughs as he drags her off the bed and into the shower anyway. Giving him the time he needs to get dressed himself. He’s loves the idea of going to school with her and staying, however carrying it out was much better and his life had become simpler.

Once he’s ready, he slowly puts a still sleepy Kaif in his crate and goes in search of his phone, waiting by the sofa to braid her hair ready for school. He notices Liam’s twitter notification and his heart stops. He hadn’t spoken to him in a while and finds it extremely weird to check up on him over the internet.

LIAM PAYNE’S WANTON WEEKEND IN FLORENCE is what the article Liam posted says. His heart drops a little when pictures of Liam and the same blonde from the Paris bar come up across his screen. It’s tacky and over the top, a little desperate for his liking, it’s only the fact that he’s kissing her over the brilliant 17th century backdrop that is Florence. The cobbled stoned city was one of his most favourite places on the planet, even taking his Erasmus semester out there, Louis kindly taking care of Aalia for him to live out his dream. It felt a little like it’s taken from him now, that love for the city, and he’s got no idea why Liam wouldn’t tell him about something like this.

“Baba.” Is what he hears somewhere in the distance bringing him back to his reality, and back to his little girl, the only thing that matters.

“Yes darling.”

“Can you do the Dutch braid today pretty please.”

“Yes but I need three bobby pins though.” He calls back, shoving his phone into his dress shirt and giving her time to plop down between his legs, like always.

“When’s Liam coming back?” She asked just as he starts to part her hair.

“I don’t know sweet, when he’s off work I’m guessing.”

“I like it better when he’s here.”

“Me too, but we’ll just wait and see alright?”

“Yes baba.”

“Good.” He says, “Now come on, or we’re really going to be late.”

*

February falls swiftly into March and spring is now in bloom. The birds outside his window chirp louder, the air, it’s fresher, cleaner almost like it too was rebirthing. The sunrise is later now since the clocks switched forward. He hates the readjustment but still worth the wait. Liam hasn’t called in a couple of weeks, Valentine’s day passed with no word, but he doesn’t mind it. Doesn’t question it, focuses on the planning of his lessons and attending Lia’s spring recital that was coming up at the end of the week.

That’s what real he reminds himself, what matters.

He shakes his head out of his thoughts to watch the day break, he’s on the floor, Kaif sleeping on him, a mug in the palm of his hands, enjoying the break into the Saturday sun.

Aalia panders out into the main living space, a pillow print is still visible down her cheek as she walks straight into his free side falling down. Her arm going round him, her feet stuck out straight in front of her. In her hands, the Mickey dolls Liam got her in Paris. He sighs, she feels his absence too.

She looks up and him, her blue grey eyes glow in the soft streams falling into the room.

“Baba, please call Mr Liam, I miss him.” She’s saying, hand curling closer, hugging her dolls tighter.

“I don’t know if Mr Liam wants to speak to us Beti, but I’ll call him when you’re at piano ok?”

Her eyes light up further, if that was possible. “Can we get Nutella crepes after?”

He laughs, it’s a fairly new thing they do, “Only if Mrs Saad tells me you’ve been good.”

Her eyebrows shoot up into her hairline suggesting that she always is her eyes making suggestive looks like he’s a silly bean then pouts before leaning up to kiss at his cheek. As she rounds the breakfast bar to prepare her cereal, the phone rings.

*

“Hello, Mr Malik?”

“Yes, who is this?”

“My name is Nadine Bradshaw, I work with Rocket Music Management, I’m calling on behalf of Mr Liam Payne, I’m one of his handlers, do you have a few minutes, I’d like to ask you a few questions.” He hesitates, but says, “Yes I have the time.”

“If you aren’t aware at this time, Liam’s asked to put in a request to organise a press conference for him to be able to reveal his sexuality. We asked him to keep his distance from you in order to have an easier transition into the real world, not just in our interview coaching sessions that we provide. Mr Malik, what is your current relationship with Liam?”

He has questions a lot of them, but it isn’t his time. “Friendship at best really.”

“When was the last time you spoke to Liam?”

“The fifth of January.”

“Have you got any ambitions within the entertainment or the fashion industry?”

“I teach English.”

“So no plans to move into either industry?” It feels like he’s spoon-feeding the woman now.

“No.”

“Do you think there will ever be a possibility of you and Liam becoming a couple?”

“I don’t know, he stopped talking to me before we found out.”

“Have you got any linkages to the press or media?”

“No, I have two friends a lawyer and an actor.”

“You have a daughter don’t you, do you plan to live off Liam’s wealth?” Now see that it gets him mad, but he keeps it in, he isn’t looking to start trouble.

“No, I work very hard to provide for my kid, she’s mine not Liam’s, I’d never expect him to pay for any of her things.” He can hear his voice straining trying to keep calm, but Aalia comes next to him, and hugs him, she knows enough by now he never shouts when she’s there.

“Thank you, Mr Malik, one last question before I leave you to enjoy your day, What’s your current relationship status?”

“I was seeing Liam; _I was,_ in the past. He’s not spoke to me in over six weeks, so I guess that now make me single.”

“But sir, you said you and Liam were only friends?” He moves away from Aalia to the window, shooing her away for some privacy, he watches as she grabs Kaif by his collar and drags him away into the bedroom before he replies.

“Mrs Bradshaw, Liam and I kissed a lot, talked a lot, bitched a lot. That’s about it though, if you have any questions regarding sexual relations, I’ll make it easy, there wasn’t any.”

“Mr Malik, all we are trying to establish is if you’re a viable person for Liam to be seen around with, as his boyfriend. It’s Liam’s insistence.”

“Why are you asking me about a possible sexual life then?”

“Mr Malik, we have to establish a rapport, Liam’s judgement of you needs to be addressed and source checked. Your University has also been very helpful.”

“Why is it so important that everything I’ve said to Liam needs to be checked?”

“You need to remember that if you go public, your entire life will be under scrutiny of not just the press but Liam’s avid fan base. He’s already put your daughters face on his Instagram account, your privacy goes out the window.”

“And I’m guessing if anything goes south, I won’t have any of the protection Liam does from you because I’m not a client?”

“No, if Liam and yourself decide to go public, we will be there to help you through any tough times, he’s not our first queer client, we’ve handled several before him, but never at the height of fame like this.”

“Am I ok to contact Liam?”

“Yes Mr Malik, the red tape has been passed and you’re free to contact him at any time.”

“Red tape?”

“Financial and credit check, standard procedure I’m afraid.”

He puffs out laughing, “Great just great, so I pass some MI6 credit check but NatWest won’t give me a loan, what is this world coming too.”

The woman on the other side gives a small giggle before replying.” Thank you again Mr Malik, we’ll be in touch shortly, there will be a contract to sign, but we do that in person.”

His gut instinct was right, he’s in way over his head at this point.

“Have a good day Mrs Bradshaw, but for any further contact, please just call me Zayn.”

She pauses for the first time in the entire conversation, finally not reading off a list.

“Ok Zayn, thank you for your time.”

The line goes dead, a constant shrill goes off until he presses the button and puts the phone in its place, the sun has disappeared behind the rain clouds by now and there is a colder chill to the air.

He’s left there, standing stunned with what just happened.

*

“They did what?” Niall’s asking him when he’s over that night.

“They did a financial check and a credit check, they even contacted Westminster to confirm I did actually attend there.”

“You do realise you didn’t authorise for that right?” Niall’s saying as he slips his fingers round the knot of his tie, pulling it undone.

He nods, he knows, he can’t change it though.

“They said, they’ll pop over because there is a contract to sign in person as well.”

Niall snorts. This is why he loved him, with his dyed blonde hair and the crystal clear blue of his eyes, Niall’s temperament changed to the beat of his moods. He’s always soft with Aalia though, the again, he’s been there from the minute they met at uni.

“Yeah, there is also a non-disclosure agreement they haven’t told you about yet.”

He’s pops his arms on the breakfast bar before reaching for his beer just across from him. “A what?”

Niall laughs now, like he’s in on some sort of secret he’s not aware of yet.

“It’s a thing you have to sign to have proper access to your beau, especially if you’re going to do a crazy and go public, it’s why I went into criminal not entertainment the shit I’ve seen is crazy.”

“Yeah but what is it Niall.” It’s not that he’s frustrated, he’s just seriously clueless. He saunters over to the sofa and drops down next to Niall. He’s so proud of himself that he managed to get Aalia showered and in bed before half past seven tonight.

Niall sighs, drops his head on Zayn’s shoulder and “An NDA, is a legal contract between at least two parties that outlines confidential material, knowledge, or information that the parties wish to share with one another for certain purposes, but wish to restrict access to or by third parties. It is a contract through which the parties agree not to disclose information covered by the agreement. An NDA creates a confidential relationship between the parties to protect any type of confidential and proprietary information or trade secrets. In your case, whatever fuckery you undoubtedly will see whilst dating Liam.” Tumbles out of his mouth.

“Did you just do that?” He laughs.

“Zayn it’s not funny.”

“Oh it is though; did you have to memorise that in uni or something?”

Niall slaps his thigh lightly, like he’s trying to scold him, unsuccessfully. “I had to ok?” He says defensively. “Before you specialise you dabble in everything a bit like you wise arse.”

“I specialised fairly soon though.” He retorts.

“I still remember you crying because you hated rhyming couplets and needed twelve of them on a very tight deadline.” He mimics fake appalled the laughs, “I thought we agreed to never mention those dark times.” 

“Zaynie, I know your deepest darkest secrets, it’s gonna be a blast when Liam’s around.”

“You wouldn’t, plus anyways we’ve not been talking.”

“Watch me.” Niall laughs, “and he’ll come round now that she’s told you they’ve kept him away on purpose. Remember Zayn, he’s in a situation that means if they say jump, his only answer is how high.” 

“I know, I know. I just wish it wasn’t that way.”

“You’re the one that’s gone after him.”

“Not really though.” He says as Niall tilts his head upwards to look at him.

“What do you mean?” He asks, eyes widening, almost perplexed.

“He’s the one that kept at it. I don’t know how long I’ve got with him if I’m honest.”

“When did you fuck last?”

That makes Zayn bites the bottom of his lips, rethinking if he wanted to do this or not. Usually he keeps his relationships, or lack thereof private.

“We haven’t – I wanted to slow it down, we met in a weird environment and intimacy was there from the get go, and you know I can’t do that.”

“No because you are an emotionless prick if it isn’t Aalia.”

“Not true, I love both you and Louis as well.”

“Yeah but you never give anyone a chance because Hasina fucked you over.”

“God she’s old news.”

“She’s still the mother of your child and you need to accept the fact didn’t want to be tied down with _you_ before you can move on and love someone else.”

“Maybe I don’t want to, maybe Aalia’s eyes remind me a little bit too much of her and of what we lost and maybe having someone pursue this, me and her so thoroughly to the point he’s ready to change the course of his career is even scarier than being left with a three-week old baby.”       

Niall leans up, swivels around and sits cross legged looking at him. He grabs Zayn’s head with both hands, making Zayn look up at him. It wasn’t forceful or uncomfortable, it was just the way they did things.

“When I first met you, you literally just walked into me. Juggling your coffee cup, sketch book, laptop, and phone while carrying fifteen different novels was never a good look on you. I was first year law and you were first year double honours, both way too old to be first years but both more terrified than the eighteen year olds roaming around everywhere. You let me into your world, into Aalia’s world, your fortress of doom, your ski forts up in the alps, listening to the stars because every single one has a story. It’s a sort of privilege watching you parent that little girl because you know exactly what you’re doing even if you swear by God you don’t. You’re not scared of Liam – you’re scared of falling because if you do your life wouldn’t revolve around a five-year-old with a weakness for anything sci fi.” He slides his eyes shut and leans into Niall, he doesn’t really do contact, but sometimes even he needs it.

Niall lets him, grabs onto his shoulder and pulls them into a more comfortable position.

“You are way too focused on creating a better life,” He starts again, whispering now though, he’s fully aware he’s got Zayn listening, “but it’s been five years and no one has really been let in. Remember when you left for Italy you left Louis in charge or your angel because you knew I was too busy trying to get my notary certificate but told me to keep an eye out anyway. You know these things. What buttons to press and what not to. Allowing Liam to touch you should tell you all you need to know about where your heart is. Or rather, where it wants to be. Why are you fighting it Z, I don’t get it?” He looks up at Niall, in all honesty, he doesn’t really know.  

“You think we don’t see it? This dejected look in your eyes every minute he’s not here? And stop looking at me like you don’t know what I’m on about. You know exactly what I mean. You’re wishing he’d call every second you have spare time. What I’m trying to say, because I’m not one for preaching, your heart is telling you to move on, but your mind is still stuck on a woman that literally flew out to Pakistan to marry some idiot exactly one week after she left you. You deserve more than that, and Liam famous or not, Grammy winner or not, he’s still here asking you things you probably aren’t ready for, but need so badly.”

He’s not really sure how he’s supposed to reply to that, and Niall doesn’t push, just hugs him closer to his lithe frame and switches the tv to match of the day. They sit like that for a good three hours before Niall decides it was time to leave him for home. He leaves him with a kiss to his forehead and a shag out of his hair, reminding him that it’s important to fight for what you want out of life.

When he locks the door and puts out his cigarette, he grabs his phone and calls Liam.

*

“Zayn?”

“Uh, yeah.” He mumbles, sitting out on his window ledge watching the three am sky. His side of London asleep.

“How did you know?”

“Caller id.” Liam chuckles sleepily, clears his throat and hears shuffling.

“Sorry I woke you.” Tumbles out of his mouth, his fingers curling up, a little upset with himself that he forgot what every normal human being does at night. – sleep.

“Sorry I never called.”

“Uh, it’s ok, I know you couldn’t.”

“They called you?”

“Nadine Bradshaw did, this morning.”

“She’s the nicest one.”

“I don’t know, she’s ok I guess, are you home?”

“Yeah, got back in a few days ago. Zayn, I’ve missed you.”

He bites his bottom lip; he wants to hear Liam say that again.

“Say it again.”

“I’ve missed you.”

“Might need to hear that a couple of more times.”

Liam laughs. “Can I come over?”

“Liam, now?”

“Yes now.”

“It’s three am.”

“And I don’t want to be anywhere but next to you.”

This time he laughs, “Why do you have to be so cheesy.”

“Only you bring it out in me.”

“So the blonde.” He says, he needs answers.

“You saw that?”

“I see everything.”

“We haven’t talked since Florence.”

“I don’t like seeing that stuff.”

Liam sighs on the other side, he’s breathing into the phone like he doesn’t like this.

“Me either. It’s why I’ve been pleading and doing everything they ask for, because I would have rather done that with you.”

“What,” He laughs, “Kiss me on the balcony of some villa in Italy?”

“God, where did I find this boy,” He starts before he breaks into a hearty laugh, “No I meant Vogue, your face is made for it.”

Zayn grunts,

“It’s true!” Liam insists.

“Li, why did they stop you from talking to me?”

“They had to do their checks, the red tape and bureaucracy, the men in suits up on top, sorry about that.”

“It’s okay, I mean, I didn’t even know it happened before she said it.”

“We’re good now though, they’re satisfied.”

“How are you going to explain the blonde when you come out.”

“It’s a job, like any other job. I don’t like the way it’s run but at least finally the biggest part of myself is coming out, in a way I do like I switched to Elton John’s label. They’ve set a date; I want you there.”

“I’m teaching now.”

“It’s a Saturday.”

“Aalia has dance.”

“What’s with the excuses.” That’s more of a statement rather than a question.

He hesitates.

“Just don’t want to be dropped again.”

“Not if I can help it.”

“Do you think they’ll ask about Aalia’s mum?” He switches to the reason he called.

“What?”

“Aalia’s mum. I’m scared she’ll coming knocking if we do go public, eventually, you get what I mean.”

“What’s wrong with her?”

“I’ll tell you when you come.”

“Wait, Zayn, did you just say I can come over?”

He laughs, “You’re slow sometimes you know.” He feels his mouth form into a smile the moment he says it.

“You’re happy, I can feel it.” He shivers, this is why he likes Liam.

“I’ll be there in twenty.”

“Finally.”

“I swear; it was the right choice fighting for you.”

They don’t talk for a bit; he listens to a bit more shuffling, keys dropping onto hardwood floor, like he’s in a rush to get here, a car door slamming and an engine roaring. He decides to put his phone on speaker, move the empty beer bottles into the kitchen, tidying up the dinner plates, before perching himself back on his window. He sees Liam’s lights turn into his parking lot soon after, it’s dark but Liam’s waving up at Zayn so wildly his heart skips a beat.

By the time Zayn walks across to open the door for him, Liam’s already up the stairs and waiting to be in. He’s barging in and pinning them to the wall opposite, in seconds. Liam kisses him with an intensity they’ve never really needed before. He’s gripping at his hips, trying to find leverage, but there isn’t any because Liam’s picking him up, mouthing words in his collarbones. Zayn’s fingers find the knobs of Liam’s spine over his shirt. Digs into the soft hair at the base of his skull, holding onto him as Liam tries and grinds them into the wall.

“Missed you.” Liam says in his ear, slowing down his pace, slightly out of breath. “Hope that makes up for kissing the blonde.” He laughs, eyes slipping closed, going back to mouthing at his neck, Zayn’s head hits the wall with a bit of a thud, this is a first for him. Then Liam’s laughing before coming back up to face him, Liam’s eyes are gleaming in the soft light of the moon, his features a contrast between light and dark, he can hear the matching beating rhythms of both their hearts and it should be claustrophobic, but all he’s got inside him right now is joy.

 “No, not enough, never enough.” He says laughing pressing a soft kiss to Liam’s nose. “Now put me down.” Liam pouts, “Kinda like it when you’re like this, I have the power.”

Zayn giggles.

“That’s a first.” Liam notes.

“What no, I’ve laughed around you before.”

“Yeah, but now you’re happy.”

He kisses Liam instead of replying. It’s true.

“Sleep?” Liam whispers just as they pull away. He nods. “Beti’s gonna have a field day, finding you here.”

Liam smiles, “She missed me too.?” He nods. “Go look, she sleeps with the mickey’s now. Louis says I should have told her they were collectables and put them on a shelf, but I wasn’t having it.”

“Louis thinks Disney in general should be put on a shelf though.” Liam answers back smiling.

Zayn chuckles and buries his head in the junction between his head and shoulders and allows himself to be carried back to bed.

“Hey Z,” Liam whispers in his year, “Promise me one thing, never ever think twice about wanting to do things ok? I know how hard all this adjusting has been for you, never feel like you’re not good enough yeah?”

All he can do is nod, slide his eyes shut and lets Liam walk them into his bed. As he lays them down, he finds fingers spiralling his waist and a thigh hooking around his.

He thinks, he just might be a little bit in love with it all.

*

By mid-morning, Aalia’s jumping on the bed finding space somehow in the middle of their spooning. She’s singing some old Justin Bieber song from the album he only just gave in and got her. He can hear Liam’s voice joining along like it’s a thing that’s always happened. It’s sunny outside. The first time in weeks. It feels like he should be opening windows and rolling up the winter rugs, but for right now, he’s just content listening to the sounds these two idiots are making.

He shifts, smiling when he sees the smile Liam’s got etched on his face as he’s watching Aalia play with his chest hair.

“Look, Baba’s smiling,” She says when they both look across at him, “He never smiles when he wakes up.” She explains, her head turning back to look at Liam.

Liam laughs, “I know.” He says, leaning forward for a kiss.

“Can you not leave again Mr Liam.” She asks when they pull apart. He sits up, wanting to see what Liam’s going to reply.

Liam mimics him, leaning up to rest his head against the headboard before answering.

“I’m not, little monkey, not this time.”

Aalia beams, her toothless smile filling the room. “Good, because I don’t like baba sad.”

“Beti!” He says, grabbing her and bringing her on top of him his face hidden behind her hair. “You aren’t supposed to tell him that.” He laughs.

“It’s okay.” Liam drawls out. “Naughty people kept me very busy.” He tells her, “but it’s not going to happen again ok?” He can feel her nod her head. He’s quietly relieved.

“Now tell your baba,” he fake whispers, “He can stop being all embarrassed.” He giggles making Aalia move her head to look at him, her eyebrows are meeting her hairline, he watches as she moves enough for her eyes to sparkle blue as the sun hits them.

“You never do that one.” She says, reaching out to grab his chin kissing him.

“I never do what?” He replies, his fingers locking around her little arm.

“Your happy laugh.” She giggles, leaning down to kiss his cheek.

“She’s right.” Liam says, moving closer to lay his own kiss over hers.

He shakes his head smiling.

He watches as she leans over him to press kisses over his face. She does the same to Liam, then jumps off the bed to run out into the kitchen, screeching about pancakes and tea.

“Beti.” Liam says. He likes the way it rolls off his tongue, even if the pronunciation is shaky and he’s not sure what the word means.

“Daughter.” He translates, leaning into him. “It’s an endearment in Urdu.”

“I love hearing you say it, never had the guts to ask before.” He replies as he slithers his tongue around Zayn’s.

“Teach me more.” He continues pressing his lips over his nose. Zayn just nods and leans in for another kiss.

How this is turning into his life, he doesn’t know.

*

They drop her off at ballet at twelve and do a round trip to go get the groceries. Liam points him to a store that shuts down for him when he wants to shop, so Zayn obliges and drives into Kensington, somewhere he seldom frequents yet Liam seems to know so well.

The sun is still shining, rare for his side of the world, a soft breeze hits his face as he parks and rounds his car to follow Liam’s lead.

It’s a small family run business that know Liam by name. He watches as he’s urged quietly in a small waiting room, the dark hair ushering him in as well, smiling at both of them before closing the door.

“Manuel, usually ushers everyone out within ten minutes. I usually can stay as long as I need.” He smiles, giving Zayn time to walk over him and grabs his hips.

“I can’t believe you’re letting into parts of yourself no one gets to see.”

Liam shrugs, smiles at him and nods,

“Well, it’s only fair to show you my world, this –” Liam mimics between them, “It’s a two-way thing you know and anyway, they’re going to have to get used to shutting the store when you’re alone.” Zayn laughs, “Oh they don’t need to do that.”

“You just wait.” Liam giggles, “It gets tiring when you can’t even walk into Tesco without someone stopping you.”

“So you come here?” It’s a hip upmarket grocery store in the middle of the one of the most expensive boroughs in the country. “Liam I can’t afford this.”

“It’s ok, I come here so often everything is halved in price, that applies to you too, just don’t make it obvious you’re new at this ok?”

Zayn shakes his head. “I love how the richest people on the planet get so much stuff handed to them.” Liam’s eyes widen, so he corrects, “Not you silly, I haven’t seen you in sponsored stuff once, and this place they love your custom too much for you to go elsewhere, obviously.”

Liam smiles, “I hate that you’re so critical of fame.”

“Best friend’s a lawyer, He’s seen all the fuckeries.” This makes Liam giggle.

“Well I hope Niall’s told you that celebrities like to sit in trollies and have fun at supermarkets.” This revelation makes Zayn’s heart skip.

“You don’t.”

“I do, usually my security is with me, but seeing I ditched in the middle of the night, it’s just you, me and the world baby.”

Zayn’s laughing, “Why do you have to be so cheesy.”

“You love it really.” He replies before leaning down to kiss him, hands reaching down to hold onto Zayn’s hips, almost to iron him down to the floor.

When they pull apart, Liam’s fingers slip into his jeans pocket as they fall onto the sofa opposite the door. His head falls onto Liam’s shoulder blade, his ear pressed to his collarbone. He takes the time to go through his phone, answer a message from Niall, but they eventually settle on Liam going through his pictures to catch up on what he’s missed. It’s mostly Aalia, sleeping, drawing, training, sometimes he draws something he’s proud of and saves it.

“Mr Payne,” They hear, when they look up, Manuel is smiling at them, gesturing it’s now ok to come out. It makes Zayn laugh; the way Liam grabs his hand. Zayn’s slips into Liam’s effortlessly, like they’ve done this a thousand times before.

“Manuel, I hope you’ve warned your staff against prudence.”

“As always, Mr Payne.” Liam smiles and heads into the store, but not before stopping in from of the ageing man, “I’d like you to meet Zayn, he’s going to be around a lot from now on.”

Manuel looks at him, almost sizing him up, but then he bows his head at him, like he’s passed some sort of test. “Well, Mr Zayn, welcome to our family.”

He’s a little uncomfortable, having people assess his rightness for Liam, but he’s aware now that for now, this is his life.

As they walk away, Liam grabs a trolley and dares him inside it. When he does give in, he’s running them into the dairy aisle at full speed, to hell with the food.

When they slow down at the far end, Liam grabs his falling hair from in from of his face and twists it back up in its place secures it with a bauble and presses a kiss to his temple before leaning down further and ghosting over his ear.

“Didn’t say boyfriend because you’re more than that, and I’m not worrying about us here because they can’t say anything. In here we’re safe yeah and as much as I can help it you’ll always be with me.”

He’s had it with Liam’s cheesiness, shakes his head at him, smiling he pulls him roughly into the cart so he could kiss him.

They are making one hell of a scene, but to hell with it.

*

As summer starts to approach, Zayn’s busy trying to prepare his lessons for his new term at Harrow. When he had gotten his second interview to teach at the prestigious school, he screamed the house down. Leading Louis to believe he’d won the EuroMillions. Of course he hadn’t, but in that moment he swears he did.

He feels a kiss being placed on his head, when he looks up, Liam tilts further so that their lips meet. He can smell the coffee in his breath and taste toothpaste in his mouth. It’s June.

Summer is steadfastly on its way and he’s still not prepared anything to entertain Aalia for the six weeks she’s off school.

He sets his laptop screen down when Liam sits down next to him. He’s done enough work for the night.

“I’ve walked Kaif, he’s fed and playing in his pen, how’s my superman doing.”

He giggles, “Don’t say that.”

Liam smiles at him. The early morning sun is hitting his face, lighting up new angles for him to draw later, fingers etching up towards his jaw, grabbing and holding Liam there, before leaning in to kiss him. “I’m done.” He whispers, “Just now, I’m completely done for the year, the contingency come later but I’m done.” He beams.

 

Liam’s eyes light up, his dark brown irises still glowing in the sun. His mouth shaped into a smile even bigger than before. Zayn looks down at his lips, shy now, then flicks up to meet Liam’s eye contact.

 

Liam resorts to more kissing. “I’m so proud of you.” He drawls out slowly, “Please no more all-nighters till we have kids.” He can tell it slipped out before Liam had time to think it over. Liam’s face panics a little, about to move back, but Zayn’s still holding his face so he tightens his grip.

 

“What did you say?” He teases, his lips forming their own smile now. Liam’s eyes flutter closed, but he’s not about to allow that. “No, look at me.” Liam does open his eyes, but only what after what seems forever.

  
“I said, no more all-nighters till we have kids.” Liam tumbles out, barely audible. “And I know you have reservations, and I know you probably don’t trust me, and I know you probably hate the fact that I’m famous but –” 

He stops Liam with a kiss to his nose, he doesn’t need Liam to justify his thoughts.

“It’s not you I don’t trust, it’s your team, babe there is a difference, and I’m over it – you being famous. It’s ok. It’s been nearly a year since we met and never once have you pushed me into doing things. Never. Do you know how important that is to me? To be able to be safe and secure without being pushed.”

Liam’s eyes flutter down again, “We’re finally at the date yeah, few more days and your life is going to change, it’s going to finally open up and you know what that’s going to be glorious to get to watch up close.” He watches as his words bring Liam back to the current space and time. “Don’t go making up stories in that brilliant head of yours ok.? He allows Liam time to nod, when he does Zayn leans in to kiss him, “Oh and Liam?” He smiles, glancing at Liam’s terrified still face, “– I’d love to have kids with you.” He adds the last part as an afterthought, but he does mean it.

 At that Liam’s looking at him with this pride, his own fingers wrapping around Zayn’s own, like he doesn’t believe what Zayn’s just said.

“Can we work though coming out first though?” He whispers, stopping the wordless conversations with their eyes. Liam nods and leans in for a kiss. Zayn indulges because he _can._

When they pull apart, he feels Liam squeeze at his fingers, "You know when you asked me why I wanted this with you so badly?" He nods his head to let Liam continue. "I couldn't say it then, but I can say it now, you've had my heart from just about the very first moment we first met." He's smiling now, like he's finally letting Zayn in on his secret.

He drops his eyes to look at their fingers, watching as his square like hand disappears between Liam's larger, harsher, _more manly_ one. But then Liam softly gripping at his chin with his thumb and index finger of his other one, tilting his head up so that their eyes meet. Slowly he inhales Liam's aftershave and grins, finally understanding the reason he's been fighting himself for so long.

_He knew the same exact thing in his heart too._

_"_ Me too." He mumbles out against Liam's lips. "I knew it too even if who you were scared me a little."

"I'm so glad you're over it darling."

Zayn smiles, "Never - but I can try." Liam chuckles and finds his lips again, and as they fall into their new routine for the day, he can tell, that the last little gap that used to stand so firmly locked in his heart, found its key and everything is falling into place.

This is what bliss looks like.

 

*

_Liam Payne come out as gay._

Is what the Daily Mail reads late afternoon that same Saturday. It’s one of the hundreds of articles that came out within the hour of Liam going public.

 

He was the audience, just as Liam wanted, far away enough to not cause suspicion but close enough to see the relief in Liam’s eyes the minute the questions were over. He’s been on internet duty ever since, even if the comments were mostly positive, he still didn’t need him to see the one comment that ruins his mood. Liam had fallen asleep wrapped around Aalia who was never one for naps, but seems to adore it with Liam. He brushes her hair out of Liam’s mouth, pulling up their light blanket before he turns his attention back to his phone.

_He’s seeing someone._

 

He reads next, and it reminds him of the, _“Yes I’ve been with someone very special to me nearly a year now, he’s the most wonderful individual I have ever met, and his daughter, makes our relationship even more spectacular.”_ That answer was still playing with his heart strings.

 

_Is Liam Payne playing Daddy?_

Is what the Sun article consists of. It’s expected from a tabloid, but even the Daily Mail didn’t sink so low. It pisses him off that they have the audacity to assume they know what’s going on when they really have no idea.

 

_Will you ever announce your relationship?_

“ _Soon.”_ Was all Liam replied to that one, tongue between his teeth, smiling from ear to ear, eyes sparkling, like he’s so happy he’s been able to finally achieve what he wanted.

 

_“What’s his name you ask HWlifers?_

 

Liam’s eyes had found his, directly looking at him before he replied, expecting some sort of answer from Zayn. He nods his head as his eyes find his shoes, and then Liam’s hushing out into the microphone, _“His name is Zayn and I fall in love with him more every single day.”_

 

And with that answer, the crowd exploded.

 

*

 

“Are you sure you want it all off?” Liam’s sat in the empty bath. Zayn’s sat just behind him with a shaver in his hands.

“All of it. New beginning with you, you know.”

“I’m gonna miss it.” He sighs as he flicks it on and the buzzing starts, filling the quiet of the room.”

“I love you.” Liam whispers as wisps of hair start coming off and sitting on his shoulder.

 _Me too._ He thinks.

And that’s that.

*

A few weeks later, when they officially _, finally_ move into Liam’s house, he calls Aalia to come in from the garden to have some dinner. They had sat on the decking, watching her run after Kaif for a good three hours, it was finally summer break, they had all the time in the world.

 

He was just enjoying watching her enjoying this new found freedom.

 

It’s what he had always wanted for her, space to enjoy childhood.

 

Now as the sun was setting, the sparse gold turning into the cerulean blue hue of the night sky. It’s close to half eight, their weekly Friday NCIS night starting in less than half an hour and he needed to get some food into her before preparing and setting her down for sleep.

 

He’s in the kitchen, still watching her fall over herself as Kaif tries and fails to fetch.

 

On his left, he can see Liam still sorting out the rest of the boxes into the corner, they didn’t come with much, but what he had, still needed to be put into their new places.

 

He watches as Liam walks over to the kennel room on the side of the kitchen. It’s a small compact room that features five crates that belong to Liam dogs. They are being moved back in by the end of the month. Liam’s sisters kept possession whilst he was on tour now that he’s back and staying, Liam wants his babies back.

He’s just happy Kaif’s finally at a stage where he’s sleeping on one of them without crying the entire night.

 

His eyes follow as Liam switches on the outside fairy lights; it lights up the outside space to a point that his garden becomes a mystical faerie enchanted forest. In all honesty one of his favourite places in the entire house.

 

Now though his gaze lowering so that it isn’t obvious he’s staring, he’s sauntering over, hands in his pockets, shirtless because it was the only thing he ever requested over to him, propping himself down on the  counter top, in all honesty, something he expected from Aalia not a grown man. It makes him laugh a little, how much of a child he still is sometimes. He guesses fame takes away that, takes away the freedom to just be.

 

Liam smiles and leans over the plates almost haphazardly, expecting a kiss. He obliges, just a small chaste one because he hears her running into the house.

 

“Do you think we can always be this happy?” Liam whispers just as she’s wasting time cleaning Kaif’s paws.

 

He smiles softly back at Liam, bites his bottom lip and mutters, “I don’t know,” He says honestly, looking up into Liam’s brilliant eyes, “But we can try.”

 

The way Liam’s eyes shine could have him waxing poetry for years, but for now, that was that.

 

*

“Babe –” Liam grumbles when it’s dark and they’re half asleep. Zayn moves his legs to find Li’s between the covers, the shadows of his face ghosting in the moon light. Zayn reaches his fingers slowly across Liam’s hip bone, his hand falling just over the curve of his bum. Zayn’s head falling happily onto Liam’s pillow.

“Hmm.” He whispers into Liam’s lips.

“You don’t think we moved too fast in the beginning do you?” 

Zayn’s perplexed a little, he feels his tongue slip between his teeth, wondering if he should dare open up about this.

He decides he’s got to, shifts and turns on the shade, light immediately hitting Liam’s worried face as he climbs on top of him, effectively straddling him.

“Why do you think that?” He whispers, leaning down over Liam’s face, just far enough so he doesn’t give in and kiss him.

“I don’t know,” Liam replies easily, grabbing onto his chin, holding him there.

“It’s just – it’s like we went way too fast and then stopped, nothing is wrong is it?”

Zayn shakes his head, his eyes flutter onto Liam’s lips before flitting back up to look at him.

“You know, I’ve never really had anyone, for years Li, years and then you happened and everything changed for the better, why are you questioning this now though?”

He gazes as Liam closes and squeezes his eyes, he takes the moment to kiss both his eyelids. Liam sighs, almost happily even if the situation really isn’t.

“You’re the first person I’ve really ever had; the first man I’ve really ever wanted. The swept me off my feet kind. That’s cheesy.” It makes Zayn smile but he nods, indicating for Liam to continue. “It’s so hard to divide the people that want you for you and those that want you for your notoriety. I’ve had foster parents knocking on my door asking for money, I’ve had my supposed birth father turn up announcing my birth mother is dead an –” He stops him there, swiftly leaning in for a kiss.

“Um, foster parents, birth parents?” Zayn says sitting up. Liam accommodates, shifting so that he’s now fully sitting up as well, hands ebbing around Zayn’s hips as he moves his back to rest on the headboard. Zayn in turn settles on Liam’s thighs, his own hands finds the base of Liam’s neck.

“Um yeah, I was in care from when I was born to when I was twelve, my mum and dad now fostered me for a year then adopted me. I love them to pieces but I’m not part of them. The ones I’m actually part of aren’t exactly in the running for parents of the decade. Drink and drugs kinda thing. Karen and Geoff are amazing but they adopted because they wanted a boy because Geoff had a vasectomy so they couldn’t after my sisters. It’s hard for find where you belong, when everything around you is pretty much staged.” Liam moves his fingers up Zayn’s chest, settling just under his arm pits. He continues, “When people come out of the woodwork, my team shuts them down. My fans assume they are my parents and I don’t really challenge it, but it hurts yeah sometimes.” Zayn grabs Liam’s chin and tilts up. He has his eyes closed and his eyebrows scrunched up. He can see his beauty mark littered cheekbones because he’s up so close. His thumb, caresses slowly over his lips, he now understands Liam’s questions.

“Li, look at me.” He pleads slowly, watching as Liam opens his eyes. They are teary and sad, and he promises himself he never wants to see Liam like that again.  

“Is this why you’re what you are with Lia?” Liam nods, his lips forming a smile at the mention of her name.

“I have the means, but mostly she’s loved me so innocently so unequivocally. I want that – and you for the rest of my life.”

Zayn sighs, “You talk like this is it for you, like you’re done looking, but what happens when we _do_ hook up and you want to experiment out of the confines of all this commitment.”                

The hurt in Liam’s eyes speak volumes, but he needed this out. Liam in turn grabs hold of his jaw, making his eyes flutter shut, awaiting an argument.

“Zayn, all I’ve ever wanted was to feel loved. That’s all. I don’t need mistresses falling at my door or lads trying to fuck in an alley. This is what’s pure, what’s real. Why would I want to change that?” His tone is stern this time, like he’s telling him plainly answering.

Zayn bends forward, so that their lips are touching, “I’m just scared I’m going to lose you.” He whispers.

Liam’s face relaxes at that; he smiles to Zayn’s surprise. “I think we’ve already established that’s not going to happen.” He replies, tilting just enough so that their lips finally meet.

His consolation prize is the heat coming from Liam’s mouth as their tongues make contact. The vastness of his world shrinks down to focus on just one thing. Liam.

His hands, find their place around Liam’s chest as Liam flips them over. His head is hitting the pillow with a soft thud as Liam’s lips meet his neck, he kisses over Zayn’s Adam apple, running his tongue slowly down into the valley of his collarbones.

Zayn lets out a small groan. They’ve never really got this far before. Never having the time to explore. In a way it suited both of them just fine, building a solid structure for them to stand on, he knew now was important for both of them.

Liam finds his hem of his night shirt and in one movement, he’s got it up over his head, both of Zayn’s arms and hands entrapped in it. Liam’s laughing around words he isn’t saying as he’s leaning further down, kissing at his nipples, holding him up by the elbows, against the headboard with one arm, whilst his other one goes in search for some leverage.

He’s breathing heavy, and his brain is fogging up, he’s not felt like this in years, he hasn’t made love in years, actually no, he’s never really made love and never to a man either.

While Liam’s moving further down his body, he slightly aware of what might happen next, of what he might be giving away, he’s more excited than scared, after all he’s not a love-struck teenager anymore.

But then Liam’s looking up at him, mischief in his eyes. He’s biting down on his button lip, he’s letting go of Zayn’s elbows, allowing him to get rid of the shirt.

Liam swiftly moves his hands to find Zayn’s waistband. He moans, he’s tenting in his sweatpants, it makes his toes curl and hands sweat, he’s making noises he’s never knew existed, profanities slipping out off his tongue as Liam pulls down his sweatpants and boxers simultaneously, he gasps at the new found coldness.

He hears Liam chuckle _of course you’re fucking clean_ , before heat surrounds his dick. It’s wet but it’s throaty, it wasn’t juvenile in manner, like Liam’s done this before. He’s licking him down to his root, taking the time to dip down and suck at his balls, one by one like Liam’s enjoying the new found actions. He feels Liam’s mouth kissing up his inner thighs before creeping slowly back up to his dick.

Zayn’s fingers fall into Liam’s buzzed head, brushing his thumbs over his temples before pushing himself into his face slightly. Liam takes the hint, relaxes his throat, takes him further in.  It’s only when Liam’s nose hits the sensitive skin under his belly button, does it occur to him Liam’s taken his full length.

He keens, opens his legs wider to accommodate. Liam’s hands grab up at his wrists, looking up at him again. He’s to haggard to talk, instead he takes the initiative and fucks himself into Liam’s mouth. Liam moans at the new sensation, slowly Zayn ups his pace, tightening the hold he has on Liam’s head, soon after he’s spilling down into Liam’s throat. When Liam comes up for air, he’s smiling so big Zayn pulls him up to kiss him, slow enough for both of them to catch their breaths.

Zayn giggles when he feels the wet patch on his heated skin, a little relieved that Liam found his own high.

“Came untouched.” Liam whispers, voice like gravel, sleepy but satisfied.   

He hums in response, presses a kiss to Liam’s cheek. They don’t speak, he takes to counting the beats Liam’s heart is making before the pace goes back to normal. He listens to him breathing before forcing himself up to get a wash cloth from the ensuite.

Liam moans something inaudible just as he makes it back to bed. Zayn giggles when Liam lays out flat suggesting to Zayn he’s gotta clean him off himself. He’s giddy when he takes off Liam’s pants, pushing them down past his knees discarding them on the floor. He notices for the first that that unlike him, Liam was neither cut, darker or shaved clean. His mind wonders when it was his turn to taste him.

When he’s finished, he places the cloth on the bedside table and turns out the lamp.

“No,” he whispers into the darkness, more to himself than to Liam, who he can hear is fast asleep wrapped up next to him. “We’ve never moved too fast jaan.”

He lets himself find the constant beat of Liam’s heartbeat again, the rhyme allowing him to fall into a dreamless sleep.

Only waking up when he hears Aalia’s scream.

*

By the time they rush down to the ER, Aalia’s screaming hasn’t subsided. He can hear his blood pump in his ears as he runs into hospital. Liam drops them off to go park whilst he helplessly allows her to be taken away from him for them to be able to see what’s wrong. He can here hurried whispers _of a suspected rupture of the appendicitis,_ because Aalia’s holding onto her bellybutton for dear life as she’s carted around in the hospital bed. He follows, the bright lights and stark environment irritate his sleepy eyes. They stop him when they rush her into the automatic doors, he’s being directed to a waiting area instead. The nurse brings him a plastic white cup, filled with water and a sheet on a clipboard he needs to fill out.

He hates this, this feeling of failure that’s building in his own tummy as he has to sit and wait, quickly filling out his details and hers. It’s half three in the morning, the emergency waiting room is awfully quiet for a Friday night, meaning he cannot escape the sound of the old fashioned ceiling fan turning loudly and the ticking noise of the never stopping clock. He sits in uncomfortable blue chairs, gripping at the sides because he doesn’t know what else do to. Instead, he fusses over his phone, sending simultaneous texts to Louis and Niall.

It’s when he feels Liam’s hand on his hair, then falling onto his shoulder. When he tilts up, Liam presses a kiss to his forehead. He breathes in slowly, taking in the sight of Liam rounding the row of seats to take a sit next to him, immediately takes the hand he’s not using and presses another kiss to his cheek.

“What’s happening?” He hushes out slowly, taking the clipboard from him and filling out his address, he’s still not had the time to memorise it yet.

He shakes his head, “I don’t know. They’ve rushed her off for a CT scan. Appendix.”

Liam squeezes his hand tighter, leans in and this time, plants a kiss on his mouth. “She’ll be ok, you listening?” He tries to nods, but can’t really, his entire life is lying on a hospital bed hanging onto dear life and he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do with himself.

Liam sees it in him, the dread, the discomfort. The utter pain he’s going through not realising that her lack of appetite the last couple of days was due to something being wrong but just Aalia’s usual fussy antics.

He pulls Zayn onto the floor and into his chest, allowing him to settle his arms around Liam’s’ waist as he tries, but fails to fall asleep again instead of thinking himself to death.

He doesn’t know when he awakens, but they’re still waiting for some sort of clarification about what’s happened to Aalia. He can see that early morning sun rise from the window to his left, it’s with this slow movement that brings Liam’s mouth to press at his ear lobe.

“There is a sign that points you to the multi faith room. Go, if anything happens, I’ll come find you.”

It warms his heart, the fact that Liam knows and appreciates his dedication to Allah. With the crazy political climate and recent events that shroud the purity of his religion, he’s grateful that Liam’s ready to accept it, and him – without the need to try and alter anything.

When he returns half an hour later, Liam’s got two sets of coffee in his hands, and a smile on his face. He breathes a sigh of relief.

“How is she?”

Liam hands him his coffee as he sits down again, “After her scan she was put in an induced coma and given antibiotics. In the last hour they’ve taken her appendix out and she’s currently being helped through coming out of the anaesthetic.” He inhales sharply when Liam says she’s okay. “She’s fine Zayn, absolutely fine.”

With that he falls into the small space between them, his eyes lacing up with tears, because no this shouldn’t have had to happen to his little girl.

“Don’t cry.” Liam whispers, “We’ll get through this.”

“I love you.” It falls out of his mouth unwittingly, it’s teary the first time, soft, almost inaudible, but he knows Liam’s heard it because he stiffens up a little. He repeats it to let Liam know that no it wasn’t a mistake _.  “I love you.”_ He emphasis leaning his head up towards Liam, angling his lips to Liam’s chin, pressing a kiss there.

In turn, Liam tilts downwards just enough to press his own kiss to Zayn’s nose. He mimics his own I love you, and kisses at his lips. Slowly, this time, the heat from earlier that night, gone.

They stay like that for a few minutes, before Louis breaks their bubble with the sound of a phone camera going off.

He wants to be mad, but he really can’t, because Liam’s turning around to make grabby hands at the phone, smiling widely when he gets it. He’s tapping for a few seconds before he’s turning the phone back to Zayn.

_Our night fell from heaven to hell in a few seconds, but we just got news she’s good to go #getwellAalia xx_

He nods his head and takes Louis’ phone so he can post it himself. He’s about to allow his face to be beamed out to nearly twenty million followers, but it’s ok, it was being done at the right moment. When he posts the picture, Liam tells him to sign out because the phone will actually force shut down if he didn’t. Once it’s safely back in Louis’ pocket, he sees the doctor come back to the waiting room.

“Father of Aalia Malik?” Zayn stands up, hands his coffee over to Louis, and steps forward, Liam just step behind him.

“As we explained to Mr Payne before, she’s now in a stable condition. How her appendix ruptured so unexpectedly is still a mystery, but she’s awake and asking for you. We might have to keep her a couple of weeks, so we’re moving her to the children’s recovery unit upstairs this afternoon. Her infection is still present, and she will be in some pain till the antibiotics start to come into effect. Please don’t stress too much, she’s in very good hands here.”

“Thank you.” He says, grabbing Liam’s hand.

“Come this way, follow me if you please.”

*

“Hi Monkey,” It was something small, but as the months had rolled by, he’d picked up on Liam’s immediate endearment for Aalia.

She makes grabby hands towards him. The constant beeping sound of her heart monitor is irritating him, her iv drip at her elbow bend processing protein she can’t eat at the moment. He presses a kiss to her forehead, leaning down to whisper, _I’m so proud of you Beti, love you_. She smiles and kisses his cheek, while moving her legs so that there is space for him to sit up next to her.

Liam reaches forward to press his own kiss on her face then sits down on her other side. Aalia decides it’s a good idea to grab both her hands and lock them together. He watches as he lips split into a smile, giggling slowly – like she knows of a joke and she’s not sharing.

“Are you okay?” He asks her, allowing her to rest her head on his chest. “Uh huh baba.” It’s slow, tedious, almost a laborious process to think, breathe and speak all at once, but it doesn’t stop her from trying.

“Can you do my hair?” It’s puffed out, her request for him to braid.

At the moment Zayn’s just happy she’s alive.

So he nods, takes the bauble out of his own mane and takes out the one in her bun. He usually braids her hair into two Dutch braids before bed, and since she’s going to be in bed for a while, it seems only logical.

Liam smiles at them, and moves away, allowing her room to swivel slowly. It gives Zayn more access without fighting his muscles too hard.

“I’m sorry I scared you baba.” She’s stumbling out. He shushes her, presses a kiss to her ear, “Never say that Beti, never. I’m ok that you’re ok.”

He finishes one side, when Louis finally enters the room. He’s got Niall with him, and a huge bouquet of flowers as well as her Mickey dolls he stopped to get her from home. Her eyes light up when she sees them. Allows them to fuss over her a little before settling down next to Liam, who was too busy fiddling with his phone.

Later, when Niall and Louis pack it in for the night, he’s left alone with Liam to watch over her while she sleeps. The hospital graciously giving them the privacy they needed to constantly stay with her. 

“I want to show you something.” Liam says moving closer to him on the bed they were given. “I posted this when you were doing her hair. They love it.” He smiles, “Is this what you were doing on your phone before?” Liam smiles and shuffles himself even closer. “Maybe?” The cheeky grin Liam has plastered on however suggests otherwise.

“They love you too.” Liam says clicking on his mentions.

_OhMYGOD that little girl is so cute I want to scream_

_Ofc Liam was with someone just as cute as he is_

_We’ve got two teddy bears to love now you guys_

_Can you believe Liam gets to fuck that guy, that guy!! Look at them_

_Awh you guys why do you have to be so cute_

_I’m so proud of Liam finally finding his voice, @ fakeliampayne, so much love is coming your way #getwellAalia xx_

It keeps going, on and on like a never ending tide of love finally reaching their shores. He decides to post a picture of her asleep. Tagging it a simply, #safeandsound x

And even if he has to sleep to the beat of the heart monitor, he knows that’s she’s alive and well.

*

When July falls into August and Aalia is out of hospital, they decide to take a trip to celebrate her birthday and Liam’s at the end of the month. It was laughable bickering about who’s going to pay what, but he’s starting to realise, long term relationships only exist because compromise exists.

“Zayn quit pouting.” Liam’s saying, “You being bratty won’t change the fact we need to take the jet out.” He reaches out across the bed to tickle hm. It’s late afternoon. He had arranged for summer school for Aalia to keep her occupied, and since school is out for the summer and his lesson plans are ready, he’s pretty much for the first time in his life, has nothing to do.

He smiles, the juts out his bottom lip again. He’s enjoying this new found freedom with Liam. The freedom to just be.

It’s opening him up to a lot more physical contact – a side of himself he’d practically shut off as Hasina left him.

Liam though, is laughing – not caring that Zayn’s got real issues about the sort of lifestyle he’s offering him, so he decides to do something about it.

In one nimble move, he’s on top of Liam, straddling his thighs. Hands running up to Liam’s shoulders, forcing him to stay down. When he’s satisfied that Liam isn’t going to move, he leans down to whisper in his ear.

He listens as Liam’s breath quickens, holding his breath, like he’s afraid of what’s coming.

He smirks.

“You know; you talk about a god damn private jet like you own the thing.” Liam laughs, “Well I do.” Zayn shuts him up with a finger over his mouth. Liam smiles even wider.

“I know just the way to resolve this.” He’s giggling out. He’s tilting his head to look Liam in the eye. He can tell, just by looking Liam’s turned on.

“Let’s play a game.” He pauses, Liam’s breath hitches again.

“Rules.” Liam whispers out this time, jugging out to bite at Zayn’s lower lip. Zayn smiles, and pulls back, he’s gotta say he does like the control. He sits up, right on Liam’s dick this time, he can feel him though his jeans. At the moment, he can’t allow to think about the pre – come that he knows is soaking through his underwear. He should know, he’s having the same little issue.

“Three things, arse play and hand jobs, no tongues, and whomever comes untouched gets to pick both the destination and the modes of travel.” He sees Liam’s eyes widen. “Deal.”

Liam doesn’t talk, nods his head and finally breathes out.

“We have the house to ourselves till six tonight, because Louis is bringing her home after school. We can attack at any time, whilst doing the chores for today. We settle this tonight.”

“So can we make love tonight.” Liam pipes up, his breathing still trying to find it’s pattern again.

See stuff like this is what makes Zayn forget his name, bringing him out of his lucid turned on state and straight back to why he’s falling in love with Liam so easily.

“You just said making love.”

Liam hums, obviously happy with himself. “It’s what it’s gonna be isn’t it?”

Zayn rolls off him and nods. “I actually need to speak to you about that.”

“What’s wrong?” Liam asks grabbing at his chin, tilting his head just enough to see his face.

“Nothing is wrong; I’ve just never done that before.”

“Wait what?” Liam asks, moving closer to him, tugging a strand back behind his ear, allowing his thumb to sit on Zayn’s cheekbone. “But Aalia.” He bats his eyes closed, before flitting them open to look up. “I meant with men.”

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“No,” Liam whispers slightly slapping his face, “Thank you for telling me now. We’ll just work up to it.” Zayn shakes his head. “No Liam, we’ve waited quite enough.”

“Ok, have it your way.” Liam says pressing a kiss to his hair, “I’ll bottom first though, just to give you a sense of it all.” He’s biting down on his bottom lip, he’s not sure where Liam’s come from if he’s honest.

“And by the way, in case you’re wondering, I’ve only ever been with two others.”

That catches his attention. “No, that’s not possible.”

Liam laughs, “It is love, it’s you that’s the surprise.” That makes Zayn shake his head.

“Um, I’ve only been with Hasina, um, that’s Aalia’s mother. I’ve sucked a couple of dicks here and there but really that’s about it.”

Liam staggers forward again, this time letting go of his chin and pressing their foreheads together, his eyes dropping down, Liam breaths in heavily, like he’s contemplating something inside of his head before,

“Tell, me more about Aalia’s mum? The other stuff doesn’t really matter.” He mutters, reaching out to twine their fingers as they rest on the mattress beneath them.

“Really?”

“Yes, really.” Liam replies, pressing a kiss to his nose.

Incentive.

“Um, there isn’t really much to tell I’m afraid. She was my first girl. I was a naïve sixteen-year-old boy that didn’t know anything about contraception. She was on the pill for years until her parents found out. They threw her out when she got pregnant. We ended up having to rent out a tiny apartment up in Bradford, because my parent’s didn’t approve either because she’s Sikh not Muslim. It’s what fucked up my schooling, hence going to uni late. She left anyway though, immediately signed over her rights to her three weeks in. Went back to her parents who put her on a plane to Pakistan that very same week. We knew each other just about our entire lives, but our grandparents never saw eye to eye because of the different religious backgrounds even if they came from the same country.” He grumbles low in his throat, still bitter,

“A year ago, an old friend from home found me on Facebook and told me she’s back, with a husband and three kids in tow. The sad thing is, I didn’t feel anything, not really. We saw her last, last summer because I take Aalia up to Bradford for Eid every year, the celebrations are big, and the street parties light up entire streets. She was live modelling clothes – um that’s where they make them sit in windows for hours, moving every few minutes to highlight different angles of their dresses and serwani’s.” He explains when he sees Liam’s eyes widen with confusion. “She saw us, well me because she didn’t know what Lia looked like and turned her head away. That for me, put the nail in the coffin really.”

Liam grabs the base of his skull and pulls him into his chest. The juvenile atmosphere gone now, but at least he’s got a very important conversation out of it.

“I’m sorry.”

He sighs, “Liam, there is nothing to be sorry for. Although, I half expect her to contact me now I’m with you.”

“Why? if she even tries for custody all you have to do is tell the court she left you with a three-week old baby, broke and alone. No judge in their right mind would hand over rights.” He nods, “I know, I guess the whole idea of her just turning up scares me.”

“If she does, I promise you I’ll be right there next to you, now and always.”

That makes him tilt his head and kiss Liam’s neck. “I love you.” He whispers.

“Me too.”  Liam says after a while, “but Zayn? Don’t think I’ve forgotten about this bet of ours.” Liam winks.

He giggles at that; finally, happy he’s gotten some things off his chest.

“Oh it’s on Payne.” He says, scurrying off the bed and out into the landing, running past both the library and the sauna, ending up on the balcony overlooking the pool at the back of the house.

He feels Liam come up behind him, a little out of breath and but all too happy. They stand there watching the mid-morning sun hiding herself behind the clouds.

Liam presses a kiss to his bare shoulder, whilst his fingers run across his tummy.

He’s never been this happy.

A part of him wishes his Ammi was here to see it.

*

He catches Liam doing folding laundry in the scullery. Pushes him up onto the washing machine before taking his pants off. They’re giggling like idiots whilst he’s trying to kiss up at Liam’s collarbone. When he gets his hand wrapped around Liam, he watches as his expression changing, knuckles turning white around Zayn’s shoulders from the pressure, his neck turning red, he’s whinging and whining, but holds himself off.

Liam struggles. He’s clawing up his back for the hell of it, nearly choking over his words when Zayn slowly pushes his index finger in Liam’s tiny pink hole, changes his pace and allows Liam to catch his breath a little.

He’s finding he’s got a fling with edging.

When he takes Liam in his mouth, he’s teasing at the head, stroking Liam’s balls with one hand and pushing two fingers opening him up further. It’s obscene the way he finds the need to take Liam’s length into his mouth. He’s been working up to this, he knows it and Liam knows it, and now as he watches Liam struggle with himself he’s learning he can enjoy these moments caught between flight and fight. He usually takes the flight.

Today he’s choosing the fight.

With a silent cry and a stutter in warning, he feels hot liquid run down his throat, he swallows.

He’s still far too dazed to move, which allows Liam to pull him off his knees to kiss him. Dragging him onto the washing machine as it begins to spin. They wobble, nearly falling off. But Liam places his arms around him whilst he falls in the v of his open legs. It means they soon get lost in each other again and before he realises, Liam starts licking his fingers clean.

“You broke the rules.” Liam whispers playfully biting his ear lobe.

“I know.” Zayn giggles back. “Couldn’t help myself.”

“You’ll pay for that.” Liam pauses, “didn’t know you’d be so good.”

Zayn smiles, neither did he.

“I already win at the find the most awkward place to fuck award though.” He laughs and considers going in for another kiss, but instead placates to gnaw at Liam’s neck.

When they do eventually stand it’s to answer the ringing of the doorbell. Liam hurriedly pulling his pants up as the run to the front door, hands entangled. Their hair is a mess and they both look thoroughly fucked out, but that can’t exactly be changed in seconds.

They haven’t been expecting anyone, but since they had got though security it must be someone they’ve approved of.

In any case, it wasn’t good news – their plans had to wash down the drain.

For now, anyways.

*

“Mr Malik, um, Zayn, we need you to do a periscope sometime today.” It’s Mrs Bradshaw. She and an entourage of people where behind their door when Liam opened it. They moved freely around the house like they had done this a hundred times before.

They had left them in favour of the kitchen to make a cup of tea and some lunch, but soon after they’re being called back into the living room. This time there is a MacBook set up on the coffee table, a pack of papers and a couple of pens and a chair just behind it. Liam doesn’t move to sit down as instructed. Keeps his shoulders firmly pressed to the archway, whilst holding onto Zayn’s waist, keeping him there too.

He shivers. This isn’t good.

He could hear Liam bickering loudly in his ear with her, which is what brings him back to the current situation.

“What do you mean I need to do a periscope, what the hell is a periscope?” He watches Liam shake his head.

“He doesn’t need this.”

“He does if you want to get your story out there.”

“There is no story to put other there.”

“The kid’s story.” Someone from the background shouts out. “It will look good on your image.” He feels Liam stiffen, before he’s practically shouting. “Neither him or his little girl are part of my image. I’m not playing chess again and _Aalia_.” He drawls out angrily, “If you’re going to be here dictating things, learn her name. She’s not a toy you can play about with.”

“But Liam, we need to think about your projection, this looks it looks like you’ve ditched everything to be with him.” He replies, completely ignoring what Liam just said.

“I don’t give a toss; I have because this is the life I want.” Liam affirms, “You’re not making him do a live feed, especially not in this house.” He’s never heard Liam’s voice so stern.

“With all the respect, you’re not liberty to decline this request.”

“Oh, I know, but he is.”

He decides to interrupt there, because he doesn’t quite like the idea of being spoken about like he wasn’t present.

“Hi, yes, hello, I’m still here. I’d just like to say, I don’t know what exactly this situation is or why it’s so important to put my little girl’s illness out there, but I don’t believe in putting your private life out in public. Not in that way, not in that manner. You want a live video chat with his fans, I’ll comply, but it’s not happening in here, move it outside to an undisclosed location where what’s private remains private.”

He turns to Liam, slipping his hand in the back pocket of his sweatpants before continuing. “I know you don’t like it, but I’m just as responsible for putting myself and Aalia in your life. We’d be daft to think they aren’t going to follow normal procedure.”

This makes Liam sigh. Grabs his waist tighter and pulls them back into the kitchen. Pushing him up against the marble counter, making Zayn’s legs go round him and press at Liam’s back.

Liam kisses him

And Zayn laughs.

“You can’t buy me off with kisses.” Liam chuckles. “I know, but I can try.”

“We need to let them do this. It’s once yeah? I don’t like it more than you do, but they seem to not want to let up on this one.” Then he sighs, “And from what it looks like Li, the nda has been drawn up.”

“I saw; you don’t deserve this.”

“I want this, because I want you. If I didn’t think we’d go the distance, I’d be running not signing off a devil’s deal.”

“You really think we’d be fine.” Liam’s eyes slide closed, his head falling onto Zayn’s shoulder.

He takes the time to kiss his ear and whisper. “Meri – jaan, I didn’t want to believe that I’d fall in love with a fumbling idiot that somehow manages to fool his entire fan base into thinking he’s a posh celebrity. You’re so much more than what your image states you are. And from what I know now, what they are forcing you to sell. You’re loud but you’re quiet. You’re the light in my dark. I love your voice when you sing in the shower, and when you read the comics to Lia before we put her to bed. You fell into my life and it’s making sense without much thought to it all at. Now that’s something worth fighting for.”

He’s got Liam’s cheek pressing to the side of his palm as he presses soft kisses down into Liam’s hair. His eyes are still closed when they come in to call them again.

This time though, neither of them cause havoc. He calls Niall to come over and read through the pack of papers and he settles down on the sofa until most of the people have cleared out. He’s being introduced to a makeup artist and a stylist. The latter encouraging him to pick something out of the collection they brought.

He doesn’t.

Zayn Malik was brought up to understand that he’s not like them, any of them. These people with their fancy lives and fancy clothes, with their perfect looking lives and loving support networks. He gazes as one woman is too busy trying to concurrently try to juggle a handful of files whilst carrying three Louis Vuitton bags, with a phone pressed to her ear no less barking out orders for the poor soul on the other side.

This life, managing celebrity images has its perks. That to live a life many would only dream of.

It’s why he likes the way Liam lives so much. Yes, there is the fancy power house of status and a Lamborghini they’ve taken to joyride, sat outside, but he’s learning that Liam donates half his new income a year to several charities as well as taking the time to help regenerate his own community.

And on top of all this, it would be out of place to not see him lounging about in the same Primark sweatpants he buys.

He’s realising, life is all about choices. The good and the bad. They all lead somewhere. Liam’s teaching Zayn how to accept circumstance and how to readily move on from events in the past that have no semblance in his life today. Zayn and Liam are finding the spaces in between, the pillow creases on cheeks, the freckles down backs, the black coffee two sugars. The Friday night NCIS marathons.

The shadows of their lives that are easily forgotten.

He considers himself lucky in a sense, not that he’s found Liam, because he’s quite sure now he was always going to find him. He’s lucky because he found another soul that understands him. A being that understands his flaws as they work together in trying to figure the other out.

It was never going to be easy, but they’re learning to make this work. He’s learning that compromise only has lead them to finding greatness in the tiny things.

When his eyes gaze away from the woman, he finds Liam eyes staring at him. They smile at each other, before Liam slowly comes to sit by his side. He can hear the kettle boiling and the people whooshing in and out of the garden. He can hear Niall’s booming voice, reading out the contract with a spirit about him that makes Zayn love him more.

But now, he can smell Liam’s deodorant and the tangy smell of his shampoo. He’s only just realised that he’d slide off to shower, too busy with his musings to even take notice.

“I want to tell them about us. About how we met and about where we’re going. Zayn, I want to tell them everything.” He can hear the white noise in the background and the running of water coming from the downstairs loo.

And he should feel sad, that their life, their house and their entire state of living has been altered within the hour. But instead, all he can feel is light. The sunlight is streaming through the thick set heavy cream curtains. Liam’s dogs, Loki and Brit having arrived back home a day ago, as well as his Kaif are sitting on the floor baiting in its glory. Just like them, they got on from the minute they let them loose.

He grabs Liam’s fingers, runs his own over his ring finger and run them up to rest of Liam’s heart.

“We can get through this.” He finally speaks. “Together Liam, we’ll conquer the world.”

Liam doesn’t say anything; they just listen to the buzzing of the summer bees coming from outside. The sounds of the birds fill his ears and his heart with this wistful hope he’s never had before.

This is the turning point. The pivot that will change the course of both their futures. He just hopes giving up some of his privacy is worth it.

*

Later when they’ve dressed him up (in one of Liam’s plaid shirts because he wouldn’t have anything else) and fixed his hair twenty times in fifteen minutes, they sit them down on the decking and ask Liam to tweet the link.

It’s when all hell breaks loose.

*

They wait for a couple of minutes, watching the reaction. It’s people screaming and talking in capitals. It feels odd, that one simple thing can cause mass hysteria. That this Liam, _his Liam_ , this man with so much light and love. This man that sits with his little girl for hours, the same man that has only change his life for the better fills people with so much joy – spread around across the globe.

It’s incredible.

“Can you guys hear us?” Liam’s questioning the screen. “Like that yeah? Is that ok? Can you see us?” He’s gesturing the camera, giving it a small wave.

“Wow, I haven’t done one of these in so long.” Liam chuckles. He moves closer towards the screen. “Liam, I’ve never done one.” He laughs, “So give us a break.”

Liam pats his thigh and laughs, moving closer so that their knees are now constantly touching. He watches Liam read the comments. “They can’t see you, come closer.” He directs, bring his arm around Zayn’s shoulders, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“Six point five thousand in one minute. You guys oh my god.” His tone of voice elevates, he practically shrieks.

Zayn laughs.

“What so funny?” Liam says. “You, being an idiot like always.”

“It’s a good thing I love you.” Zayn rolls his eyes. “Yeah yeah, me too.”

He turns his head back to the screen and he himself starts reading off some of the comments.

“Do you guys live together?”

“Yeah we do, last couple of weeks.”

Are you going to reply whilst I read stuff out?” Liam nods his head, “We can do that.” Zayn decides to lay flat on the floor, Liam mimics. He pulls one of the cushions off the sofa, it was large enough for both of them to share. Presses a kiss to Liam’s shoulder before he turns his head back to the screen.

“What time is it in the UK now?”

“It’s just gone six.”

“Aalia comes home in an hour.” Liam reminds him. “Louis’ staying for dinner as well.”

“Can we try to get her to sleep by half seven? Even with Louis here?”

“We can try.” Liam chuckles. “Knowing Louis he’ll take her to Burger King before they come back though, meaning it’s only bath time we’ve got to do.”

“Oops.” He giggles, “Didn’t mean to go domestic.”

There is a flurries of its ok, you’re so cute and domestic on the screen already. He likes that the world has moved on enough to not make such a big deal of a same sex relationship.

“What do you do?”

“I teach English. I write and draw as well though.”

“He kinda can do anything.” Liam chuckles.

“How old is Aalia?

“Five and a half.”

“Wait,” He tilts his head back to Liam again. “I never told you that.”

“No she did, same difference.”

Where did you guys meet?”

This makes Liam smile. “Disney.”

He jumps in, “Lia kinda ran straight into Liam’s legs. She got a concussion. He felt so bad he gave us his room.”

Immediately there is and AWHHH coming up on his screen before a quieter, “is Aalia ok now?”

“She’s okay.” Liam answers, grabbing his hand. There is a bee nearby and Kaif is licking at his mouth before stretching himself out next to them. “She had appendicitis. Gave us a right scare when she started screaming her lungs out, but she’s ok now.”

“It’s hard when you’ve been there for here her entire life.” He starts, Liam letting him, “And not be able to do anything when she needs you the most. I’m not that old, just a little bit older than Liam. I panicked, you know. However, with Liam over here you can safely bet he’s going to move castles in the clouds to make sure you feel safe and happy. So I owe him so much just for that.”

This time it’s Liam that awhs. “I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah.” He replies turning to him. “You know when you sent me to the prayer room?” Liam dips his head, “I knew right then I loved you.”

He barely finishes the sentence before Liam’s kissing him. It’s chaste, aware of their current situation, but God damn, he needed it so much right now.

When they pull apart. “You see you guys, before Liam, and all this,” He says twirling his hands round, “All had was Aalia and two glorious men I get to call my best friends. I had been in uni for nearly six years, working two jobs and just trying to survive.”

“They’ve only moved in on my persistence, because I hated being alone and were they lived before was a rip off for the price each month.”

“When we first moved in, I didn’t like it. It’s because I come from an estate in Bradford where we didn’t really have anything at all. For me, this type of ostentatious living is still something I need to get accustomed too.”

“Does saying that make me sound like an idiot?”

“What Z?

“What I said?”

“No love not at all.” Liam says pecking his lips.

“How long have you proper been together?” He reads out when he turns his face to the screen again.

“Wellll,” Liam drawls out, “It was kinda instant, I spent Christmas with him but I had to disappear for a bit.”

“October is the when met so that’s our anniversary but really we fixed our shit in March? so five months?” He turns his head again to smile at Liam who’s got his own plastered on his face.

“Why does it feel longer than that, like five years not five months.” He struggles to not laugh.

“You’re doing it again.”

“You’re been cheesy.”

“I think we’ve established that’s my speciality.”

 “Are you Muslim?” comes next.

“Yes.” Liam says instantly. “Well not me.” He laughs. “Zayn and Aalia are, and if I’m honest, it’s beautiful, watching you love your faith so much.”

Zayn can feel his cheeks redden as he shies away from the camera.

“No honestly you guys.” Liam laughs, pulling him back closer. “He wakes up just before the sunrise to just pray. Salat, as it’s called and then does it again for another four times. It’s like meditation.”

He swears he’s never been this happy.

The questions and answers continue, flitting back to conversations and moments.

_Remember when you showed Aalia her new room?_

_Remember how she nearly cried?_

_Leeyummm, remember when you came round for my early birthday party and ended up staying the entire week without switching on your phone once._

_I remember when I first had to leave you for work. I couldn’t understand why I was so upset that I couldn’t be with you all the time. It sucked not being around you babe._

Later, when they’re tired out and they’re about to go, he reads one last question.

“Do you think we’ll ever get married.?”

Liam’s staring at him, eyes wide like he didn’t expect that sort of thing to come up. However, then they light up, fear washed over with joy when he guesses he sees Zayn’s own tense face.

He moves closer, ghosts his lips over Zayn’s, gazes met, noses touching, he breathes out a silent yes.

Then he says it out loud again for the microphone to pick up.

“Yes!!” He’s repeating, “One day feels like one year and these few months have been the happiest of my life. If it were for wanting to not rush into anything, I’d marry him tomorrow.”

 

With those words he jumps at Liam. Tickles him at his pressure points just for the hell of it, enjoying the last of the now evening sun. He presses several kisses to his neck before he’s helping him back up.

 

“You guys, we need to go now.” He laughs out, his breathe still not back to its normal pace. “We just wanted to let you into a piece of our lives now. I’m sorry if all we did was kiss each other silly though.”

  
“Don’t – we’re just doing us.”

 

“I know, but some people might not like it.”

 

Liam kisses him to shut him up, before turning to wave goodbye.

 

When the camera light turns red and they’re finally able to lower the screen. He sighs happily as he’s being pulled back onto Liam’s chest.

 

“Would you really marry me tomorrow?”

 

“In a heartbeat.”

The rest of the night is a bit of a blur, barely registers the phone call they get from management saying what a brilliant job they did of it all. He’s a little repulsed that to them, it’s still a chess game and now he and Aalia as well as Liam’s entire fandom are pawns in a game they were never given the rules too.

As the settle into bed that night, he ponders if he should call his mother. He’s sure she’s not up do that with his current antics but he longs for her voice, for her soft touches and sweet smiles, in some ways, Liam’s touches remind him so much of hers.

_Mujhe aap se mohabbat hai Ammi. - I love you_

He speaks to the dark.

_Mujhe tumhari yaad aati hai. – I miss you._

_*_

In the morning Liam wakes his up with his mouth around his dick. His sleep dazed brain still didn’t register what was going on. He only properly wakes up when he feels wet fingers pushing into his hole. He laughs when Liam licks his way up to his belly button before going back down to encase him with heat again. The moistness of Liam’s mouth is making him see white, before he’s blacking out from the pressure.

He’s soon coming down Liam’s throat, Liam babbling, struggling to take it all. He watches silently as Liam wipes the rest off onto the sheets. Fingers damping out the white cotton as he throws off the light summer duvet.

When he catches his breath with his head still pounding but he’s sure he’s not going to stutter. “Hell of a wake up.” He laughs as he pulls at Liam’s bare shoulders to kiss him.

“Something different ain’t it.”

“Good different. I’m still the one picking the plane though.”

Liam pouts, a battered bottom red lip appears in his eye line. He bites onto it slowly, making Liam smile and pull back. “Fine.” He finally concedes, “But I pick the villa.”

He rolls his eyes. “No fancy things remember.”

“I want to though.”

“Still a resounding no.” He challenges.

“Why do you have to be so difficult with things.” It’s not really an accusation. Just the truth.

“I don’t like spending money on frivolity that’s all.”

Liam sighs slowly, laces his tongue around Zayn’s and flips them over so that Zayn’s the one now straddling Liam.

“I’m going to have to teach you that it’s not wrong to spend something nice for yourself sometimes.”

“I don’t need it.”

“You do; you just don’t know it.” He lets it go, because he’s way too happy to cause a fight right now.

It’s when he shifts to the side and drops on the mattress. He’s still not dressed yet, but it’s ok, sits crossed legged and waits for Liam to sit up. When he does, the open curtain steams light into his eyes, turning them from their usual brown to hazel. He smiles and hesitates.

“I wanna call my Ammi.” He mumbles.

“Say that again love, didn’t hear.” Liam comes closer, pulls him closer but doesn’t try anything else.

“I want to call my Ammi.”

“Zayn, Ammi?” Liam grabs his cheek, fingers stretching to caress his ear.

“My mum, haven’t spoke to her since Beti was two.”

“What’s the sudden change?”

“You.”

Liam grins, ears tinging pink with joy.

“Do you think she’d be ok with this?” This time his tone of voice is so soft Zayn swears it’s an angel speaking.

“I’m hoping so.”

“I want you to meet my parents.” Liam hushes out. This time the sun hits a new part of his littered freckled face.

“I’d love too.” He murmurs, “Promise me one thing.” Liam dips his head. “Promise me that we always find the time to do this. These chats, because I don’t want to be one of those people that no idea what’s going on up in your head just because we’re both too afraid to ask.” This makes Liam look up. His eyes sparkle as Zayn pulls him in.

“Never, this has been so easy, falling into you, into all of you. It’s a good thing we aren’t rash teenagers trying desperately to stay put because we can’t handle emotions.”

“One more thing, got a Grammy offer in my emails I haven’t replied too yet. It means I’ve been nominated again but it’s not out in public yet. Would you be my date?”

He breathes in sharply. He didn’t expect something like that.

“Are you serious?” Liam smirks, “As can be.”

“Yes.” He mouths against Liam’s lips.

And that’s that.

*

“Helo, Ammi _? Subha bākhair.”_ _Good morning._

“Zain?”

“Yes Ammi.”

“Oh how nice it is to finally hear your voice.”

*

“Li? Liam where are you?” With the house being so obtuse he can see why Liam had installed an intercom. It rings in every room till someone picks it up. It’s late in the afternoon now, he’s spent five hours on the phone with his mum and he can’t particularly think properly till he finds Liam again.

“Hey sorry, come upstairs to the roof.” Liam says into the phone when he replies.

He wonders from the kitchen up through to the first floor, past Aalia’s room and the first floor guest wing. He likes the simplicity of this house, soft beige and cream furniture, light grey carpets, white flooring. He loves Liam’s award room, wall to wall selves filled to the brim with status and frames documenting his success over the years. He saunters up into the second floor, past their bedroom wing and library, more frames on the walls.  He’s not sure if he’ll ever be able to call it his home but, he can try.

He’s starting to wonder what Liam is doing up on the roof.

He’s never been up there before.

He finally makes it up into the winding stairs, past the third floor studio he adores so much. Liam’s waiting at the top, puts an old tie over his eyes and whispers, “I know you hate gifts, but I wanted to give you something you can’t refuse.” He laughs, he can’t believe Liam sometimes.

He’s being pushed slowly, hands on his waist, Liam’s chin pressed onto his shoulder. The floor is different here.

He’s walking on plastic.

Liam takes the blindfold off, candle light immediately hit his eyes as they readjust to sight.

“It’s an art room.” Liam’s mumbling. “It’s been super hard to get this past you but with a bit of help from Louis and with you being so lost with your mum all afternoon, in the garden I took my chance.”

He can’t believe that Liam and fucking Louis for that matter would do something like that, _for him._

That this man with so much love to give to the world, has taken the time, has had to courage to love him.

He’s just looking at Liam; he’s staring but it’s ok now. Liam’s eyes widen, his lips are forming a smile.

“You like it.” He’s mumbling again, like he’s just reassuring himself that what he’s done is ok.

It’s when he actually looks around. The room had three glass walls and a balcony. Liam had set up five easels a couple of sketch books. He can see new pencils and new brushes as well as tubes and tubes of paint.

“Liam, oh my God.”

Liam laughs in return and rushes forward to kiss him. “You’ve not had much time to focus on this side of you with everything going on, especially since your book has taken priority, so I decided to do something about it.”

“I love you, you know that right.” Is all he can stumble out himself. He’s still in shock, but he guesses this is what it must be like to be in an actual relationship not just a summer time fling he had when he was sixteen that turned into regular fucking. Too broke to actually do something nice for each other.

He grabs the back of Liam’s neck and cascades them to the nearest wall.

They’ve waited long enough.

Liam’s a bit slow to get with the program. He laughs, hands sliding past his arse, grabbing the back of his thighs and pushes him up again the wall.

It’s when Liam understands.

“Are you sure?”

“About what? Fucking you?”

Liam reddens, cheeks tinge pink as he lowers his eyes to gaze at Zayn’s lips.

He nods, “Don’t say it like that.”. And Zayn laughs.

“Meri – jaan,” He corrects, “I’ve been wanting to make love to you since the day I met you.” Liam looks up at that, eyes sharp and bright. He leans in to kiss him.  “I just didn’t know how to _love_ how to be okay with being touched, but really _how to be loved_  .” Liam’s cheeks burn so bright, Zayn’s a little afraid he might cause fever. “Even with everything?”

“Babe, you’re the one that should be asking me that. I’m the one with a child.”

Liam smiles, “A beautifully gorgeous child.” Zayn kisses him.

“You’re not real, I swear.” Liam laughs, “Could say the same thing about you.”

It’s all Zayn needs. Steadily but carefully he lays them out onto the floor. Takes his time with Liam’s clothes, dropping them off him one by one whilst teasing him silly.

It’s new this, it’s a bit of a change in attitude for him. He’s always been so wary of stepping onto many toes, especially with Liam, but right now, he almost _needs it._

Before he really thinks about what he’s doing, he grabs a tube of paint off his new workbench and screws it open. He does the same for a few others.

He lays a kiss on Liam’s knee, as his head comes up to look at what he’s doing, what’s taking him so long.

Maybe it’s a bit cheesy and maybe it’s a little over the top, but as he dips his finger in the cold yellow paint and draws a line over Liam’s tanned chest, he knows he’s made the right choice for their first time. He keeps making lines, in every shape. Dots down his thighs, stars over his abs. He colours till his fingers are a kaleidoscope of and Liam’s become a rainbow. He’s dabbing light blue over Liam’s nipples, laughing around words Liam’s whispering in annoyance to _get a move on Malik._

He stops, when he can see Liam tenting in his boxers.

He shudders, outside the day had lost its light and he can see the bright stars and full moon coming out from between the shadows of the dark.

He breathes in, Liam mutters something around he keeps condoms and lube in the ensuite next door. Zayn chuckles. _Of course only you’d keep that shit at the furthest point away in the house possible, what happens if we want to fuck in bed next._ He teases before getting up to get it.

“Don’t you dare move.” He says quite loudly. Liam moans. It brings them out of their soft bubble immediately. “You’ll pay for making me get off you.” Liam’s eyes slip closed, he’s watching as his hands go to his boxers. He’s close enough to slap them away. “No touching.” He orders.

Liam whines.

Zayn laughs and walks away, way too turned on to look back at the mess of a man he left behind him.

He opens the tap to wash the now drying paint off his hands, opens the medicine cabinet to find what he needs and stops to look at himself at the mirror.

So much has changed he’s struggling to keep track of it all. He wouldn’t change one minute though.

His fingers find his hole and sees if he’ll need much stretching, satisfied that his daily exercises in the shower are starting to help him get used to the feeling of the fullness he wants so badly.

When he saunters back to Liam, slowly, on purpose. He finds him in the same position he left him. Thighs apart, knees up, hands over his face to hide his eyes this time.

He leans down over him, pushes Liam’s knees down to take his boxers off and straddles him. He leans in to place a kiss onto Liam’s cheek before he starts moving down his body. Pressing kisses over the paint lines he’d just drawn, dry now.

As he moves back up for a minute, he can see a heated fuzz taking over Liam’s face. He pulls one hand up, letting it fall free to run it softly down Liam’s face, feeling him shudder before he slithers his eyes shut, enjoying Zayn’s touch.

“Ahh, fuck! Don’t stop!” Liam pleads out, his tongue twisting over his words. He’s stuttering.

Zayn grins.

“You sure aren’t you?”

Liam gasps in air and nods.

“Good, just making sure.” He breathes, climbing up Liam’s body to sit on his face.

“You don’t get to question what happens today. Just that I’m going to make this good.” Liam’s eyes widen for a minute; he wasn’t expecting that. He measures Liam was expecting to bottom because that’s what he’d told him previously, but he had his own ideas.

He can feel Liam’s tongue around his hole however, exactly what he set out to do.

He’s stretched himself a couple of times over the years, only recently had he taken to play with himself enough to figure out what he does like. Most of this it’s all new to him really.

Liam grabs his hips and positions his own mouth to where he wants it.

Zayn moans around a soft fuck, he’s never felt that before.

He feels Liam dragging the flat of his tongue over him again, tenses it and pushes in slightly. He can’t help but move off him, so that their lips meet and their eyes blank out from the pleasure.

He wobbles back down again, lost in their new found ecstasy.

He breathes over Liam’s dick as he watches him tense up, waiting in anticipation for Zayn to get a move on.

And it’s not as if he’s cocksure. He’s running on adrenaline alone, making it up as he goes along, but time seems to suspend just for them.

Liam lets out a shaky breath as his lips finally meet the head and Zayn’s swallowing him whole. He’s quick on the ball this time. Sharp flicks of his tongue, not too much teeth, a tease of his balls. He smiles around his dick when Liam lets out a moan he must have been holding onto for a while.

A new sound he’s never heard before.

Pre cum is all over his face because Liam’s messy like that, down his chin, into his beard, but he doesn’t care right now, because Liam is saying, “More, wetter Z.` It’s hoarse and it’s husky, like he’s fighting with himself to speak. Zayn’s dripping himself, but right now Liam’s all that’s important.

When he comes off with a slight loud pop, he’s undressing himself with so much speed Liam’s laughing at him.

He shuts him up with a kiss to his tummy, as he climbs back all over him, ripping the condom to slide it over him. This time he can feel Liam’s cold wet finger coming up to find his hole. He’s found the time to lube up he’s realised. He grabs the bottle, which he now sees in his hand and squeezes it all over his palm. When he takes Liam’s dick in his hand to give it a few thrusts he feels Liam’s fingers dig deeper into him.

“Gahh,” He complains, “I can come just like this.”

Immediately Liam stops, his eyes open and winks. “Nahh darling that’s not good enough.”

And if it wasn’t for Liam’s smiling eyes and incredibly patience with him, everything could have turned incredibly awkward.

Liam’s fingers find his own. When they touch, sparks of electricity run down his spine.

It feels so good to be alive right now.

“Open up.” Liam breathes. It’s almost guttural, like he’s keeping himself from not pushing too much too soon.

“Jaan, I can take you.”

Liam doesn’t reply, grabs his right hip bone with his free hand and gently guides him to the head of his dick. When he pushes down, it’s slow but neither of them mind, allowing him to adjust fully to be sitting down, thighs together, eyes open, memorialising this into forever

Liam laughs and grabs the back of Zayn’s neck bringing him down to his face. The angle has changed and when he intakes breath sharply Liam’s breathing out sorry’s for the life of him.

“It’s ok.” he giggles, “We needed to do that anyway at one point.” Liam pouts and tilts further to bite at his lower lip. When Zayn pulls back up, his hands are finding balance on Liam’s tight tummy before he’s allowing himself to experiment. Liam lets him, accommodates even, opens his legs out wider so that Zayn can lean a little on them as he bounces slowly, before he’s picking up the pace. He’s seeing white as he’s drifting into a new space he’s never really touched before. It’s astronomic that he’s feeling all the right feelings right now, but he is and he wouldn’t change it.

He feels Liam fingers over his arms, squeezing with just enough pressure that he opens his eyes. He starts to thrust up into him, slow at first, feeling him out, but then faster, with more intent. He’s hitting at the bundle of nerves he didn’t think he’d find first go and it’s what sets him into the stars.

He comes.

His world goes black for a few moments, but then he’s hearing Liam keen and stutter. If he’s honest, that sound would make him come all the way from America if he ever hears it again.

They sit in silence, catching their breaths. Unmoving. He can hear the soft crackling noise candles make for the first time since he’s entered the studio. When he does eventually pull off, he falls unceremoniously beside Liam who turns to look at him, eyes glistening in the very drooping light in the room.

“Meri – jaan.” Liam whispers, reaching out to caress his face.  

“I want to hear you say it forever.”

Zayn smiles, lowers his eyes and thanks everyone with an ear for finding him someone that listens to his little things.

“It means, my love.” He utters softly, gazes back up to meet Liam’s.

“I love you.”

“Main tumse pyar karta hoon”

*

Only when he reminds them Aalia comes home in less than twenty minutes do they stop watching the night sky and come in to shower. As the paint circles the drain and they’re washing off their bodies they’re giggling to their hearts content.

Only when they check for his soreness, making corny sex jokes found within the pages of their teenage brains, does he finally accept that this is going to be his life for a while, if not always.

He’s so content he can explode.

*

“Mum’s coming down with the girls next weekend so we can have a small gathering for Lia.” He says when they’re watching TV later that same night. Aalia’s in bed excited for her ballet recital tomorrow. They couldn’t get her to go to sleep until Liam started singing that is, then even the dogs laid down and settled.

“If that’s ok.” He mumbles out when Liam doesn’t answer, too into Criminal Minds. The hue of his face turning blue from the light beaming off the screen.

“That’s ok babe,” He replies lowly this time, his arm coming up to stroke at Zayn’s face. “Just thinking about how lucky I am to have you.” He chuckles, “Oh gosh not again, stop it.”

“My family is coming down next Sunday as well, do you think both our mums can cook enough for all of us.”

“Are we sure we want them to meet for now?” He questions.

“Darling, we’ve already discussed this.”

“I know, I know, I just don’t want you to think I’m being pushy.”

“How are you being pushy though, they’ll get on, you’ll see.”

“I want to take my Ammi out with Beti, just so that she gets to experience this new grown up version of Aalia we do now.”

“Take them to ice – cream down near the London Eye, you know where I mean. I’d rally up my troops till you’re back.” That makes him smile, how did he fall for this dork he’s got no idea.

It was settled then, and as their legs find each other and their fingers intertwine, and Zayn’s heart all can do is sing.

*

“Baba,” Aalia whispers when she’s having a bath the next day. “Are you going to marry LiLi?” He wants to roll his eyes at her new found nickname, it was better than Mr Liam he had to admit, so he can’t really bring himself too, orders her instead to close her eyes as he squeezes shampoo over her hair. It’s just gone half past eight in the morning, baths always find them in weird conversations.

“Beti darling, you can’t say things like that.”

“But why?” She pouts, hands over her eyes like she’s done since she was old enough to realise what he’s doing.

“Because Beti, we never invade, never assume, remember, uncle Niall taught us that one.”  

“I know, I know, I just like seeing you happy.”

It frustrates him that she still thinks he needs someone else to be alright.

“Aalia, I’ve got you for the rest of my life, I’ve always been happy and yes I do love him to pieces by the way.”

She doesn’t reply, allows her fingers to make grabby hands at him the moment he rinses off the conditioner.

When her eyes shine a dark blue colour up at him he knows she’s about to cry.

“Don’t look at me like that Lia, we’ll be okay no matter what happens with Liam ok?”

She accepts this but presses a kiss to his cheek anyway, he suspects what she wanted to achieve in the first place.

When he towels her off and they’re sat braiding her hair, because she’s dead straight on curls that night, she climbs on his knee to hug him properly.

When he refocuses her on her ballet recital that afternoon, she smiles up at him and asks if Liam is coming this time not just Niall and Louis.

He shakes his head because he’s not asked him. “He’s busy with studio I think, I’ll tell him when you leave for training okay.”

“Please do. Oh I forgot to tell you, Miss Moreau is moving me into the class that does Pointe first next season.”

It takes him a back a little bit, while she’s not due to start Pointe for a further couple of years, putting her in the accelerated Pointe classes was no easy feat.

“I so proud Beti.” And he is, all their hard work is finally paying off.

When they arrive at her ballet school, he takes her teacher aside to ask her about her class room if it meant anything for her schedule. Miss Moreau just mentions that she will be joining a class where the children are usually aged six and above. They train the class with control and structure to build up their core strength, muscles and balance.

He shouldn’t, but he feels a little bit validated. All his late nights and three jobs at one point to fund her schooling, piano and dance had in truth taken the toll on him but he is ready for a change.

He’s smiling as he’s waiving her off, she barely registers it, just goes back to lacing up her flats.

When he arrives home, Liam’s waiting for him with kisses and a brown square envelope on the kitchen bar. He can see the Pembridge Hall stamp on it and his heart stammers a little. It’s the seal of the school he’d only just applied for Aalia a couple of weeks ago, because now with his new job and an increase in pay, he can upgrade.

Liam’s grinning at him, before grabbing the envelope and turning it over. “Okay, okay, I shouldn’t’ be as excited about this but she got in!” Liam’s squealing as he’s handing over the letter.

He’s reading, “Aalia has overall scored impressive results in her Maths and English, as well as being an incredibly gifted and articulate child. We are delighted to offer you a definite place commencing this September at our Lower School, we are delighted to welcome you to the school.”

After that there are details about their tour at the end of August as well as the uniform list she’ll require. She’s been allocated the Austen house, after Jane Austen, because of her skills with language.

Both he and Aalia are fluent in Hindi and Urdu as well as teaching her English as her first language.

When he looks up Liam’s brushing off tears off his cheeks and handing him yet another envelope.

This time it’s the trip they had decided to take once upon a time.

“Commercial flights to Malta, I know it’s not somewhere fancier but five-day stay in villa off the North coast. We agreed to not use the jet but – “

“Sshh,” Zayn shuts him up, “It’s perfect.”

“Li, I don’t need fancy, I love us for exactly what we are, fuss free and as real as you can be. Plus, Malta,” He add just because he’s an art geek and proud of the fact, “has a few of the most sought Caravaggio paintings because he painted them at a time of exile, found in the capital, where you know, it’s a world heritage site.”

It brings Liam out of his anxiety, he watches a smile, then a laugh leaves his lips before he leans in to kiss him.

“Thank you.” He whispers, Liam shakes his head like he doesn’t think it’s needed and grabs his hips cascading them to the nearest wall, nearly falling over Brit in the meantime. They’re laughing over their silliness but he’s starting to learn that this is perfectible acceptable behaviour. His thighs spilt and Liam’s pushing him up again the wall.

“Come with me tonight.” He whispers, watching as Liam’s eyes open, “I know we haven’t done much stuff outside together but, I’d really like you to come watch her with me.”

He watches the way Liam’s face changes. What he could tell was lust, turns into something softer, huskier, like he didn’t expect Zayn to ask him such a thing, eyes wide with something other than hope.

“You really want that?”

“I’d love us too.”

“Good thing my I’ve cleared everything ready these coming days.”

Zayn laughs. “No.”

“Yes.”

“But you didn’t have too.”

“Oh but I did, with both our families here I can’t be dashing upstairs every time someone refuses to raise their finger.”

“Do you think my family are going to be ok?”

“I think so, just remember, you’re not the only one that’s changed, they have too.” He lowers his eyes at that, he forgot about that side to things.

“I just don’t want Ammi to be disappointed.”

“Jaan.”

His eyes flutter up at that. Liam’s smiling. “I love you.” He speaks but Liam continues.

“She won’t though ok. I thought that when I had to tell mine about never bringing a woman home, not for real anyway. She just looked at me and said, well Liam, you’ll bring us a handsome boy that loves you silly. _That’s you_. Nothing is bad as you make it out to be in that head of yours ok?”

“Do you think she’ll denounce the twenty thousand I’m spending on her education.” Liam shakes his head. “She should be proud that you’ve found a job that pays you triple that to be able to say that it’s just a penny in the bucket for you.”

“I don’t want her thinking I’m bumming off you.”

“Then we’ll set her straight. You would have applied for that school without me here or not and you know that.” Yeah that’s the truth. “Plus,” Liam smiles, “Welcome to the top one percent of the country club.”

That makes him giggle, shake his head and actually laugh. “Most of it is going to fund her university.”

“God I wish I would have been half as good as you if I had a kid at twenty.”

“Nahh, I just don’t want to give her what I had, working three jobs busting my butt is worth it. She got moved ballet classes to start structuring for Pointe, I’d call that success.”

“Really?”

Zayn dips his lips to meet Liam.

“Yes really.”

*

After when they’re dressed and heading out the door. Louis pulls him aside to tell him that the DNA is back and Freddie is really his. He congratulates him as they laugh around a bad joke. “Bring him over yeah? Wanna meet your little guy.”

“Good thing we’ve had Aalia to practice on.” Liam is saying, “When we have kids I’m not going to dread it so much.” It’s casual to a point Louis doesn’t even raise an eyebrow. When Niall finally joins them he’s saying something about a new bird he met and suddenly it feels like it was Christmas again, but this time he’s much more sure of where all this is going.

“When we make it to one,” Liam’s whispering as the lights go out and the show is starting, “I want to make sure you understand how much you’ve brought into my life.”

“Are you promising good sex, because I’m all for it.” It’s low enough, but Louis hears anyway. Eavesdropping he thinks.

He shushes them loudly while Niall’s leaning to Liam to say _, get a room you two, not in here._ They’re laughing as they’re settling and as they watch Aalia take the stage with the rest of the fairies from Midsummer’s night dream, Liam slips his hand into his and squeezes, smiling bright as he directs his attention to the show.

For the first time, this feels like he too found his forever.

*

“Hi Ammi, where are you?”

“We’re just getting into St Pancras Beta; you didn’t have to come all the way to meet us.”

“No Ammi, it’s ok. We’re waiting just by the fountain outside.”

“We’re just getting off, see you in a minute love.”

He’s nervous. He’s not seen his mother in years. He isn’t exactly sure what to except. “Beti!” He shouts kind of loudly, but she’s lost in the throngs coming in and out of the station. He can see her, but she’s running after pigeons a little too far away for his liking. When she comes over she immediately apologises it. “What is the only rule when it comes to being out?”

He dips her head, playing with her hands. He truly does hate doing this to her. He bends to her, his knees hitting the floor so that he’s on eyelevel.

“Beti.” He says again, a little bit softer this time.

“Never go away so far you cannot see Baba.” She parrots out, because he’s drilled it into her since she could walk and talk.

“Good.” He smiles picking her up. “Now put your best smile on, Daadi is going to be here any minute.”

“But I thought Daadi was angry with you because you had me.”

“She was, but she isn’t anymore.” He reaches over to pull at the collar of her dress, fixing her plaits and setting her down again. When he straightens back up he can hear his Baji before he can see her.

Doniya always had a for penchant of being loud. He remembers the nights he couldn’t sleep because they had to share a room and she was way too busy talking to her friends at half two in the morning.

 

“Zayn!!” His mum was shouting, rushing over to him and literally throwing herself at him. “Oh my God, you’ve grown up so much.” She says excitedly bending down to Aalia. “Both of you.”

 

Don, his older sister is dragging him for a hug now, followed by Waliyha who was thirteen the last time he saw her. Safaa is dragging her heels lost in it all, he guesses, she barely remembers him at all.

 

He pulls her in for a hug anyway.

 

Aalia is far too happy with the sheer amount of women company that now all look like her. She’s laughing around the silly soft toy Waliyha got her. He only calls it silly because it was his teddy bear when he was little, something he would have expected to be thrown out years ago.

 

“How’s Baba doing with all of this?” He asks his mum as they walk to the car.

 

“He’s not really all over you, or that boy you’re with but I’m ok. I haven’t seen you in so long so I’m just happy both of you are doing well and safe.”

 

“I’m doing good Ammi.” He whispers leaning into her. “I know.” She laughs. “The papers have told me so much I didn’t know.”

 

“Don’t read the papers mum. It’s the first thing Liam had told me.”

 

“You pulled a popstar ey,” Doniya is piping up from behind them, coming closer to shag out his hair. “God you need a haircut.” She’s laughing. And no, he loves the new length hair thank you very much.

 

“Tell me about Liam?” His mum returns his attention back to their conversation. As everyone piles into the back of his tiny car.

 

“He’s like superman.” Is what Aalia has to say about him, she’s got everyone laughing and suddenly nothing feels so awkward anymore. They stop over at the London eye ice cream parlour and Aalia is dictating what’s the best flavour and what isn’t. She pretty much ends up choosing everyone’s.

 

“You don’t want any love?” His mother asks as they start walking along the river bank.

 

“No Ammi, I’m good.” She shakes her head, “Always putting everyone first accept you.”

 

“It’s because he bought it for everyone that’s why.” Aalia interjects. “He always does that.”

 

It’s innocent in nature, but it gives his mother fuel, it’s everything she wanted to know.

 

He ignores the stares and instead grabs Aalia’s hand to drag them back to the car.

 

When they pull up to the house half an hour later, he watches as his mum’s jaw drops. He slowly brings her out of her wonderment and leads her into the gloriously empty home with the exempt of Louis who’s agreed to babysit his sisters whilst he spoke to his mother.

 

“Where is he?”

  
“Getting his own mum and dad.”  She smiles. “You planned this didn’t you.” She whispers as Aalia is running past them slowly followed by Wali and Saf.

 

“Maybe.” He smiles. “Now come on, I want to show you something.” He grabs her hand and slowly walks them up the two flights of stairs into his studio.

 

“He gave me this.”

 

“Zayn, he’s given you a lot more than just this.” She says as her hands make circles in the air.

 

He loves his mother, he truly does, but sometimes she says things that don’t really come out right. But with her sari hanging off her slight frame. Her hair and nails done and eyebrows freshly threaded. He can see that even they have moved up in the world from the look of Waliyha’s clothing alone.

 

“Why are you looking at me like that.” She asks moving closer. “I just wanted you to be proud of me that’s all.”

 

She comes closer, the hem of the lilac skirt dragging along the plastic.

 

“I am.” Her hand resting firmly on his chin. “I’m just scared you’re going to play second fiddle to him for as long as you’re with him.” That stiffens him up a little.

 

“I’m not. Beti’s going to Pembridge Hall next September and I’m starting at one of the best independent schools in the city. Ammi I’m doing more than ok.” He hates that he immediately went on the defensive but he needed to.

 

“Pembridge. That’s where Princess Charlotte is. Zayn, Beta, how did you manage to get her in there.”

 

“She did two tests and an interview, here.” He says pulling back and opening his drawer to give her Aalia’s acceptance letter.

 

_“Dear Mr. Malik,_

_Aalia has overall scored impressive results in her Maths and English, as well as being an incredibly gifted and articulate child. We are delighted to offer you a definite place commencing this September at our Lower School, we are delighted to welcome you to the school.”_

 

When she looks up, he can’t quite read her. Eyes a mix between joy and confusion, lips contorted in a way that’s only make his want to defend his decisions more.

 

“How many languages have you taught her?”

 

“Three.”

 

“Beta, maaf kii dschiye ga”

 

“No need to be sorry Ammi, we were kids back then.” He says moving closer to her again grabbing her hands. “I was a kid that thought I could do it. I did but it took three jobs for years to do it. She’s happy and healthy and just as in love with this man I’m so happy to call my partner. I’ve survived.”

 

“I know you have love, but your Baba had us all believing it was the right thing to do to vanish you out of our lives. That’s the biggest mistake I’ve ever let him do, because she’s such a joy.”

 

“She’s like you.” His mother draws her breath at that. “But how, she doesn’t remember me. “

 

“She doesn’t need to remember you to be you. I’m scared for her future children. Even if she was half the sort of scary parent you are, my job will be complete.”

 

She smiles.

 

“Where will you be teaching next September love?”

 

“Harrow School of Boys.” She’s impressed he can tell by the little movement in her lips. “I did I two interviews, two written exams and a micro teach to get it.”

 

“I’m so proud of you.”

 

“I love you.” He says softly leaning in to hug her. She rests her head on his shoulder, smelling him. He can’t quite believe he’s in her arms again. What’s he’s been wishing for, for close to a year now.

 

The intercom rings and he lets got to answer. She chuckles _out an of course, how posh Z_ before shushes her laughing to answer.

 

“Oi, lover boy, your beau is here ticking Lia to her hearts content and from what it looks like it you better get down here because one of your sisters might them steal him.”

 

He still firmly holds the belief that Louis was a jester to the royals in another life, because seriously the things he comes up with are absolutely mental.

 

*

When their parents meet for the first time, it’s a babble. What starts out as slightly awkward and wayward turns into a song and dance of trivial talk Zayn can’t get enough of.

 

His sisters joking around with Ruth and Nicola, sharing sporadic memories even _he_ refuses to forget. Their mothers in their own bubble to the side sipping on white wine and catching up like old friends. Even Geoff is happily sitting with Safaa as she teaches him how to play Mario Cart on the floor. They come together to celebrate Aalia’s now late sixth birthday. She doesn’t mind though, because Liam’s got her on his shoulders this year and she’s got a cake with Pocahontas as they sing Happy Birthday to her. At one point she runs over to him to whisper, _Thank you for finding our family Baba._ They spill off into the library after a while and Aalia is pretty much too happy with her three small presents each side bought for her. Liam and he bought her a Pandora bracelet, whilst their families got her two charms each. _You can take it with you to prep so don’t lose it in the next two years ok._ She laughs and holds out her arm to show off. She’s got a pointe shoe, a small piano, the number six as well her the letter A as charms. She’s utterly delighted.

 

“I’m gonna miss you when I leave Baba _.”_

 

“Me too Beti, but I’m only ever half an hour away when you’re gone. Now stop thinking about it, it’s not for another two years.”

 

“I know, I know.” She smiles climbing over his back. “Take me downstairs, Nicola promised me swimming.” He laughs, “Of course Beti.”

 

It’s crazy to think that this crowd might have never known of each other’s existence if the circumstance of life wasn’t right.

 

“Zayn.” He hears. “Come here sunshine.” It fills him with joy that his mother had just fallen in his own very personal nickname. He was _sunshine_. Doniya, _precious_. Waliyha _, sweetness_ and little Safaa, _love._ He drops her down and she runs out the backdoor.

 

When he saunters in to the conservatory, she’s immediately coming to him, placing her arm around his waist as she guides them back to the cabinet drawer she was standing in front on.

 

She’d found the frame. This time sitting next to another one of Liam’s family, mirroring each other in so many ways. As Liam had explained, it was the first ever family portrait they took after they had adopted him.

 

“You kept it.”

 

“Ammi, why would I throw it away?”

 

“Beta, this family has hurt you too much for me to not assume you wouldn’t want memories.”

 

“Ammi, you did what you did to survive, for your girls. If you hadn’t given up on me, all of you would have been in the streets. Then what? I couldn’t live with the shame and guilt of doing that to any of you.”

  
“Beta.” She warns. “I don’t like where you’re going with this train of thought.”

 

“Really? Because the only option for me back then was to leave or not have Aalia. I chose to stay with Aalia because you at the end of the day have those three gorgeous girls in there who needed all the support they needed.”

 

“But we were always missing you.”

 

“It’s history. Today we lead very different lives.”

 

“Well, now you’re prancing your sexuality like it’s nothing. I’d say there is a definite change yes.”

 

The slight disapproval gets to him. He’s never taken lightly to people judging his life based on what they see on the outside. In reality, his mother was a stranger to him as were his sisters.

 

“You know; I’ve always known what I liked. But Ammi, we were a conventionally conservative Muslim household that had never talked about the real possibility that any of us might be queer. I was with a girl because it’s what you approved of. And if then you didn’t like her. When shit got bad, you threw me out under the bus and I could then get on with my own life. I’m not bitter though. I’ve found where I want to be.”

 

“What happens to you – and Aalia when he dumps you for the next big catch.”

 

“You don’t trust me, do you.” He stiffens, Liam heard that and the fact it’s more than a statement hurts a tad.

 

His mother calmly turns around. “You put him in your life, with your fancy car and your fancy house, you give him a fancy art studio and you’re nice to his child and you expect him to not fall in love with you. That’s utterly ridiculous. What has he given you? Sex I presume.” She’s so matter of fact about it all he’s rooted to the spot; however, it seems that Liam’s accepted the challenge.

 

He moves closer to him grabbing his hand, drags his thumb over Zayn’s and squeezes.

 

“I moved him in here because they were living in a one bed flat with no proper second room. He had a little girl that had just had her appendix taken out and needed time and space to recover. That sorts that one out. Zayn’s grown up into this soul that’s twice his age. He cares for his Beti as he calls her with all of his being and I’ve watched him go without food to make sure her school fees and classes are paid for each month. You’ve got this idea of a struggling twenty-year-old boy that didn’t know how to parent. Today he’s a man. He did that without you or me. You know, when we met after Paris he wouldn’t let me touch him. We had a three-hour conversation about where we wanted this to go and even after that he had doubts. It’s what you tend to do when you see yourself with someone for the long term. You can’t walk in here and start making accusations on the boy you used to know. I didn’t get a say in – “

 

He decides to stop Liam with his own squeeze of the hand. Liam looks at him and back down.

 

“I called you because I missed you. I miss your Biryani and I miss your cuddles in the dark any time Baba was shouting again. I miss the way your Urdu rolls off your tongue because it’s different texture from ours. You learnt it to please him, because everything you do is to please him. You wear these,” He lightly grabs at her sari with his free hand, “Because it’s the image he wants you to portray. Your concerns right now are things I would have expected from him. How many hours did he drill that speech into you before he allowed you for allocate a weekend for this?” She bows her head at that. He’s got her.

 

It allows him to let go of Liam and grab hold of her shoulders. At this point he’s aware his sisters are in the room watching but at this moment he doesn’t care.

 

“I got out Ammi, I got out and I’m happy. Doniya is nearly thirty and she’s still at home because the bastard refuses to relinquish control. Waliyha’s in uni and she could only do Bradford because he wouldn’t allow halls. How do I know this, because I was going to live their lives before the greatest mistake, as you put it, of my life happened. I want you out,” He turns to Waliyha and Doniya. “All of you.”

 

Both girls bow their heads like their mother, playing with their fingers, hating that he’s put them on the spot. “I love how we all project happy lives. I really do. I love how your face turned out to be so perfect Wali.” He says walking up to them. “No look at me. Wali you’re my bad girl with a twist, and you’re slaying uni like it isn’t even a challenge, do you know how proud you should be?”

 

“And you, you’re my oldest Baji and you’re still having to live like you’re seventeen.  I’m so happy but surprised he’s not tried to marry both of you off. You’ve got a Masters in Psychology for goodness sake.” She looks up at that. “Akbar.” He smiles. “He tells me things.”

 

“How can we get out though.” It’s his Ammi again. She catches all their attention; he doesn’t think the girls expected her to be so forthcoming.

 

“Ammi,” It’s Waliyha. “He’ll just about try kill us if we leave.”

 

“Nonsense. I’m still here and alive with a six-year-old. Newsflash, he told me the same thing when I told him about Hasina. Ammi,” he says now. “You can’t start being bitter to a Beta and argumentative just because you don’t like where I’ve gone, or where you’ve perceived I’ve gone. Ammi, look at what you’ve got, before you start throwing words you can never take back. Both of them so strong and they both are very capable to succeeding alone. They are already even with all the restraints. It’s time to give them freedom.”

 

She comes to him, buries her head in his chest. It’s her first release in years.

 

When his sisters join their hug, his Ammi opens her arm to invite Liam. The minute he feels Liam’s breath next to his ear, he tilts up to press a kiss to his cheek.

 

He’s never been good at resolve, but he thinks he just about managed that quite well.

 

*

 

“What you did in there, it made me realise why Liam loves you.” He’s sitting next to Karen on the swinging bench outside. Liam’s lit up the garden and the adults were having champagne around the fire pit. He only moved away for a quick cigarette but Karen joined him.

 

They had put Aalia and Safaa down to sleep at just after nine. They’ve broken off, this time Liam and Geoff sitting around with his Ammi. He can hear whispers of conversation. New places to live, budget, effort, separation talk. He had to move away from it all for a while, listening in on Wali and Don’s conversation with Liam’s sisters like they’ve known each other years. From past idiots they’ve dated to make up tips.

 

The mid-summer heat gave way for a fresher breeze now. The cloudless sky means he can see the stars and he can still smell the smoke coming off the barbeque from their dinner.

 

“What do you mean?” He whispers, looking at the woman that brought his man so much joy into his world.

 

“She told me a little bit before, not as explicitly as you put it but enough to realise what’s going on, what’s been going on your entire lives.”

 

“Oh,” He flutters his eyes shut. “You know, I’m quite sure if it wasn’t for the fact that he’s Muslim, we’d all would have been put in care, but with us, things are hidden.”

 

“You would have. Liam’s parents were a little bit different because they were drug fuelled alcoholics but you my dear, are the way you are with that little girl because of the images you had gotten used to growing up.”

 

He likes that, he likes that someone that is still really still very new in his life can see that.

 

“When Liam first told us about you, we assumed he wasn’t as serious, because he kept the most important parts of you secret. Now I know why. He didn’t want to shock us with all the new responsibilities he wanted to have, but when we found out about Aalia, we knew – he’d found the one.”

 

He smiles. “You really think so?”

 

She grabs his fingers and presses them up to her lips, that’s where Liam gets it from.

 

Karen is a slight woman, big blue eyes and a kind heart. He soul mirrored so much in Liam it’s a little astonishing.

 

“Take care of him,” The tone of her voice is so sweet and soft he can barely make out what she’s saying, she’s smiling though, peeking teeth behind her lips as she’s continuing, “because you’re filling in the gaps his parents failed to and that’s something not even we managed to do fully.”

 

When she bids him goodnight, she leaves him with a kiss to his forehead and a knowing smile. It makes Liam’s eyes meet his and soon he’s getting up to saunter slowly to him.

 

Liam takes the liberty to sit on him instead of next to him. He giggles, but even through the dark he’s still close enough to count Liam’s eyelashes if he wanted too.

 

“It was brave of you today.” Liam’s whispering between kisses. “I just said what I needed to say since I’ve been gone.”

 

“She’s got the point though; she’s asking us for help to move out.”

 

“I need to get her to a stage were she’s proud again. She’s not been able to be proud since before she met my baba. Fuck Li,” He whinges into Liam’s shoulder, “She can’t see all the things we’ve achieved because he just puts a negative spin on things all the time.”

 

“Babe, I know, but with the help of the actual adults.” Liam laughs pointing to his Dad, “We can fix it.”

 

He smiles into Liam’s neck and presses a kiss to his cheek. They stay like that until their sisters are making fun of them and they’re beckoned into tickle fights. They’re laughing their heads off, rolling around on the now wet grass from the evening dew.

 

When they stop to catch their breaths, Liam finds his lips and kisses him just right in front of everyone. The girls are cooing and flashing lights are going off, but they don’t care. Not right now, probably not ever.

 

They’ve brought the biggest loves of their lives together in the same house and somehow to like each other.

 

There is so much more to celebrate but he cannot think right now because Liam’s lifting him up a carrying across the threshold back into the dimly light house.

 

And as they fall over furniture and hit walls with their shoulders, it’s settling in now that this is home, not just another fancy glass house full of stones.

 

The people that live here, they breathe, they laugh, they dance. They cry. This life, Liam’s life, it wasn’t pretty. It was messy and chaotic, but it’s real and now this is his verity too.

 

*

The first time he deals with Paparazzi he’s left a little bit dumbfounded. He didn’t quite want to believe people, men, strangers, wanted to take pictures and ask him invasive questions. He was just a simple boy from Bradford.

 

He hated fanfare.

 

Management had outlined that Aalia’s face will remain blurred out in any picture taken by them, so at least having that bit of protection in place helped his sanity slightly. They’d only posted three pictures of her, and they haven’t really been planning to be spreading her face over the internet daily. It’s still weird that he’s had to sign on the dotted line just to have full access to Liam. Like’s he’s in this for anything other than the chance to love someone in the way he’s always dreamed of.

 

Liam in turn reacts to grabbing at his hand tighter. Aalia walking just before them, hands on a little lilac luggage she’s refused to let go of. Her Romanov doll dangling from her arm as it drags across the floor. Her Mickey and Minnie tugged into the larger hold all luggage because she didn’t want them to get dirty.

 

His nerves only settle when they’re ushered into the vip lounge and opaque windows hide their existence. Aalia stumbles her way to the viewing window, she keeps shouting different things in a variety of languages of her fancy out of a little shock but mostly yonder he guesses whilst they settle on the sofa waiting till their flight is called.

 

“First flight nerves?” Liam whispers, his lips brushing past his ear. He nods and tilts just enough to press a kiss to his cheekbone. “You can tell?”

 

Liam smirks. “I can tell because I know you.” Zayn in turn softly slaps his thigh. Liam catches his hand and brings his fingers up to kiss them. “You like doing that.” He speaks softly.

 

“You do too.” It’s true.

 

“Think it’s turning into a little bit of a habit.” He chuckles.

 

“Let’s never change it.”

 

And when they board their three – hour Air Malta flight. He’s got his heart between his teeth and his fingers around Liam’s for the life of him.

 

Liam gently relaxes him into the sweet dull of the engine. When the seatbelt light above their heads goes off, he fully pulls him into his chest. Zayn grabs the pillow he’d brought along for Aalia in case she wanted to sleep and tells him to place it behind his back. It means Liam can turn his back against the side of the plane, allowing him to fall into the v of his legs. They have the first few rows of the airplane, more space then they’ll ever really need for such a short flight, separated simply with a plush red curtain.

 

The friendly staff informed them they only usually pull it shut when dignitaries are on board. It wasn’t exactly what he had in mind, but this is as close he can ask Liam to fly commercial.

 

He’s watching as Aalia across from then, takes out her pencils and starts drawing into an old style colouring book, because he refuses to buy her tablets. Her fish tale is falling over her little table but she doesn’t seem to notice. Her tongue pressed out of her mouth like she’s concentrating hard. The jubilance from earlier gone as she focuses on her page.

 

It’s only then that he truly does start to loosen back. Liam’s opened up the free on board local version of The Times with his free hand while Zayn’s at liberty to play with his other one. His fingers finding Liam’s who squeezes. It allows him to gently lull off into sleep, only woken up when they land.

 

The first thing he notices, is the heat. It’s the kind that left you claustrophobic in your own skin and dizzy from the focus needed to just walk in a straight line. He’s now kicking himself for having hair down to the middle of his back. It’s nauseating in a fashion that’s he’s never really experienced before. It’s like breathing underwater.

 

It was August now, and the Maltese summer is already taking its toll on him.

 

He gets over the initial shock, only when they’re being ushered into the refreshing air conditioned airport.

 

The people are friendly and the language sounds a bit too much like Arabic, in an eerie way, it reminds him too much like home. White washed walls to keep the heat out. Potted plants in the middle of the streets that stand in for roundabouts. Steep stairs in the old quarters still to this day having people abode in ways on the poor do. Kids playing hopscotch in the winding cobbled alleyways, while others are running across the cars down to the presumed nearby beaches, with towels thrown across their backs as they slither their ways past the traffic. The heat is seeming forgotten, at least by them.

 

As they stumble their way across the island he’s catching glimpses of a place that looks and feels so old world he can’t think properly for a second.

 

“Liam,” He whispers, as he’s watching Aalia’s half hanging head rolling out of the car they had been picked up in. It’s a bit mystifying how you could breeze through security like it didn’t exist in the first place.  “Hmm?”

 

“It’s gorgeous.” He chuckles then, “If you don’t count the traffic.”

 

“Just wait to where we are going.” Liam smiles pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I’m glad you like it jaan.”

 

He likes that Liam keeps doing that. Likes that he’s managed to imprint something small onto him like Liam’s done so much on him. The rubbing off on each other thing really appeals to him if he were to be honest.

 

“Baba, can you see the sea? It’s so big and blue. Why isn’t the London river blue? “

 

He chuckles and pulls her over them, moving the hair out of hair tired eyes as she sits in his lap. “Because Beti, The Thames is a river, this is called open sea.”

 

“I like it better.” She laughs, pressing herself further into them. Liam smiles and presses a few kisses to her face.

 

“You know,” He drawls out. “The house we’re going to has a path that takes you right down to the sea if you wanted.”

 

It makes Aalia look up, it grabs her attention. He can tell she likes the idea because he eyes light up in the sun and her toothless grin appears.

 

“Think you can show Liam some of the swimming you’ve been learning since you went back after your surgery?”

 

She sticks her tongue out, mischief in her eyes like he’s given her too many ideas all at once.

 

“Of course. I can swim under the water like a ARIEL, you have to see Daddy.” It’s unexpected, they hadn’t exactly discussed something like that.  He’s watching as Liam’s hands reach out to pull her more onto him. He’s not panicked as he feared he would be. He’s smiling down at Aalia like she’s just found the cure to cancer.

 

“Do you really want to call me that Lia?” She nods and grabs both of his cheeks.

 

“You love my Baba, plus I always wanted to call him,” She points at Zayn, “Daddy. But Baba is Baba and you are Daddy.” Liam kisses her forehead. “Well then, that’s sorted.”

 

The sun is finally sinking into the night when they arrive at their house for the week. “Mellieha.” He’s saying as they pull into Santa Maria Estate. He’s tongue tied over words because it’s one pretty house after another.

 

Aalia rushes off the moment she’s let out of the car. For now, they don’t even go inside, just round it to watch the sun set. Liam grabs them their welcome snacks. Freshly grilled white fish with some sort of Maltese sauce that’s got him dying for the recipe and a flute of white wine. There is a small note left by the owners stating to expect them tomorrow for a welcome tour and places to see. Liam chuckles out a _I didn’t tell them it was me._

 

As they settle into the night, he’s watching the stars find their lights and the moon its face.

 

“Daddy.” Liam’s laughing. “Daddy.” He speaks now, this time louder more clear, he’s almost ecstatic. “You like that?” He’s saying, “I didn’t expect her to want to do that.” He’s sitting on the floor between Liam’s legs as he French plaits his hair. A newly acquired skill he’s mastering because he wants to be prepared for when Aalia starts school in the Autumn and they both know Zayn’s going to be too busy getting ready to be able to do it on time. It’s weird relinquishing control on something so precious to him, but it’s in good hands.

 

“Meri – Jaan, Lia loves with all her heart. She knows you’re here to stay. It’s her little way of telling you she approves.”  Liam kisses his head. “I love you both so much, it’s a little terrifying.”

 

“We’re just going with it yeah.” Liam pulls at his hair, disagreeing. “We’re not. We’re going to make sure we never stop trying at make this work.”

 

“Babe, this isn’t work, this is establishing something that’s going to last.”

 

“Forever, no matter what might happen?”

 

“Forever.” He says slowly, as he feels Liam tying off his tale lifting. When he stands up, Liam pulls him onto his lap and hands him his glass which he presses to his lips and downs Liam’s laughing. “Guess you’re stuck with me for the rest of your life then.”

 

He doesn’t reply, inches forward to close the gap between their mouths. Tastes the same Pinot Grigio that lingers on his lips and breathes.

 

As his eyes peer onto the horizon, the sea goes out of view as his eyes fall on his little girl, asleep on the sand just beneath the decking. Her toes are still dug deep down from where she was playing after dinner. Her hair is a mess but she’s got this brilliant smile on her face which tells him exactly what he needs to know.

 

He had no idea how much he needed something like this. And not the holiday on a whim, but the chance to let himself fall for someone seen as unconventional and often _offlimits_. Someone he met at a children’s park hiding his existence from the world because he feels he owes them something all the time, but he doesn’t.

 

Liam falling into his life so unexpectedly has changed him, and he only sees that now that he’s had time to catch his breath.

 

And as his gaze meets Liam’s, his face only lit up from the far away full moon, his eyes in the dark but close enough to see them burning gold. And when Liam pulls him closer so that he lands on his lap, with a giggle and a laugh but they both know it’s so much more.

 

Zayn, in that moment he realises, he’s so much more than just _happy._

 

*

“I need you to fuck me.” It’s three in the morning and he’s not sure he’s heard Liam right. “Whaaa.” His speech is slurring because he was already half asleep before he hearing Liam trying desperately to keep his moans down. “Liam, fucking hell darling.”

 

He grunts in response. Grabs Zayn’s hip and flattens him on the bed. Zayn’s not even got time to readjust to the new position because Liam’s climbing on top of him to switch on the shade. It’s his turn to make noises, because he likes his sleep ok.

  
“Turn that thing off.” He screeches angrily, it’s quiet though, because he’s aware Aalia is asleep next door. “No.” Liam pouts.

 

“Liam, you’re the one being bratty now.” He spills out as he grabs a pillow to cover his stinging eyes.

 

Liam laughs. “Says the one that’s faking sleep.”

 

“Uh, no I wasn’t faking it thank you. I was just wilfully ignoring you trying to get off.”

 

He feels Liam lick his collarbone, dips his head down to get onto his right nipple before he tilts back up to kiss at his mouth. “You’re not gonna get anywhere if you don’t stop that.”

  
“Stop what exactly.” It’s cocky. It’s new.

 

“Where did you find your sass Mr Payne.” He laughs, still refusing to look down at him spacing out the contour of his being.

 

“Down at the beach, sometime between twelve and two.”

  
“Funny, very funny.”

 

“What, you love me really.”

 

“I do, but not at three in the fucking morning.” Zayn’s laughing though, grabbing hold of Liam’s head and slamming it  down to kiss him.

 

Zayn’s found his purpose now.

 

“Get naked. The fact you want me to get you off is ridiculously cute.”  He’s finally throwing in the towel. Getting off the very comfortable bed to get them lube and condoms.

 

Which Liam made him carry in his wash bag because he got all red and embarrassed when he had openly thrown them on the bed to pack at home.

 

Them sitting in the third floor medicine cabinet, wouldn’t have done them much good, albeit Liam’s protests that he’s just shy about his family finding them.

 

He hears Liam shuffling, slipping out of his very tight boxers whilst he goes in search of the luggage they hadn’t even brought upstairs yet. He shakes his head in the dark because he can’t believe he’s given up his sleep for such an escapade.

 

As he wonders back up to their room, he quickly checks on Aalia, smiling as he moves the Romanov doll off the floor and next to her again.

 

“What on God’s earth took you so long.” Liam’s sighing as he finally makes it back to him. He locks the door for good measure.

 

“I see you remembered last times rules.”

 

He watches Liam’s cheeks tinge pink. “Yeah well, I don’t want to pay any more than I have too.”

 

“Oh trust me jaan, I’m not about to let you sleep after this.” Liam moans. He snickers. “Stop that, you’re the one that brought in on yourself.” Liam nods. “Now open up.” Zayn directs.

 

Liam’s legs fall apart a little haphazardly. He’s learnt from last time to not touch himself but he can see he’s getting a little bit angsty.

 

Zayn ignores his dick entirely, nuzzles slightly at his unkempt hair around his balls and instead reaches his tongue into Liam’s arse.

 

“Have you seriously just showered.” He says loudly a little bit in shock. Liam whines. “Stop speaking and start fucking.”

 

He chuckles, “Did you find God whilst you were running today.” Liam puffs out mildly irritated that Zayn’s not getting on with it. “Yeah you.” He retorts, “Now PLEASE, do something.”

 

He climbs up Liam’s body to press a kiss to his lips. The temptation is to sit on his dick, but that wasn’t Liam’s request in the first place so he holds himself up uttering a _sorry_ before moving back down to where he needed to be.

 

This time, he shoves his own boxers down past his knees before latching onto Liam’s little hole again. Two of his fingers find their way up to Liam’s mouth, whilst ordering a small _suck_ against his thighs. He can feel himself hardening, dreads to think what a sight they will leave on the sheets in the morning.

 

His right hand starts working on relieving a little bit of the pressure on Liam’s dick. As he strokes, Liam keens and by the time he’s able to push in both his fingers into Liam’s tightness he’s sure he’s going to make Liam come more than once tonight.

 

It’s when he pulls back, grabs the condom and flings it at Liam’s head. He climbs up onto Liam’s shoulders and sits there. Liam immediately takes him in his mouth when Zayn fixes the pillows so that he could stretch his back out.  

 

He allows Liam the freedom of rolling the condom down on him. Hands resting at Liam’s ears as he does so.

 

“Please,” Liam’s pleading, “No more teasing.” He smiles, he loves that he can shatter this man beneath his touch sometimes.

 

His fingers go to find the lube he’d thrown onto the bed somewhere. When he does, he’s uncapping the bottle and generously spreading it over himself and Liam, who shifts his legs apart even further.

 

It allows Zayn to grab one of his hipbones with one hand, and his own dick with his other one, gently guiding his head to Liam’s opening.

 

“Ready?”

 

Liam grabs at his cheeks and nods. Zayn brings him flat on his back before he moves any further. He’s watching as Liam’s face goes red with pressure and his hands are grabbing out to find his. It’s benign. He doesn’t want to push him to hard. “Sorry,” Liam’s saying, “Been years.” Zayn just shakes his head, because now is not the time and leans in all the way to kiss him. “It’s ok love, we have all the time in the world.”

 

When he bottoms out he stops for a second to let Liam breathe. But then he’s pushing up into him slowly, letting Zayn pick up the pace. After a while Liam’s hands drop off and he’s fisting into the sheets in a bid to not touch himself. Zayn’s grip on his hips goes white at the sight, making him grab Liam’s dick, this time with the intent to make him come. He smiles a little when Liam’s legs jut out in spasm, his back arches to take him in further whilst his eyes are falling shut. As come hits his neck, he’s spurting into the condom so hard his head falls onto into the pillow.

 

He feels Liam’s fingers brush up slowly over the knobs of his spine, finding a spot to hide between his hair.

 

“Can’t believe you sometimes.” He hears when they’ve got their breathes back.

 

“Can’t believe what jaan?”

 

“I like it when you tell me what to do.”

 

Zayn laughs. “Really now.” He whispers as he sits up to pull out. “I’ll remember that one.” He chuckles as he moves to wrap the condom up in tissue paper.

 

“It’s true!” Liam’s continuing, his arm coming up to hide his embarrassment. Zayn comes closer, climbs over Liam again and moves his arm away by the elbow. “See I like it when I bottom for you. That happened today because I was mad you woke me up wanking.”

 

Liam smirks, “You loved it really.”

 

“Maybe.” He chuckles. “Now come on,” He says grabbing Liam’s fingers, “I want to skinny dip in the dark.”

 

It’s Liam’s turn to laugh. “Of course you do.” He replies as they’re running through the house and straight into the darkened out sea.

 

When Liam picks him up by the thighs and runs them into the shoreline. He whispers _Happy Birthday Baby_ into Liam’s ear much to his delight.

 

“I love you.”

 

*

 

The week passes just like that, laughing between kisses, exploring each other till they are both totally fucked out for the day.

 

They visit the capital more than once. It’s grid like structure has him sketching it profusely. With its gargoyles statuettes at the corner of buildings to the impressive Co – cathedral that houses some of Caravaggio’s best work. He’s in awe. And whilst Aalia isn’t too fond of the heat, she’s not ever complained once because she knows he’ll ask for pictures if she does and she loathes those.

 

They’re sat at dinner now, Fontanella in Mdina, referred to locally as the Silent City. With its own set of cobbled streets, the old world charm he felt the moment he landed was back. No cars are allowed here, licences for bars are never issued and each closed off wooden balcony is a different colour, house to house. They passed one street were Aalia was able to count twenty-three different colours with matching door. If he had the chance to choose where to live in the world, this tiny hidden town on a hill encased and protected by beautifully restored citadels would be his number one spot.

 

He’s brought back from his reverie when Liam’s put a hand on his thigh, whilst leaning in closer to whisper in his ear. “Darling, do you want tiramisu?” For the first time he notices the waiter standing at the side waiting for him to answer. “Please.” He smiles at Liam.

 

“Three please, and two black coffees.” Liam’s ordering.

 

“Any Amaretto?” Liam looks at him with confusion, so Zayn replies, “Please, make that two shots each in the big glass.”

 

He’s laughing as Liam’s looking at him perplexed. “I swear I told you I lived in Italy for a semester.” Liam nods. “Yeah but you know your liqueurs.”

 

“It’s only because my roommate was obsessed with after dinner amaretto.” Liam leans in for a kiss. “I swear I learn something new from you every day.” He whispers. Zayn pulls away, aware of the clutter of the people around them. Liam’s not been spotted yet but some things are meant to be kept private.

 

“Beti, darling.” He calls out. She’s sat on the floor with some children. They’re counting the cars going by at the bottom of the hill they’re on. The sloping citadels provide excellent view points of the setting sun. He’s watching as churches are starting to light up.

 

They’ve been told its feast season. Malta’s quaintness means most people still lead old world lives. While the population is growing with foreign immigrants the Maltese are slowly legitimising, the country is ninety-five percent Roman Catholic, and they celebrate the fact heavily.

 

It was brilliant if he were honest. A spectacle of sorts. There are fireworks going off in the back ground and people are taking pictures immortalising these summer moments forever. The air up here is clean, almost pure. Like this old capital is a time capsule. It does feel like you’ve walked into the past when you cross the bridge into the fortress. It even used to have a moat protecting it, now transformed into a park.

 

They spent a glorious day finding out the nooks and crannies.

 

He watches now as she comes to them, sits up on Liam’s knee and smiles. “It’s so pretty here.”

 

“Beti, can you and Liam sit in for a picture pretty please?”

 

She pouts a little, “But Baba –”

 

“Aalia, none of the I’m not pretty nonsense again, I don’t care what Michaela says.”

 

Liam sighs, this has been an ongoing battle since she realised she’s now got a scar on her tummy for life. Her darker tan used to be an issue till he showed her Neelam Gill. It’s a thing with his Beti, something he knows he’s going to be dealing with for the next of the foreseeable future.

 

“Monkey, have you looked at your Baba?” He whispers smiling down at her. “There is no way anyone on this planet can tell you, you aren’t pretty when you came from that man.” This makes her smile. “Plus,” He chuckles, “You’ve got abs that rival mine.” He says tickling her tummy slightly. “Listen and remember this, you got into one of the best schools in the country and you’re about to start conditioning for Pointe, after a bit of break no doubt. You’re grade three piano and you’re fluent in three languages. What does Michaela do?” He waits for her to reply.

 

“She rides horses?” Liam smiles but shakes his head, “No Beti, she makes other little girls feel bad just because she doesn’t like what they can do.”

  

“You really think that?”

 

“I know that.” Liam says with finality. As he’s watching the exchange he’s left in awe at the way Liam treats her. His gentry is a little too amazing.

 

“Baba, think I’m ready for the picture now.” She laughs looking back at him.

 

Liam stands up with her still in his arms. She presses a kiss to his cheek for one and blows him a kiss for another. Later when he checks the pictures he realises he’s caught the sky turn from a soft gold to a husky pink blue. When the waiter comes back, he asks them if they would all like a picture together. They say yes and they capture one of those moments where they’re both holding her up, her arms around both of them, whilst her hair is mostly flapping in the soft breeze that’s picked up due to the setting of the sun.

 

This is a moment in time he’ll cherish forever.

 

*

“I like your tan.” It’s Liam, running his fingers down his arm. They’re on the plane home, this time taking Liam’s much loved private jet because he wasn’t in the mood for another round of silly bickering. Zayn smiles up at him. “I like yours too.”

 

“Don’t avoid the compliment. You did it in Mdina too.”

 

“I just don’t see the fuss that’s all.”

 

“Jaan, believe me when I say you’re gorgeous.” He can feel himself blush. He really does hate compliments. “That’s my boy.” Liam’s laughing. “Thank you. Happy now?”

 

“Yes very.” Liam chuckles. It’s when he lifts his head up to find Liam. He finds she’s set up her colouring book on the floor and is far too happy lost in her world again.

 

He takes Liam’s hand and lifts his fingers up to his mouth. “Ten months today Jaan.” He breathes, just audible.

 

“I know, feels like forever though.” Zayn lightly bites onto Liam’s ring finger, leaving teeth marks behind. “You like that aesthetic?”

 

“Maybe.”

 

*

It’s the last few days of August now. They’ve had just arrived back from the tailor. Aalia’s uniform was measured out and will be dropped off in the next few days. Both he and she start school on the first of September, he can’t believe how fast they summer had gone by.

 

In the post he finds his FreePrints envelop. When he opens it, large versions of some of the pictures they took in Malta fall out. Including the one they took at Mdina. He digs out the white frame he found at the thrift store the other day and slots it perfectly inside, placing it with the other two frames in the conservatory.

 

A little bit of a surprise for when Liam comes back from work. “Beti,” He calls out. “Biryani tonight?” He asks as she walks back into the kitchen. She jumps up on the counter and nods her head. Watches as she flexes her toes, noticing she’s got her canvas training shoes on. “You were going to stretch out?” He asks grabbing her left leg. She nods. “This new class means I have to every day.” She explains.

 

“You want to be in right?” He asks as he starts his curry.

 

“Yes, I’m the littlest though.”

 

“Youngest.”

 

“I’m the youngest though.” She corrects and repeats. “I’m gonna go stretch in the living room ok?” She leans up to press a kiss to his cheek and then she’s off, just about pirouetting her way down the hall.

 

After a bit, the phone rings. It’s someone from management. “Mr Malik, I have a call from a woman stating she knows you.” Instantly his heart drops. He knows who it is.

 

“Did she say her name is Hasina?”

 

“Something like that.” He’s about to panic but refuses to.

 

“Patch her in.”

 

“Yes Mr Malik.” And the line goes dead.

*

 

“Zayn, is it finally you for goodness sake.” He sighs, not exactly what he wanted to hear.

 

“Can I help you?”

 

“Oh why do you have to be so cold.”

 

“Please stop talking like you actually know me.”

 

“But I do, don’t I?”

 

“Maybe six years ago.” He huffs out, “But not now.”

 

She laughs hollowly. “You’re right there. Who would have thought you out of all people would shack up with a celebrity.” He hears Aalia pick up the other wireless, at this point he’d rather hear what they’re saying.

 

“Because what exactly, you running off and marrying in Pakistan after a month is perfectly ok in your head I’m guessing? At least I waited five years.”

 

“Boo hoo, let’s give you the medal of the father of the year award.”

 

“Why did you call Hasina? Because I seriously don’t have the time.”

 

“Doing what, fucking him senseless.” At this point he’s regretting not telling Aalia off for picking up the phone, he’s just praying he still can explain this away.

 

“I’m cooking dinner, because you know, that’s what actual parents do.”

 

“Oh I know love.”

 

“Don’t call me love.”

 

“What do you prefer then, Meri – Jaan? You used to call me that.”

  
He ignores that, “Why did you call?”

 

“I want full custody.”

 

Now he’s angry. “That isn’t happening.”

 

“I’ll take you to court.”

 

“Listen, because I seriously am not about to pander to you. You have never called her name, heard her speak, watched her laugh, cry, dance, play, been there to watch her take her first steps and more recently take the lead in her dance recital.  For goodness sake you lost it all and now you’re telling me you want full custody. Please I’m not that stupid, tell me what this is really about.”

 

“The boyfriend. I don’t like the boyfriend.”

 

“Ah that’s better. You know, his name is Liam and he treats her in a more benign manner than you ever did.”

 

“It’s still wrong what you’re doing.”

 

“What.” It’s Aalia and he can tell she’s not impressed. “Falling in love, because you seriously don’t know what you’re even on about.”

 

“Aalia?”

 

“Hasina?”

 

“How do you know that?”

 

“Baba’s told me about you.”

 

She laughs. “Baba, brill Zayn, next you’re going to tell me she speaks Urdu.”

 

“And Hindi, thank you very much, and just so you know Mr Liam is the only person my Baba has ever loved after you. I won’t let you take that away from him.” Aalia, like him, hates being talked over like she doesn’t understand what’s going on.

 

“You’re still a child.”

 

“And you’re still the parent that couldn’t take care of me.” He hates that she’s so articulate sometimes.

 

“You have half-sisters now.”

 

“And do you think I really care? You chose someone else over my Baba. You don’t get to pick when you want me in your life.”

  
“Why do you talk like you’re twelve.”

 

“I don’t know.” She drawls out now obviously tired out with the conversation with her mother. “Must be my Baba doing something good.” He smiles at that.

 

 

“Hasina,” He asserts this time drawing the attention back to him, “You’ve been out of our lives since she was three weeks old. You’re here because everyone with a brain and a set of functioning eyes can see who I’m dating. You’re not getting jack shit just because of who he is.”

 

“I’m going to damn well try.”

 

“You do that, at the end of the day, I’m the one that can afford to send her to private school and extra tutorage lessons to get her into one of the top secondary schools in London. You’re the one still on the estate down Bradford trying to figure out how to feed your kids not me.”

 

“I hate you.”

 

“Likewise, but you know I’m just being honest. Oh just so you know, I will not let this number be let through again.”

 

Before she has time to reply, Aalia hangs up on her and comes running back into the kitchen jumping into his arms. “Please never make me go with her.”

 

“Aalia, she can never touch you, she just needs time to adjust to the idea that what she left poor and broke is now doing better than she could ever do.” Aalia hugs him tighter and whispers in his ear,

 

“Baba, can I see a picture of her?”

 

“Yes Beti of course.” He drops a kiss to her cheek and walks in the kennels where the last of his unpacked boxes linger. One is marked _pictures,_ he grabs it goes back to the bar, settling her down and turning to turn the pan onto low.

 

In the meantime, she grabs a handful of pictures and spreads them around.

 

“She’s very pretty.”

 

“I know Beti. It’s why I don’t like it when you say you aren’t because there is no way you can’t not be.”

 

“How much did you love her?”

 

“A lot, for a very long time as well.”

 

“Till you met Liam?”

 

“Yes.”

 

That makes her tilt up to press a kiss to his cheek. He leans on the counter and starts telling her about the woman that cared for her so much but was never able to love her.

“I’m glad we found Daddy.” He smiles.

“You like calling him that don’t you.”

She giggles. “It makes us a family.”

“And you want that? Having two Baba’s?”

“It just means twice the cuddles and kisses.” She says almost absentmindedly sifting through the more pictures.

When Liam comes home they sit down to discuss the possibility of Hasina bringing him to court but then the telephone rings late at night and Liam leaves him to answer.

“They’ve made it go away.” He says as he drops back down onto the sofa. “What do you mean?”

“All she ordered was ten k to get her out of social housing and into private rent.”

“What happens when that runs out.” Liam smiles. “Not our problem. She can’t contact you again, it’s why NDA’s exist. He breaths in relief as Liam pulls him into his chest.

“Is this what they mean I’d also get protection.”

“Yes.” He hears as a kiss is being dropped in his hair.

“God damn I love you.” Liam chuckles. “Me too Jaan, me too.”

*

They celebrate their first year together through a small low-key affair only meant for family and friends. They spend the day explaining over and over where they are going and what they’re planning to do. Whilst Zayn’s at work, Liam’s busy wrapping up another album, but when October half term, he doesn’t even give his boys homework other than revision to make sure he’s not drowned with marking.

His mum comes down with Waliyha in tow. She shyly tells him she’s transferring down from Bradford to Roehampton University where she’ll continue working on her Law degree after Christmas, much to Niall’s joy and amusement.

Later his Ammi finds him bathing Lia after a hard training session, closes the door and sits on the loo.

“Geoff got us a place in Wolves we’re moving into in December. I was hoping Waliyha could stay here until we can get her into halls next year.” He nods his head, that was never going to be a problem, they have enough beds after all.

“Karen and Geoff have been amazing to you haven’t they.” He comments instead smiling.

“They have Beta. I’m so glad we have them in our lives.”

“Tell her about Hasina.” Lia interjected. He rolls his eyes at her because he didn’t really want to hell his Ammi.

“What happened Zayn.” She whispers, her eyes glazing with worry almost instantly. He sighs, swaps over her legs and starts stretching out the second one. Pointing the toes then flexing them.

“She called and threatened me with wanting full custody. Liam’s team sorted it out for us. She just wanted cash.”

“Your Baba was right about one thing in all his years. He never trusted that girl one bit.”

Zayn shrugs, he could give him that he measures.

“What’s Don doing?” His Ammi smiles at that like she’s been waiting for the question. “She finally told me she has a boyfriend. She’s been with him for three years, and he’s been begging her to move in for the last two. So she’s going to finally.” He’s happy that all of them are finally sharing these parts of themselves with their mother.

“Saf starts year nine in the same school Liam went too. She’s the only one a little bit confused with it all but she’ll adapt I guess.”

“She will.” He smiles pulling Aalia out of the bath and straight onto his lap so that she doesn’t have to stand on her feet. His mother laughs as he dries her off and starts plaiting her hair, mimicking his own French plait down his own mane.

When they put her to bed, Liam takes over for the usual comic book drama he puts up for her. His mum disappears to catch up with Karen while he goes in search of Louis and Freddie. Who they all met earlier in the day. Cute and cuddly, exactly like his father.

He finds him and Niall in the library because it’s quiet and they can feed. When Louis sees him, Zayn smiles and makes grabby hands at Freddie. He waits for Zayn to sit at the oak table in the middle before he hands him over giving Zayn the bottle as well. Zayn feeding is making him broody he can’t even lie.

“It’s been ages since it’s been just the three of us.” Niall says saying. “A lot of things have changed haven’t they.”

Louis’ leaning into Niall, hands going round his waist, smiling fondly. “Yeah but none of us would change a thing.” 

“You’re right.” He says looking up as he empties the last of the bottle and hands it to Niall. He grabs the bib off Louis’ lap and lays it over his shoulder so that he’s able to burp him.

“No lie.” He hears Liam’s voice say. “You doing that is kinda really hot.” Zayn shifts so that he’s looking at the door. Liam’s leaning against the door frame watching them. He’s smiling as he’s walking up to them. Presses a kiss to Zayn’s forehead and sits down next to him, Niall graciously moving to accommodate.

“Don’t get broody.” Louis laughs, “So much work.” He says shaking his head.

Liam looks at him, “Maybe soon?”

“Nope,” Niall says, “Not till you’re married.” That makes them look at each other smiling. “Oh Niall look what you’ve done. He can hear Louis saying.

“Now that’s something we can work towards?” Liam whispers. He nods his head leans in to kiss him, ignoring the childish noises coming from the two idiots he calls his best friends.

When he pulls back, Louis takes Freddie from him, climbs off the table and takes the sleepy baby straight to his pram. “I need to drop him off at his nan’s tonight. So I need to head off lads.”

“Look at little Louis being all responsible.” Niall laughs but gets up to help him. “You know,” Louis tells him pensively. “I’m going to be just as bad as you are Horan when you have kids.” Niall snorts in response.

As they leave, they leave both of them with pecks to the cheeks and lingering smiles.  HAPPY ONE YEAR YOU IDIOTS IN LOVE. Louis screams as he jumps down the stairs.

“One thing,” He starts when it’s quiet. “If we do get married or engaged, we need to live in a house I can afford to have.”

Liam’s eyebrows scrunch up, confused. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I want a house I could get a mortgage on and pay half my share now that my pay qualifies for one.”

“Are you sure you need that?” Liam says quietly, fingers finding each other. “I’m sure.” He smiles, leaning into him expecting a kiss. Liam obliges.

That night when they make love it isn’t heated or rushed. They simply take the time to celebrate their milestone. It’s only when they’re lying together post coital that Liam leans into his ear and whispers a tiny, _all I want to do is make you happy, so we’ll start looking for the house of your dreams ok?”_ He shudders, he’s realising the heating must have turned off at some point because he can thoroughly feel the cold October air. He feels Liam move away for a minute before he’s coming back with a warm wash cloth and several layers of folded clothes.

“I can do it Meri – Jaan.” He breathes out sitting up. But Liam ignores him, parts his legs and cleans him off before starting to dress him piece by piece. When Liam finally joins him, dressed himself Zayn leans into his chest, breathing in the faint smell of the fresh Lenor.

He’s falls asleep to the beat of Liam’s heartbeat, one he’s sure now, for the first time in year Liam’s never going anywhere.

*  

They fall into February just like that. Late at night Liam starts recording upstairs and he settles in the library with his marking. Tonight though he’d decided to take the night off. Climbs up to the studio to the surprise of everyone in there sits at the back just enjoying the atmosphere. Liam doesn’t notice him at first, too busy trying to not fumble at his lines but someone at the front, knocks on the glass that separated them, pointing at him. He watches as Liam’s lips lift into a smile, his fingers coming up over his chest to form a heart. Everyone coos and he laughs.

They’re utterly atrocious at not spreading the love around.

They go to bed gone half five in the morning, it’s clumsy and lazy and he forgets about his prayers for the night. Somewhere in the haze of sleep and dreams, he gets an idea.

*

The next day whilst Liam is out and Aalia is at training. He calls Liam’s producer. He was at photoshoot Zayn refuses to be on set for because he might just fuck Liam in the middle of the room, so both of them know it’s better to stay away.

Malay picks up the phone within two rings which makes Zayn’s nerves skyrocket.

“Hi, who is it?”

“Um it’s Zayn.”

He can hear the man on the other side chuckle. “Yeah mate, what can I do for you?”

“Are you free this morning? I need to run something by you?”

“How about I’ll run up to your place in half an hour.”

“Thanks, see you.”

He spends the time trying to distract himself, plays around with the words in his head to see in which order they’d come out just right. He’s only drawn out of his bubble when the doorbell goes off. When he lets Malay in. He feels a sigh of relief when he sees he’s got his computers.

“Thank you for coming so quick.”

“Nahh, tell me what do you need.”

“I wrote a little verse in Urdu, was kinda hoping we could find some kind of backing that suits it.”

He watches as Malay’s face lights up smiling. “You write?” He nods. “I’ve got my first book coming out this summer, but this is a little different.” Malay grabs his things and leads them up to the studio. As he’s setting up, Zayn hands him his very special piece of scrap paper over.

 

جب تک اس محبت کا پھول نہ کھلے ؛ تب تک اس دل کو سکون نہ ملے

دل دے ہے مجھے, دل دے ہے مجھے, دل دے ہے مجھے

 

He’s smiling but his eyebrows meet his hair line shaking his head, then laughs, “You’re gonna have to say it. I’m afraid this doesn’t make sense for him.”

Zayn laughs, slightly embarrassed about the entire thing if he had to be honest.

“It says, _Jab tak is mohabbat ka phool na khilay, Tab tak is dill ko sukoon na miley_

_Dil day mujhe...”_

 

“And in English?”

 

“Until the flower of this love has blossomed, this heart won't be at peace, give me your heart...” Now he sees the alarms going off in the man’s head. He’s shaking his head smiling. “He’s gonna kill both of us when you give him this.”

Zayn breathes out, relieved that he’s not made a fool of himself.

“Sorry if it’s too cheesy.”

But Malay just shakes his head points him in the direction of the booth and smiles. “Get in there, can you sing?” He nods, it’s one part of himself only Aalia knows about but his Ammi had put him through twelve years of choir. He most can definitely hold a note together.

“How does a sitar sound for you?”

“Can we try both acoustic and the sitar?” Malay smiles, “How about we intertwine them?” Zayn nods and Malay is heading into the studio himself he can hear a recorded sound of a sitar filling the booth whilst Malay starts playing the acoustic. “When you like something you hear and you want to give it a go, move your finger yeah? We’re already recording.” He breathes in, suddenly nerves are gone, because he’s doing exactly what he’s had in his head all morning. They play about with the sound for a good three hours, finally coming up with a soft a hundred and four second song Zayn’s utterly in love with. It’s symphonic, almost prayer like in structure, it’s a small interlude into something bigger, and that’s just it really. He’s found a way to show Liam how much he loves him through the only language he really could communicate with.

_Music._

“You know, when we all got told about you most people wrote you off as a pretty face that got lucky.” Malay is saying to him as they’re lighting up a smoke on the balcony. He had a suspicion really, because people are always nice to your face but complete bastards the minute you leave the room.

He shrugs, “I know, never really will care enough to get upset over it.” Malay smiles. “He’ll push us to put it on the album you know.” He shakes his head.

“Nahh it’s just something silly for Valentine’s.”

“You’d like to believe that. I didn’t believe him when he said that this is it for both of you, because he’s not exactly at a stage where he can fall off the face of this planet and people would just accept it. But after today, I will personally step in any time something goes wrong for the rest of our natural lives. You’re both as disgusting as each other thank you.”

He’s laughing, because even people he doesn’t really know him, just know Liam are starting to approve of him.

“See you at the Grammy’s.” Malay calls as he leaves him with a burned CD and a tug of his hair.

The Grammy’s are in two weeks, a day after Valentine’s day, he’d be mad to not be excited for it.

*

“Ah what the fuck jaan.” Liam’s groaning coming out of his dazed state. He’d been asleep and in all fairness they _did_ go to bed a few hours earlier, but now he just wants to sit on Liam, ok.

They’d flew to America a couple of days before, leaving Aalia under the care of both his Ammi and Karen coming down from Wolves to accommodate their trip. He’d waited until just past midnight, but he’s getting angsty because he just needs more.

Liam pulls him up from his spot round his dick and kisses him. “No, you don’t get to do that.” He laughs, handing coming up tugging at Zayn’s hair. “I do what I please Meri – jaan.” He smirks happily as Liam flips them over. “You know the more we do this, the more I come to understand how much you fucking love to wake me up in the middle of the night for sex.”

“Excuse me, who’s the one that was begging for it last summer. You started it darling, now get off, I have a job to do.”

Liam tries to laugh, but it somehow turns into a twisted turned on moan. “I hate you,” He stops for a minute to smirk, “And your thick beard between my legs.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He laughs as he shimmies down to now Liam’s hanging dick. Because as if.

“Didn’t know I liked this aesthetic as well.” He groans out, hands finding Liam’s bare arse cheeks and pushing him down into his open mouth. Liam takes the hint, slowly but surely starts fucking his face, Zayn’s eyes rolling closed when he hits the back of his throat. From the heat alone, he knows Liam won’t last long as he picks up his pace. His own fingers find his dick, smoothly picking up and matching with Liam. He’s sputtering down his throat one minute. The next he’s climbing down Zayn’s body, pulling off his boxers and swallowing him down. Liam almost ravishing in the new found confidence they both have with each other, because they’ve spent months perfecting their crafts.

“Fuck me.” He cries. Holding Liam’s head back trying desperately to not come.

“Babe, you’re not stretched enough.”

“Nope, but I need you.”

“Ok.” Liam laughs, “Who’s begging for it now.”

“Fuck off.” He bites back. “They’re in your wash bag this time.”

“How the fuck are you even talking straight.”  Liam’s saying coming up to bite at his lip before getting off him completely. The loss of heat is a little bit terrifying.

“Come back. Jack. Jack, where are you come back.” It’s a bit of a silly joke that could go wrong, but he can hear Liam laughing from the other room, so it went well.

“When you’re done quoting me Titanic,” He hears Liam hush out, “I will get on the bed.”

“Stop teasing.” He says, his eyes are smiling and his throat is a little bit dry, but it’s all worth it when he sees the expression of Liam’s face.

“Go without today.” Zayn points at the condom.

Liam’s about to panic. “I know you’re clean.” Zayn says coolly. “You have a tendency to leave your stuff everywhere and I’m the one cleaning up after you.”

Liam faux glares at him but comes closer. “I only checked to make sure I wasn’t carrying from the other two.”

“It’s been years though?”

“Yeah, but better safe than sorry.”

“More fucking, less talk.” He smiles, grabbing and slamming Liam’s lips down on him.

“Are you sure.” Liam says more quietly, when they’ve spent a good half an hour playing about with each other’s pressure points, getting both of them wet to the point of pain before they wanted to do anything about that fact.

“Yes.” He smiles, kissing up at Liam more softly now. He’s still a little in love with the moments in between the big ones.

He braces for the pressure as Liam bottoms out. Slow as ever, making sure he’s not hurting Zayn. It should frustrate him, but in all honesty, it just adds to his sense of stability.

He fists up the sheets as Liam slowly quickens his pace. Liam moves his legs so that Zayn’s laying on his side, hands in his hair, head scrunched up against the pillow. He’s having trouble breathing because he’s never had Liam in so deep before but these are the things that don’t really matter, because Liam’s coming down over him to whisper _Happy Valentine’s day baby_. He’s so caught up in the moment he doesn’t realise Liam’s come till he feels it dripping out his hole.

He’s not fallen onto the bed exhausted though, he taking Zayn’s hard length into his mouth moving his legs apart, working at his balls, tongue licking at his hole. The sensations all at once have him seeing stars in seconds. Only then does Liam come up to catch his breathe.

“We’re getting better.” He heaves. Zayn nods. “I know.” Kissing him, tasting his own come on Liam’s tongue.

“Shower?” Liam suggests after a little bit. He nods but he’s not in any position to move. Liam just shakes his head laughing and picks up so swiftly Zayn swears he stopped breathing for a minute.

Liam sits him down on the plush sink of the hotel room and starts running a bath. Zayn shifts so that he’s sitting on his legs, because any other way is too uncomfortable for now. After a few moments he gets the idea of sharing his gift now.

He moves slowly out of the bathroom, sore as hell, in search on his phone, because Louis was able to download the song so that he’s able to play it to him anywhere. Even if he got an earful of coos from both him and Niall, making them promise to not tell Liam, was worth it.

Liam wonders out after him after closing the tap. They’re both stark naked in some fancy American suite both threading on new pieces of glass with every turn. Liam’s first Grammy’s as a gay man with a stable boyfriend, and Zayn trying to deal with Liam’s fancy world as best as he could but would move mountains to watch his man succeed.

“Jaan what are you doing?”

He turns around and walks up to him, presses a hand to his hip, leaning in to kiss him before he does share. “Don’t kill me.”

And he presses play.

He watches Liam’s confusion turn into utter shock.

His eyes dilate and his head tilts down to rest on Zayn’s shoulder. Liam actually starts moving them round in time to Malay’s brilliant melody.

When it stops, “No wait, I need more.” Is all Liam has to say before he’s laughing so hard he had to run back into the light of the bathroom to see Liam’s face in full light.

“Wait no, Zayn, explain.” He hears, “Is that you?” He nods his head and Liam kisses him. “What do you say?”

_Jab tak is mohabbat ka phool na khilay, tab tak is dill ko sukoon na miley_

_Dil day mujhe..._

He obliges.

“It means, Until the flower of this love has blossomed this, this heart won't be at peace, give me your heart... Happy Valentine’s.”

He translates softly, his eyes sliding shut a little bit flustered with the entire situation. He feels Liam clutching at the small of his back, hands coming up flat against it so that he’s able to pull him in. Then they’re moving back down to push him up into his arms, Zayn’s ankles locking in place over Liam’s thighs. “I can’t believe you.” Liam whispers. Lips brushing over his, “What is it? _it’s gorgeous_.”

“It’s _raag_.” He breathes back, smiling that he’s liked it. Liam inhales, closes his eyes and he hears a small, _I don’t deserve you_. Zayn shakes his head. “It’s _you_ I don’t deserve.” He speaks louder, pressing gentle kisses over Liam’s shoulder. Liam slowly lifts him up and drops him into the bath, leaving him with a small kiss to his temple as he runs out of the room. Only coming back with a small red box in tow.

Zayn’s about to stiffen, but Liam notices, grabs hold of his shoulder and quietens him down with a kiss. “It’s not a ring don’t worry.”

He adores that they can have conversations with their eyes now.

When he does pop the box open, it’s a gold Cartier love bracelet. Which Liam fastens onto his hand with a little screw driver that sits on a necklace. It instantly goes round his neck as he drops the box and also gets into the bath.

“It’s a commitment bracelet. I got one made for Beti too. I just wanted to show you my appreciation because you don’t let me buy you gifts, but this is enough to constantly remind you how much I do love you. Plus,” Liam’s smile is reaching his eyes, “You can’t take it off, ever.” He says cheekily leaning in for a kiss.

Later when Liam’s fast asleep and he’s up for Salat, he googles Cartier and just about has a heart attack. He can’t believe Liam sometimes.

*

_The newly formed partnership of Liam Payne and Zayn Malik breaks the Grammy’s._

_Liam Payne and his beau Zayn Malik sizzle at the 2017 Grammy Awards._

_Zayn Malik’s is Liam Payne’s hot date for tonight. Top of the Best Dressed List._

_Liam Payne and his boyfriend leave everyone in awe at their style, grace and love on this year’s Grammy carpet._

They’re sat reading the articles. Giggling like idiots because they know they done good. Liam had leaned to press his cheek in the middle of the paparazzi photo and the world kind of exploded after that.

“Look at this one!” Liam says before he starts reading out loud. “Stunner Zayn Malik, makes his first debut on the red carpet with boyfriend three time Grammy award winner Liam Payne.” He laughs.

“Stunner? Really?”

“Jaan it’s true though.” Liam pouts. “Maybe, but only you get to say it darling.” He smiles leaning in for a kiss.

“What happens next year when we’re married.” Liam’s mouth forms the words before he really thinks it through. Instantly the agitation in on his face is palpable.

“Do you really think that?” He grins. Liam nods and moves closer to him, slipping between Zayn’s legs forgetting about the papers instantly. Zayn in turn grabs at his shoulders, hands caressing down over his muscles to rest on his ribcage.

“I know you don’t like gifts so I couldn’t bring myself to get you anything you could take off.” He starts, playing with his Cartier. “So instead, I got us matching bracelets. It’s going to be hard with your book coming out soon and my album, but this time next year I really do want to be at a stage where if we aren’t there yet, we’re half a mile away from the finish line.”

He presses a kiss to Liam’s ever growing hair. “How have you always been so sure that this is it for you?”

“You arrived when I needed you the most even if I didn’t know it. Everything has gotten a hundred times better with you around me.”

“You do realise you fell for the boy from the poorest estate in the country right?”

“I do, and I love you more for it, just because you’ve worked so hard to get out and make something out of yourself.” Liam presses at his finger, hands skimming his arm as he kisses Zayn’s clavicle.  

“Darling, sometimes you make me so glad I met you.” Liam tilts up his head at that, smiles cheekily and whispers. “Mr. Malik by deed poll, here I come.”

Zayn rolls his eyes. “Your team will kill you for damaging their brand like that.” He laughs. “Watch me care, our family is my first priority baby.”

Zayn bites his bottom lip. “Family.” He breathes out quietly.

Liam flicks his eyes back up again. “It’s what I wanted us to be from the very start you know.”

“You’re crazy.”

“I know, but I couldn’t help but fall in love with you.” He whispers inching in another kiss to his beard peppered jaw line.

They remain in that positon for the longest of time, breathing in the silent, watching the soft shade of the morning Californian sun turn into a bright yellow haze. It’s tangy in nature this sort of heat, unlike the heat of the Maltese sun. It’s almost as if she wants to shred you apart rather than allow you to bathe in her glow.

“One thing.” Liam says, still playing around with his ring finger. “When we marry, I’d like you to shave. He gawks. “I’ll look about twelve if I do that.”

“Don’t care, wanna see them cheekbones in full light.”

“Fine, but you need to grow yours out.” Liam pouts, “It’s ghastly.” Zayn in turn places his index finger under Liam’s cheek and lifts up. “I don’t care how much you want to believe it’s not fit, but I’m not having it you listening?” He lets Liam dip his head, smiling a little to himself because he can’t quite believe he gets to call this man his.

“I love you to pieces Mr. Malik.”

“Like wise, Mr Payne.”

*

_Two and a half year later_

“Liam no! We can’t bring three home.”

“But I want all of them.”

“Liam Payne, we can barely handle Aalia, let alone triplets.” Liam pouts at him like he’s just taken his favourite toy away from him in punishment.

“I hate it when you’re being the adult.”

He laughs. “Welcome to parenting.”

“Shut up you.” Liam smiles, shifting on the bed, closing the portfolios in the meantime to be able to lean in and sit on Zayn’s tummy.

They were in the middle of the adoption process. They were playing catch up in their personal lives now that Liam had dropped his album, went on tour and his second book in the same series got released. They had just moved into a smaller Victorian farm in the Cotswolds. Zayn falling in love with its beamed walls and white washed rooms. The fact that they were able to find such a space in his budget was a miracle, going further with their exploring and realising it came with a secret door that lead to a three story library filled with first editions made his life. They had just finished installing a studio for Liam, so they were now good to go.

Now that the majority of their life is sorted, it was project baby. They hadn’t really shared it with anyone though, because what people could write off as a short term fling before, now it’s clear to see that it’s turned into something real and for the long term.

This project at hand now, was the final piece of the puzzle to complete all the goals they set two years ago. They haven’t really let anyone in on yet not even Aalia. Everyone around them too busy with wedding planning to focus on something like this.

“How about a little boy then?” Zayn nods, “I quite like the idea of that. Liam’s face breaks into a smile. “Finally, I’ve broken you.” He shakes his head. “No.” He says slowly, his own smile forming on his face. “That would be the time we went six damn times in one night because you just kept needing _more_.”

Liam laughs, “I thought we were never going to mention that again.”

“Oh no,” Zayn assures, “I’ll keep reminding you every time I get. The way you _begged for it_ isn’t a thing you can vanish from my being.”

“You can damn well try!”

“Nahh.” He giggles.

“Can you believe we’re getting married in three days.”

“No Meri – Jaan, didn’t think we’d get here so fast.”

“Three years in a couple weeks. Can you believe it.”

“Not really, seeing we bicker over everything.”

“Oi, we only bicker about the domestic stuff.”

“I know, jaan. Just winding you up.”

“Zayn?”

“Hmm?”

“How does Mr Liam Malik sound for you?” And Zayn wants to be shocked. He really does, but he had a sneaky feeling Liam would choose that, so he beams at him, anchors his ankles around Liam’s thighs and flips them over, laughing like a pair of idiots in heat.

“Do you really want that?”

“With everything I’ve got.” He replies coming down for a kiss.”

*

That Saturday morning, in a small ceremony at on their five-acre estate, an Iman and a Priest bless them under the warm gazes of their friends and family. Aalia was in charge of the wedding bands. Simple wide silver rings with the inscription of each other’s initials. Liam had understood that Zayn didn’t want fancy. He hadn’t even let him buy engagement rings, kicking up a fuss at the idea of spending more money when they both have ten thousand pounds wrapped around their wrists.  When _Zayn_ had taken the plunge and proposed, it wasn’t a well thought out fantasy he’d had up his sleeve. It was fucked out post coital after a round of hard sex Liam had put him thought. So it’s why he had refused rings, after all, that’s two years of Aalia’s university fee sitting pretty on their arms like it didn’t matter at all. Instead he’s now got a wedding mandala just covering most of his wrist and hand. A sign of commitment he can never can off.

The blue sky of the summer day radiates everything and everyone. The happy chatter of their guests fill his ears as they make their rounds to greet them. It’s mostly family, only Liam’s best friend, which he had only recently just met. Harry. Who had spent five years backpacking the world.

Doniya now married herself and with child handled the majority of the planning alongside their mothers who were ever so gleeful at being handed such a task.

He can smell Jasmine in the air. The delicate flower chosen for their centre pieces, slipping subtly in between the white and gold hues they chose as their theme.

Liam’s smirking at him when they make it back through to crowd in order to start the speeches. To his surprise after Louis’ character assassination, Liam takes the microphone. Quietens the crowd and starts talking.

“Three years ago, this tiny tiny five-year-old girl ran into me so fast she got a concussion from hitting the floor so forcefully.” Everyone coos and looks at Aalia, who hides in the skirts of her Daadi. “When I looked up panicked,” Liam continues, “I got a glimpse of the most beautiful man ever to walk into my life. Within three days I knew he was it for me.” He stops, chuckles a little nervously and starts again. “It took me nearly six months of grovelling with my team, shoutout to you guys by the way, to get them ready to be able to give me what I really wanted for four years – freedom. The night before our first Grammy Awards together, he pressed play on a miracle of a song I still have to have playing before every show I do to calm me down.” Liam gazes at him for the first time since he started speaking, eyes smiling up at him. “I’d like you all today to be a part of our lives and a part of our souls. Mr Malik, get your arse down here.”

There is more cooing and their mothers are crying. Aalia jumping up on the table to take pictures. Now at eight years old she’s about to move to boarding school in the fall, something he’s not really prepared for but he knows, it’s happening anyway. As he’s being pushed to the front, Liam takes his hip as Malay cords Flower as they now call it in the background.

“Main tumse pyar karta hoon.” Liam whispers in his ear, pronunciation almost perfect, taking the time to pull away, hands grabbing onto his, wedding bands clinking together softly. Zayn smiles, he never truly believed that all of this was _his_ , all of _Liam_ ,  and that it was always available for his taking.

“I love you too, Meri – Jaan.” He replies leaning in to kiss his man. “That serwani looks good on you.”

“You think?”

“I know.” He laughs just as Liam’s spinning him round.

And that’s just it really. He’s learnt ever so slowly over the years, that it isn’t where you come from that’s important. It’s where you’re going. That life isn’t about how many top of the class test marks you’ve got but about living in the in between. Living in the now, not the then. Living for your future not in your past. That it doesn’t matter, never did matter that he didn’t have the celebrity pedigree, or that it took him twice as long for him to finish uni, at the end of the day, he was still allowed to fall in love with a man he gets to call his forever.

And that,

_That’s something to celebrate._

*

 

 

 

 

 


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